and this were the best:

oh back at those times.

and I'm smelling Christmas.

=)

有些事不是好事，但值得被记忆

i got turned down by one of the firm i applied for internship

ya cool. not surprising after all.

and i admit that i dreamed over.

and this should be another lesson God planned for me

i think the most blissful thing in my this life

is my ability to get beautiful excuse over awful problem

they say when your life is so fuck up and you see no way out

the only thing that's gonna smooth you down might as well be excuses and imaginations

well then. i think i have this both.

so yeah. being reject is an important lesson too.

something is still bothering somewhere in myself.

maybe sad, disappointed or maybe just speechless for things turned out the way exactly as I expected.

today is not the best day of me. but i sure learned a lot.

a lot like a lot......

人生就是不停的战斗

而我想要在好久以后骄傲地说： 我的所有战斗中，我都努力的捍卫着。

没有退缩，没有败阵，只有还未成功。

我不知道这是不是所谓的自我安慰 但如果我因此快乐

那自我安慰便自我安慰吧

这是五月天点醒我的 人生海海 无论我的明天要去哪里 至少快乐伤心我自己决定

所以我说 就让他去 我知道潮落之后一定有潮气

最近想要买mp3。然后只放五月天的歌

然后每天提醒自己 摇滚不死 五月天还在 世界还没有变得太糟糕

我爱五月天 我爱摇滚

我爱 故我在

no one is free, even birds are chained to the sky.

it always works like this

i go look look see see in tumblr

and end up posting all those awesome photos i saw over here

somehow i wonder why all awesome photos go to tumblr?

i mean, not twitter, facebook, but ONLY tumblr?

well whatever.

i actually have a few drafts to be posted

but just dont feel much of posting it right now

so i'll just drag drag draggggggg on

i was thinking bout inspirations these days

i had another conversation with a friend the other day

we both came to a conclusion that

Its always you yourself that inspires you.

when you see something, it stimulates your brain and translate whatever that meets your eyes into somewhat inspires you.

yea. i think i'm still learning to let things go on their own

its always hard to measures and set a limit

like when to let go, when to hold on

its always flattering when some friend come up to you and say

yeah, i like what you just posted.

maybe i smiled or just joke for a lil before getting over it

but i'd always remember every face that come to me saying,

hey, what you wrote was damn right....

maybe thats why people got so into writings

you get some other stories as you share yours...

and i'm glad i found this thing suits my interest well enough

thats what i learned. positive thinking.

they say if you cannot control the world, then why not you just focus on what you can control.

like your thoughts?

sometimes facts turn you down and you got so negatively emotion-ed

but we cannot really sit there and wait for things to work out again

we need to really step into the messy world

hands on the dirtiest thing

get involve in the most nasty stories

and thats how you go step by step turning your world back to the way it should have been

sitting there like a disney princess will only bring a prince shared by all the other princesses.

so stand up and get your problem solved.

be like, fa mu lan?

oh. i miss this story the most of all.

it involve reality and not only "happily ever after"

some tell me cinderella comes in a version where her evil sisters CUT their own feet to fit into that glassy heels. oh god. which part of this sounds like a fairy tale???

and i wonder what was the main purpose of fairy tales?

to keep girls growing up crazy for prince and very-terlampau dresses?

to keep up the growth in sales of barbie doll?

wow. what a reason.

i'm thinking should i buy this lamp

wouldnt it be fawesome(this is fuckin awesome, i learned it from hannah montana, LOL)

i mean its gonna be F awesome if you have stars in your rooms

imagine, stars!!!!

but then, what it actually brings rather then my personal satisfactions?

NONE. lol...not that i can think of...

so still consideringggggg

but look again, its really gonna be SOOOOO awesome!

and now here i wanna share a photo

which i think EVERYONE of us should have a look and think

deep thinking.

before end. goodbye.

cause unspoken goodbye hurt more than spoken ones.

she told me:

with love, signing out.

and yea. i love living

and i still think waking up early brings good luck

把自己宠坏 就算是对叛逆青春的交代

在每一个睡不着的夜晚

总有很多的情绪在翻滚

有时候只是单纯的放飞思想

常常觉得这个世界之大 有一点超乎常理

总是选择性地相信 选择性的活着

记起了以前一个人跟我说的

他说修会计的秘诀就是不停的问为什么 不停不停的

我妈妈说 会计 很大部分是逻辑推理

而我不知道

我发现我的中学时期并没有多少残留的学识

有的只是一堆又一堆 怪诞陆离 荒谬之极 的 一些生活方式

以前总是空有一身梦想 可以像山泉水一样 永不止息的用梦想喂养自己的奢望 和猖狂

但日子久了 发现 一切都是假象 梦想 和现实 是截然不同的两回事

慢慢学会了收敛自己 懂得静下来倾听 不再说话不是因为无言以对

也可能是学会了吸收 学会了海绵宝宝的正面能量

所以现在写的东西也和以前的差很多

以前会一字一句反复斟酌 咀嚼 确定 然后一篇文宗要耗费好多好多精神时间

但现在习惯了随心所欲 常常忘了自己究竟写过什么

以前小心翼翼地确保自己的讯息有被正确的传达和接受

现在不过就是自己写了 自我感觉良好

变好多

长大了 了解到生活除了不断的发言 也需要不断地聆听

所以我变得不再噼里啪啦 也变得把梦想这个字看淡

我也忘了我有什么梦想了吧

我只想恶狠狠的猖獗 蛮横霸道的统治 骄傲跋扈的活着

也许我这辈子至今最感激的 就是九把刀留给我的天马行空吧

我所写的这些文 从以前的仅以此献给我最爱的朋友 一直到今天的写给自己

我比较喜欢写给自己吧我想 有人说过学语言最快的方法就是学写情书

我想也是 毕竟情书的本质是情感 要把纯粹的情感转化成动人的文字

需要的不仅仅是对于语文的掌控 还包括了对自己感情的认知 了解 参透

我也想学写一封情书 但后来我发现 其实这个部落格里的所有 都是我 写给自己的情书

因为那个李佳恩 深深爱着现在这个李佳恩

人家说我就是典型爱自己最多的人

“就算全世界都死了，你就是那种 只要我还在就好”

也许吧 把自己宠坏 就算是对叛逆青春的交代

sleep and forget the world

There's a career talk in school the other day.

one hour. few people.

speakers are frm Ernstnyoungs

i went, for i'm using every reason i can to avoid starting my revisions

audience were very few. The speakers are of course professional-loooking.

and urm, yeah, i don't know. that's all i can tell.

but i'm not going to write like "dear diary, i attended a talk today ...." and finish with EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE mentioned in the talk.

if you're expecting a meeting minutes, then you're looking at the wrong site. this is blogspot. NOT GOOGLE SEARCH ENGINE. so walk yourself outta here.

As i was telling my friends,

"career talk? OH! we have to go! some people whom you both don't know each other is going to tell you bout your career!"

yeah sure. tell me bout my career. TELL ME! TELL ME! pretty pretty please, just tell me.

I have totally ZERO idea what I wanna be in future.....

if only i could stop answering questions like, WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN TEN YEARS TIME?!

wth. i cant even see myself passing the test tomorrow. shouldnt i be down to earth a lil bit more

The whole talk is not boring. considering they are representing this one firm where everyone cracks their head to get a footstep into

the main speaker today said he is MACPA n CPA aus holder. another guy is an acca holder.

screw me. NOW WHO IS THE HECK TELLING LIFE IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN CERT?

stop telling get a life, GO GET A CERT.

they do tell bout those pay. even at the very FRESH ENTRY level, its very clearly cut that how many cert you have on hand, that should be DIRECTLY PROPORTIONATE to the figure debited into your bank account.

its not like i don't know bout this, i mean, jack neo has been raising this problem.

but i'm getting closer to the mean world. VERY CLOSE. but i just realized today that, I AM NOT AS READY AS I THOUGHT.

there's a voice in mind that keeps on mumbling "please study please study please study" and that's the so called the angel side in me.

and the evil side? "OHGOD!SO THIS IS IT?LEEKAHINN, LOOK FOR YOURSELF, SO WHAT YOUR SO-CALLED LIFE IS GONNA BE LIKE THIS? FORMALLY FORMAL?"

damnit.

i'm, confused? i don't know. I'm defo sure that I should keep up with my study as usual.

but sometimes in the middle of the night, you feel that clock ticks inside you.

its like "tick tock, one second closer to adult, tick tock, one second further from YOUTH"

sucks to the max man. horrible in fact.

people always ask, so what's your plan for future. considering you're no longer that kid who sees no end in studies.

If you smile and say "erm, dunno." and yea, people just get it, it simply means you're failing your subjects.

actually i do know. but not really precise.

i will get acca and work the shit out of me. then i will have a lot of money and a lot of time regretting those moments i've wasted away.

then some day, i die.

one long sentence, MY LIFE.

pathetic.

zoe once said that, its always choice.

you know, if you start off working earlier, you suffer maybe a lil here and there but sooner or later

when you become a permanent staffs, things turn around and smile at you.

but if you further study, you study all those craps and enrol into the industry. where somebody of your age could have been your boss with he or she started working earlier ahead of you. but of course la, you will have your own advantage as well.

i mean those craps you've studied are not totally rubbish after all. its like a pedestal to hold you up.

i recalled i've been aiming to be a lecturer and never go out into commercial world.

chicken-out to put it in one word. ya. me, chicken-out. SHIT.

but everybody knows, you wont feel nuff. never.

you will always keep the wonder of whether you would strike out a beautiful sparkle if you've only had that ONE TRY.

we're afraid to fall.falling part is like the one fear you'd rather stay don't know.

its hard to pick up piece by piece if your life shattered around.cause every pieces you've picked up, its gonna cost a deep pain in you.

DEEP. very.

i'm still not done with this. but i don't what to write anymore.

cause i'm also confused in me. lost. unknown. handicapped.

i think everyone feels like that when it comes to "future dreams"

anyhow, i'd find chances to drag this to an end.

i mean, TRY. i wished this wont bother me long.

i hate thinking. my brain is customized for imagination purpose.

It just dont work logically.

whatever. i could really use a wish right now.

airplane? nah. i'm in 21st century where plane only reminds me of obama, 911, terrorist....

meteor? nah. i watched armageddon and yeah, not much bruce willis to be die for honestly.

but liv tylor is defo a good art work of god. like anne hathaway, like miranda kerr, like katy pery, like...

fine, i don't know what i'm ending with.

******************************

one more thing.

sometimes its just fishy when i was told that i wrote too long.

feeling funny. everyone who read this quietly fantastic end up seeing me like,

"yo leekahinn, for your sake, i think i'm having short sighted problem. seeing computer too long."

"hey you, do you even know the word - episode?"

"wei! WALAU!"

"tzk tzk tzk"

I remembered there's a friend who told me these:

"ei leekahinn, you know what, your blog is BLOODI HELL LONG. i feel like 10 years older when i finish it. but i guess thats what i want. craps. i mean, if i wanted something formal, i'd have gone for newspapers. professional writers. and so when i come in here blog-reading, i'm expecting these kind of holy craps. and the only thing that matter is that whether i'm interested in the rubbish you're saying"

*sometimes i feel like i'm having inspiring friends. they tell words and sometimes, for some unidentifiable reasons, their words got trapped in me and sonner or later,

i'd come up with something feeling deeply inspired and profoundly refreshed.

=)

like pink said, "you're fuckin perfect for me"

if you're at my seat

you will see a drink and a plain sea

grey in colour

but you can never see me.

cause i'm hidden in my thoughts

ignoring the whole world

there are times that i'm just myself

not a friend

nor a student

nor a daughter

nor a sister

nor anybody

I normally just goes blank in thoughts for times like this

for when I'm just myself

I'd be lost

but i still do

be just myself

look deeply in thoughts

but mostly at no where on earth

probably gazing stars after 30 days of nights

or walking downtown to get inspired of the latest teenagers

or even wandering around the world to get my mind settled down.

anyhow,

I always love those times

those bubble time of my own.

until reality poke on it and I'm down to earth

all over again

and at least I flew once

so i smile

and waited patiently for the next wonderful wander

=)

waves always hit hard at the shore

because the shore never care to move one step forward

lights up in the cafe

its already evening for the sake of a day

because i woke up like VERY VERY early in the morning

i had good mood on me like for a whole long day

early birdy is good no wonder birds chirp happily

they are happy to feel the first shine of sun

i mentioned i wanna be an early birdy didnt i

maybe tomorrow

lets wake up at........630?

cool. i wanna be healthy!

像两个恋爱的小鬼，单纯而深刻

early birdy today

maybe sleeping was best

but waking up early is EVEN BETTER

when you look at the clock

and don't have to look forward for lunch

and when you hold your coffee,

sitting at the table running through yesterday's newspaper

you just suddenly have this feeling of "life"

and that whole view of penang bridge looks awesome

maybe because i'm not the one rushing

maybe because i'm having a nice and easy mood

its good to hear that dunno what bird chirps.

reminds me of those morning i used to have in high school

college life has been so much freedom with sleeping

you sleep during classes

you sleep during exams

you sleep during breaks

you sleep and skip classes

you sleep and skip exams

you sleep and skip breaks

and for these

i forgot the feeling of waking up with the sun

and start the day slowly taking my time on my every breath

i wanna start this lifestyle

sleep early and wake up early, like an early bird

like a happy person. =)

and i'm having my bites on bread along with this post,

i can see myself indulging

我永远会记得怪力王

记得他在阳光下一点一滴地离开

有的时候有些事情会让你很痛苦

但也只有那种痛苦

才能无时无刻提醒你

“你还活着”

这个早晨

我感觉到温暖的金黄

满满的 感触

像两个恋爱的小鬼

单纯而深刻