这故事，叫做错。

早

看着镜子里的自己
越来越无言以对的时候

我的心就是平静了
还是死了？

太多的问题，太多的想法
终于也让我的头脑当机了

终于，我明白了力不从心

终于，我明白了顺其自然

阿公，

今天是除夕了，
是我第一年不在家的除夕。

"The blue suede shoes day"

so I worked like that for the pass 2 days

1am-6am, then again on 3pm-7pm
and then again 11pm-3pm the next day

Because Nate quit

It was one of those nights, where we run out of everything in the store again

It reaches the point where we have less than 20 bun and have very limited and twisted menu

Some customer find it funny, cause we serve sandwich in rather creative way
Some.........well, let's just they don't appreciate the twist of surprise element

It wasn't my shift that night, but FeiZai ask me to go on 11pm still cause he wasn't sure if its gonna get busy
I end up going home because since we're out of stuffs,
it kinda means we have nothing to sell which minimize the possibility to get busy.

but then he call in again on 1am...
He says Nate quit on him

well, all the while, i thought Nate is a nice person
He taught me lotsa stuffs, teamwork our orders, let me choose the kind of job I want, and belanja me a caramel frappe.....

so i thought whatever that piss him off should be pretty bad

because FeiZai says they were having quite some orders at one point of the night,
where Nate just go, "fuck this shit Im outta here"

Deep down, I am still very curious of what have actually happen
and I really wish I have witness his "pissed-off" look
I hardly see nice people piss off.....ishh! miss jor!


He was once being threw something by the customer
and he didn't say any thing
that's what FeiZai told me

but then as soon as I am taking the orders,
it kinda piss me off a lil' bit too, which I began to understand why he is pissed until like that,
because we don't have nothing, and some customers are like, "WTF!YOU ARE MCDONALD!!!!"

hello, you think mcdonald is hogwarts is it?
need stuffs just point and utter random words then can get d?
siao 1.

Many says, "we should get a discount for that!"
hello, it actually double my work for the whole process because i have to run back and forth to make sure the availability of the food for each order leh, i also don't have double pay
how on earth you get discount?
in chinese, i would say, PIN SOMOK？!


i think I did mention quite some time asking FeiZai to close the store....
basically I'm bugging him to

like, "we have nothing!!!!!!!!!! just close the damn storeeee!!!!"
"I'm taking this one last order, and I'm gonna tell them we're out. I DON'T CARE!"

so then FeiZai called Luis which as per we expect, he didn't pick up.
and then SeiFeiZai called Janice, the bitch.
the bitch says no...she says sell whatever we have....

well, technically, we have like 26 bagel, no sausage/chicken patties, mcgriddles, cheese, french fries and soda......
sell your head la sell
so clever you sell la!

so FeiZai end up also don't care, he close the front counter,
leaving only drive thru....better than nothing

and the bitch always come in around 5-6 the next morning...
I begged FeiZai to let me leave before she comes...
God knows she is gonna make me sweep and mop again and again and....cari pasal.

FeiZai at first says I can only leave after I cleaned everything
but then he suddenly found his humanity and says, "okay...you can go."
WHOA! so hong hiam, and at the very moment, I saw the bitch's car pulling up beside the store
I went all kelam kabut punching out and ask FeiZai to make me a plain mcgriddle with cheese
then I flew to the back to get my coat and basically flew out the store right pass the bitch
She was like, "WHY IS SHE LEAVING?"
I don't care, I left it to FeiZai with a very "you-know-what-to-do" face

She can blow up the store also I don't really care la, just.....I AM OUTTA HERE!






haha, this is actually quite a night. I really wanna remember it.
thereby I write it down. What fun huh!




the next shift was 3pm-7pm which by right should end at 11pm
Amanda be the manager.....she put me on first window....
but actually quite slow, so ok la
then they asked me if I wanna help out on midnight as it was supposed to be Nate's shift
well, I personally took Nate as a friend and I feel the obligation to 收拾他的烂摊子
like how he used to help me to get my orders out
so yes i said!
Amanda sent me home at 7, says get some sleep and be back at 11pm..

4 hours, minus i walk home and walk here, and eat dinner, i left like 2-3 hours sleep
MANA ENOUGH YOU TELL ME?!

so I stayed up, solving some mathematics stuffs and busy searching for songs that can keep me awake..

(I end up with Elvis Presley's Blue suede shoes...in case if you're curious)

then go back to the store and its Basma's shift
(i first time clean frappe machine, clean mccafe machine...not entirely, but partly I also very happy. thank you)
it was supposed to be superbowl night, so I guess everyone is drunk through watching the game,
the business is surprisingly slow!

the next morning 7am, Saly came in
She says hi, and shockingly says, "KAHINN YOU WORK NOW!"
I say, "yes!!! please please please don't put me on first window!I might make mistake!!!"
she look and me and say, "you are crazy kahinn....you are crazy!!! you are gonna be working for 24 hours!!!"

Kind-heartedly, she put me on front counter..
JUST WHAT I WOULD LIKE!!!
thank you saly!

so then I happily stay in the front counter
I would say that I really feel the "dryness" in my eyes
probably because its really too heavily used..

at the end of that final shifts, i was still really hyper!
I was a runner + COD2, working with yimeng mainly
and I keep singing that "ONE FOR THE MONEY! TWO FOR THE SHOW! THREE TO GET READY! NOW GO CAT GO BUT DONT YOUUUUUUU STEP ON MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES!!!!"

The housemates are like, "oh my gawd......"

when I was punching out, I happily greeted Saly on the first window and says,
"HEY! GUESS WHO BROKER HER RECORD OF THE TIME OF HAVING HER BRAIN FULL FUNCTIONING? ME!!!!!!! ITS BEEN WORKING FOR THE PAST 24 HOURS! WOOOOHOOO!"

and.....saly with her usual-calm-tone says...."kahinn, are you ok?"


ahahahahaha! and i took 2 salad with me on my way home!

woohooo!!!



just one day I would like to remember, and smile back to

I do believe you don't have to be talented in anything,
its always what you do that counts, not what you could or may
ITS WHAT YOU DO!!!

nike, YOU GOT IT!

我听着歌，思念我亲爱的朋友们

我张开手，却只能抱住风

sometimes, i can't stand myself

most of the times, i think i am so weird

and i wish i could have been a lil bit more.......ordinary

if that, i might have a better chance in blending in

and now, i will always be a loner

我的生命，空的不像话

终于，我明白我再也追不上
终于，生活决定把我们错开

可不可以告诉我，为什么总是留我一个人？

可不可以告诉我，为什么总是带走我身边的人？

为什么让我一个人谢幕在空荡荡的舞台，寂寞的送走每一个我珍惜的人？

曲终人散，我一个人站在舞台上
不确定是等着什么，还是期待什么，又或者是假装盼望什么

最后一个观众把门关上，我礼貌地给他们点头微笑

关门的声音迴响在整个观众席，直奔舞台而来

我坐在舞台的边缘光着脚丫子，
无声无息的观众席与我相视而无言

这样的沉默，这样的寂静

很可能，就这么漫长的一辈子

我只能，

回忆着记忆中那些熟悉的脸孔

努力的，记得曾经的微笑

让自己的孤单寂寞，不那么枯燥乏味

“那时候天总是很蓝，日子总过得太慢” 

-刘若英，同桌的你

When are you going home?

路是河流 速度是喧嘩

我的車是一支孤獨的箭射向獵獵的風沙

（他們說這高氣壓是從蒙古來的）

襯著驕陽　　順著青草的呼吸

吹過了幾許韶華吹過了關山萬里

(用九十公里的速度能追得上嗎）

只爲在這轉角處與我相遇使我屏息 

呼喚著風沙的來處我的故鄉

遂在疾馳的車中淚滿衣裳

--席慕容，高速公路的下午

  

跟家人视讯的时候，阿嬤常常问我是否会想家

爸爸偶尔也会问我，但每次爸爸的问句总是以尴尬的微笑结束等待我的回答

我总是尽量营造一种我在这里过得超级无敌顺利的氛围

说实在话，当然有些事情并不如预期那样的完善

但是就我来看，那些都是在于个人的取舍

至于想家，我想家吗？

我没有让自己很深入地去探讨这件事

一边是没有那个勇气，就怕触着了心坎儿上最柔软的地方

一边是不想要自己有一种被牵绊的感觉

我刚来到这里的第一个星期，哥哥就跟我说爸爸病了

那天早上我正准备好要去上班，就接到这么一个消息

那天，我第一次做了连续的两班工作

第二班是夜班，我一个人整理着桌子椅子，一个人擦拭着托盘

看着太阳西下，从一天的蓝白一直到模糊的红橙色，到最后剩下单纯的黑

经理说我很安静，我说因为我是很认真的员工

而其实，我真的不知道该怎么办

哥哥用的字眼听起来有点严重，

我很担心是不是因为我的任性固执而间接导致

我只想让爸爸知道我的外表下藏着什么样的我，而不是为了忤逆他

从他们的态度，我知道爸爸妈妈的不安和担心，

不管他们怎么努力的压抑，但是闪烁的眼神让我知道

他们其实很担心

我一个人看着那一片天空，

默默的许愿说，我愿意把自己累死，好好的做完两班工作，

以这个为筹码，换爸爸的健康

那一天凌晨，我看着天空渐渐的亮起来

好像在跟我说，一切都会再次好起来

我默默的看着天空，跟自己说好绝对要以最正面的态度来面对任何的检查结果

后来，我不知道上帝是否听见了，

但爸爸最近已经改善了很多

而我，很感恩。

电脑面前，爸爸努力的让我相信说他过得很好

看着爸爸扭曲的脸，看着他脸上藏不住的苍老，

看着他生活中流淌而过的岁月，看着他生锈的伪装

爸爸一直说，“我很好！没事啦，没事！”

我的脑子里开始长出一个问句，

“我现在所做的，是对的吗？我应该像这样往外莽撞的闯，还是乖乖的呆在家让爸爸安心？”

我常常想这个问题

摊开地图，我什么地方都想去

翻看回忆，我什么事情都想尝试

如果我就这么什么都不做，就让我的梦想慢慢萎缩成面目全非的水果干

最后只能泡在醋里头，勉为其难的保鲜

那样的我，会是怎么样的？

不开心？还是开心？

我常常想到一个画面，就是我笔直的往前走

而爸爸妈妈在我的背后，走不动了，虚弱的向我挥手，

努力的给我微笑，努力的祝福我

那样的我，究竟是无情，还是勇敢？

我永远记得外婆逝世的时候，我陪着妈妈搭巴士到外婆家

妈妈躲在外套里流眼泪，喃喃的叨念着，

“为什么不等我，为什么大家都不等我，为什么”

人之将死，他会想看到他生命中的所有人吗？

我应该，为了这些人而留下吗？

也许吧，我真的不如我所想象中的我那样豁达

故鄉的歌是一隻清遠的笛

總在有月亮的晚上響起

故鄉的面貌卻是一種模糊的悵惘

仿佛霧裡的揮手別離 

離別后

鄉愁是一棵沒有年輪的樹

永不老去

--乡愁，席慕容

思念

当我一个人安安静静的坐着

把自己圈在自己的小世界里

那其实才是我生命中，最热闹的时候

远方的人们，原来没有了你们，

我的背影居然那么佝偻凄凉

只能单纯的希望自己能一直变成更好的人

有的时候只能冷冷的 旁观

在这里的工作，我最喜欢的绝对就是值夜班的时候
不知道为什么，值夜班的时候觉得大家很融洽
白天的时候反而不怎么热情

值夜班的时候，我们会跟客人聊天开玩笑
或者看着drive through的单子猜车子上有多少人
又或者一起听喝醉酒的客人迷迷糊糊的乱点
又或者清洗着那些机器一边叨念着白天的人什么都不做
也可能守着那些出错的食物还是多余的食物
不然就在猜今晚会有多忙
更多时候是在讲各个经理的八卦
有时候就看着报纸唧唧咋咋的发表意见

反正就是很多不正经的事情

在这里，我在他们身上学到最多的东西，就是满不在乎的说，
“well, i don't care.”

几乎每天晚上总会听到好几遍

终于，我明白了“选择性执着”
终于，我明白了materiality level

很多事情，只要不越界，那就睁一只眼闭一只眼吧

我不希望自己当一个很随便的人，
但也不希望自己当一个忒固执的人

现在，正在努力的平衡中











在这里，真的会学到很多东西
在家的日子，要是遇到什么乱七八糟的事情，我就会去找亲菇琳和亲菇宴
就感觉日子再怎么糟糕，我背后还有朋友们撑着


这里，不管我喜欢与否，那些人就是那些人
他们不会为了我改变什么
地球不会为了任何人而改变旋转的方向
就象那些人不会为了迎合我去改变些什么

我更不能动不动就转身跟朋友们哭诉
在这里，真的就只能自己一个人去解决问题

只能单纯的希望自己能一直变成更好的人


朋友们，我想念你们。

我想念，懂我，忍我，让我的你们

我怀念，狼狈为奸的我们

在这一段上天送给我的个人的这一堂“孤单”课
我却发现到更多我朋友们对于我的意义
那些愿意停留在我生命中，成为我回忆里一个固定的背景的朋友们
谢谢你们。

我们一起，变得更好吧。
一起，走在向日葵海里，向着温暖的日光，
走向温暖的快乐·

Greetings

"Hi!"
"Good Morning!"
"Hey how'ya doin?"
"How are you doing today?"
"Have a good day!"
"Have a great day!"
"Thank you!"
"Oh! and have a nice day!"
"Enjoy your meal!"
"Sorry for the wait"
"Hi Can I have your order sir?"
"Can I help you?"

These are the greetings that got stuck in my head
Basically, these are the daily sentences for my job, it can get pretty handy
and sometimes, I realize how different it is if you greet someone happily.

During drive-through
Most customers, no matter how pissed off they are during the order process or the wait,
at least 75% of them will smile back, if you smile and greet them extraordinary happy
Basically that's what I do.

Like if I see on the screen they have been in line for a couple minutes,
then I will be prepared with a very happy smile and a very exciting "HI How are you?"
most of the times, they will get a lil' confused,
cause in a way, they should be mad but smiles is contaminative
they will "sub-consciously" be forced to smile back
with that, at least I myself don't get that annoyed.

But then sometimes its law of attraction also la
when the day is crashing down, then you gotta start smiling
because thats the only way to make the situation better for you
If the problem chose to stay, you can always choose to change the attitude!

Working in a Mcdonalds, I wouldn't say its harder than what I expected,
it somehow just fit somewhere around my expectations
at least I didn't go all, "WTF I HAVE TO DO THIS ALSO AR?!!!!"
which is a pretty good part, at least I can just dive into job, without an additional process to talk myself through

Like I said,
For a short period like 3 months, working in mcdonalds is worth going for
It lets you see into the internal control of the globally established franchise
and it lets you be in the most humble position of the whole freaking organization
so humble that even there is an organization chart,
your name is too unnecessary for the chart.
But then again, its is a very good chance for me to study about things
like people, like the various working attitude, like different style of management and the impact
I couldn't help but keep relating my working experience with what I have studied

The colleagues here, vary.
hahahhahaha! I personally do think that is a very true yet fair statement

Everytime you reach the work place,
everyone, LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE ONE, no matter if they have seen you before,
they will automatically says "HI!How are you?" or "Good Morning" or something like that
At first, I was like, "erm.....fine............" and then secretly whispers "Who are you??"
you can call that a culture shock, as minor as it is, it will still be one

but then slowly I learn that,
I start asking "Hey how are you?" to random colleagues too
Some of them who are of extra nice will come up to you and just ask you particularly
Like, "hey, you okay?are you tired?"

There is a colleague named Steve, typical american who have tattoos all over
My guess is that he is 28 years old tops,
turn out, he is a firm 47......48! its 2013 now.
He would come up to you personally and have some random short chat with you
Most of the times, my shift is right after his
He would normally come to me and ask randomly about my days
and then sometimes show me some handy tricks to work his station
and always end our conversation with "you gonna do good! don't worry"

The first time he talked to me, I was still learning to adopt the "friendly" nature of american
Though I really appreciate all those tricks he taught me,
secretly inside, I still whispers "damn awkward, just end."
but then once, then twice, awkwardness got lesser,
and I get easier talking to complete strangers

Like when customers tell me about their days, I used to say,
"oh...that is bad......this is your change and the receipt, that's the order number, they will call it out when its done, and this be the cup for the drinks."

but then now, I will be like,
"Oh really? That's bad! How did it end up like that?"

for me, its quite a significant change

well, to see what I used to have been, "ignorant"
being what I am right now is certainly a huge change
I talk to strangers leh!

and slowly, I am learning to comment positively about what others have said
like when customers say, "I need a large black coffee, its gonna be a rough and long day ahead for me."

Instead of replying, "Okay, your total is $1.06"
I might just say, "well, as long as it will get, its gonna end anyway!"
and then as I give him his food, I might just add, "Good luck for your day!"

again, I know how tiny these greetings are
but for me, it brings no harm,
and you never know if you might just make their days better!

Being in a service industry,
"Making customers feel better" is an embedding duty

that's my belief