-Preface End-
Chapter 1
i'd prefer myself sleeping now
why must my phone die on me when im stuck in the middle of all these haze
too many expenses this month and im very imbalance
yea right.
im that spoiled kid who took everything for granted
i never feel thankful and never has the thankful feeling
why troubles come all at once as if they are planned?!
WHY
i saved so hard and im blow over for some stupid reason
i used to be so damn nice to my bank account
and then THIS IS WHAT I GOT
just, even if you're trying to imply to me how hard money are earned
don't position me into a beggar
im big enough to learn the word PRIDE
dont simply let go off me like im so retarded kid
i look into your thoughts and i read between the lines of your words
which i end up pretty hurt inside
i never know how to tell
i thought things were different finally
but it was just a beautiful dream that is short enough to smash reality on my face
i dont think i deserve this
for all i have done, im tired
tired of defensing, tired of arguing, tired of fighting
i should just let everything go
and never this much i hope that i could evaporate into the air
im tired of fulfilling responsibilities
im tired of trying to fit in
im tired of being beside myself all the time
i never felt belong
im destined to crash i think
#foreveralone
#foreverfail
#foreverandeveriwillneverunderstandthemetheyexpected
I dont know
i thought being expected was good
then i realize they distorted the expectations
they want it too badly but they were too shy to tell
im not interested in guessing around whats in your mind, might as well just tell straight to the point
why can't i let loose of myself and recklessly live my life
no. cause i have responsibilities
im SUPPOSED to live nice and good in general to not disappoint people around me
but meanwhile transforming myself into what they'd prefer
i don't know who i am anymore
who am i
what's in me
where am i
how did i end up here
when is this going to end
somebody?
nobody.
no one is ever there when i needed someone
better says i never know how to need someone
cause no one will be there for sure
i have to cry myself through every tough times
people said my tough times were childish
im just a stupid kiddo acting so miserable
but when its a tough time, its tough
there's no such thing as in mature or childish tough time, is there?
NO
There is no such reason that my tough times are fake cause they are too childish
in every stage of life, there are tough times
no one has the right to criticize anyone else that is in a hard battle
because we are just the same
fighting something we don't quite understand but is too coward to stop
too many i've lost and the list still counting
一輩子像一隻沒有尊嚴的狗
但還是活下去 像狗一樣 努力掙扎不言放棄不懼艱辛的活下去
只有活著 才有希望
即使活著本身，很絕望。
-Chapter Ends-
*I cry silently, I cry hopelessly*
