The story goes this way:

My photo
We are all so alike yet we are totally different.
人生苦短何必念念不忘

Tuesday 24 July 2012

NiNiJieJie's wedding


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21st July 2012
Nini Jiejie's wedding
Ipoh

very rare that my father-side and my mother-side family will gather in one same occasion
my cousin from the father side turn out to be a long-time neighbor of my mother side
and she used to buy us candy and all

its good to see nice people found their happiness

I still keep thinking back to the weekend itself
it sure is the most or at least top 3 of my favourite weekends

dinner food were good
Cousins are altogether again
as we all grow, this could not be as easy as it was
some of us are working, some of us are studying
some of us(me actually) are hanging in the middle of lost in future dreaming

but yes, when we are together
its not like we will have some really in-depth talk which strengthens mentally or something
just, talking rubbish with these people is more than enough to make me happy

Hearing the working cousins talking makes me looking forward to my working life
i guess this is good, for i was the one saying
"lets study till the age of 55 so i dont have to work"
i am very lazy in a creative way

oh, and i made quite a good use of instax
i bought 2 boxes there and did use it quite leniently
the film could be expensive
but how many chances out there that i have so many people i want to snap with at a time?
(well, ninijiejie gave me 2 boxes of film la, so that could be a contributing factor to me getting all head over toe and forget the instax-film-is-damn-pricey thingy)

although for some, they still think instax is a waste of money
but i dont think so
the moment of joy where you get the photo instantly is priceless
PRICELESS
(never try it, never get it)

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"Ohana" means family, family means nobody gets left behind
--Lilo & Stitch

Wednesday 18 July 2012

Tuesday 17 July 2012

22岁谈风烛残年

我居然看爱情公寓看到哭了
莫名的对风烛残年的曾小贤产生共鸣
如果能重来,是选B还是选D.....
第一次看完的时候我很期待知道究竟他最后的选择是什么
就这样盼着第三季,盼呀盼的
其实心里是知道的,他选什么跟我选什么并没有关系
我不能依赖别人的选择来做决定
人往往为了逃避一个错误而去犯另外一个错误
但我们必须选择犯下其中一个错误,才能知道哪一个错误更值得我们去犯

我们都害怕做错误的决定
我们都怕那些失眠的夜晚,静静的剩下自己的时候

你是否曾想过,在未来的某一天
你的伴侣安然的睡在的你侧边,你用手臂枕着头望向窗外
一个人想着一些“假如当初,如果那时”
白天的时候,你是很幸福的
但深夜里,躺在床上,你是否会害怕内心的自己?

一直到现在,我还是无法释怀我放弃了18岁的梦想这件事
我是成了那种被现实驯服而不再勇敢追梦的人,
还是我只是明白了那只是我的虚荣心单纯的想让爸爸妈妈好过一些?

面子书满满的都是同学在外地的照片
我想着若果当初我没有说出来,我会在那里
但我想我还是寂寞的

我想我只是嫉妒吧

说穿了,我只是眼红别人活着我的梦

但没关系的,18岁,我会还你。
现在我暂且搁置你的梦,但我一定会还给你
我没有变,22岁没有变。
我还是当初那个我,只是,现在有更重要的东西需要我去专心
爸爸妈妈老了,我不希望我任性的花他们的钱
我们才22岁,努力的活着以后也一定可以实现我们的梦想
一个十年不够我们可以用两个
但爸爸妈妈没有多少十年了

相信我,我知道我在干什么
我不是临阵脱逃,我不是
这虽然是一种折衷,但你一点都不委屈
你并不是牺牲小我完成大我,这是一个选择

有一天,你会出现在你父母的葬礼上
想想那个时候你会后悔的事情,现在就尝试避开那种事
对,很不孝,但没有人是长生不老,不死金身的
爸爸妈妈会老去,我们不能那么自私
18岁的时候,你没有想到这些
但22岁的时候你已经明白了
所以没有什么好伤心的

22岁的你已经明白了这个道理
所以就算我装作不知道,我实现梦想的时候也不会踏实
所以李佳恩,对不起,我做了一个很大的决定

但是,你一定要记得
你不是伟大,你是选择一个让自己心安理得的方案
爸爸妈妈养你教你,如果以后你连自己的梦想都实现不了,
那你现在有什么资格要求爸爸妈妈为了你而牺牲他们的梦想?

你这辈子没有什么可以让爸爸妈妈骄傲的地方
你没有给爸爸妈妈带来什么巨大的喜悦
但至少,你可以选择不要剥夺他们的快乐

下一次,当你很伤心很伤心,很悔恨这一个放弃的决定的时候
请你回想爸爸孤身一人开车往返家里和工作的路上的夕阳
还有妈妈一个人在空空荡荡的家里累得睡着在电视机前,而电视机冗自播放着噪音

比起他们,李佳恩,你的伤心寂寞,连个屁都不是。


22岁的时候,我们选择了爱我们的家人
22岁的时候,我们明白了爱我们的家人
22岁的时候,我们感恩了爱我们的家人

22岁的时候,你明白这个是你的家
这个地方会有属于你的床位,杯子,牙刷,照片,和等你回家的人
只有这里,会有留给你的一盏灯,在每一个你夜归的时刻
有人记挂着你的安危

22岁的时候,你明白了你是幸福的
即使那个幸福是那么的粗糙,那么的简陋

我们这一辈子有很多的功课要去完成
17岁我们学会了做自己
18岁我们学会了为梦想而战斗
19岁我们学会了人与人之间的相处
20岁我们学会了说再见和一个人过得好好的
21岁我们学会了珍惜和迁就
22岁我们学会了感恩和做无私的选择
。。。。。

接下来我们还要学好多好多东西的
我们还是会哭,会笑,会懊恼,会开心

但我们会一直跟自己说,“我的心情很好,我的心情很好~”



一路走来,我们能背负的抱负是极其有限的
我们总会在中途放掉一些,也会在中途拿起一些
就这样来来去去,一直到命之终也,我们看着错中复杂的放掉拿起
自己傻傻的笑说当初怎么那么傻?

人之将死,其实那些当初的过错又算得了什么?
临终前,我只想回忆那些为我而笑的笑脸

这一辈子我哭着来,那我没得选
但离开的时候,我想笑着走
这辈子很好啊,我有爱我的人,也有我爱的人
天空很漂亮,生活很丰富

遗憾与否,在于个人
菩提本无树,何处惹尘埃?
我自横刀向天笑,今生且来走一遭
有惊无险笑过了,夜阑人静复思量
今朝有酒今朝醉,莫管他人话我痴
有说天是棺材盖,再说地是棺材板
喜怒哀乐人间事,热闹喧哗棺材里
再好再坏出不去,闲来自己找乐子

嘿!


快乐是自找的不是你给我的













Sunday 15 July 2012

look at the bright side

oh gosh how can i not tell?!
I BOUGHT US AN INSTAX LEEKAHINN!
yesh!!!! remember you used to flip that "Shao Nian"magazine and got fascinate by those instax photos?!
YESH YESH! we've got ourselves one now!
though its pink! that's because you got mentally sick friends who suggested that you all should get pink ones together and the worst part is you agreed to that statement, YOU ARE SICK!

yesh, we got it together with chingulin and joc.
because we all got so tempted after seeing yanying using hers during our food trip.
oh yes and the food trip!
my god why didnt i tell happy stories here?!
i look so damn emo wtf!

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okay, so the stories begin when we have our food trip.
jocelyn is back, chingulin is back, and yanying is back
on that tuesday(3rd July) itself, yanying reached penang from KL on 12noon something
we fetch her with another 3 on the car, and begin the food trip
we went for 9 stop that day, and the 10th(to make it a perfect 10) the day after

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Ah Leng Char Kuay Teow

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Curry mee and "slide-down-the-throat" chicken

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Penang road cendol

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Penang road laksa
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Continental bakery's mushroom soup and we bought some cream puff too
it turned out that this mushroom soup is the one in joc's memory which she couldn't tell the place
what a beautiful surprise from life!

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this is complicated photo...
(clockwise)西施酥+蛋塔,abu siti lane coconut jelly, DURIAN!(葫芦hor lor&青皮kulit hijau)
we first brought this to our paradise beach, stand there and eat one
then it started raining, but we still insist to stand there
oh and while we were there, the wind is so damn strong that your hair got re-shaped into a OrangGila
but then our lovely friends stood and laugh even though they know a secret specific way of standing where the wind wouldn't get you.....Zalimnya kawan kita ni!
and this is the first time we buy durians on our own..quite a memory!

we stood under the drizzling weather, having durian..
our friend's suggestion is that we should eat the durian and wash the hand in the sea
like, eat something from the nature, return something to the nature.
so go green!

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but the rain evolve from drizzling to really raining...
we ran back into the car and decided we should go for karaoke session
at first its just we want another place to eat out food lar, and the 1st avenue carpark got beautiful panoramic view ma...so off we go!
we drove up the carpark and saw people having "company-gathering-dinner" in the car park
then we drove up another floor, we saw some malay couple cuddling
then we drove up another floor, and we found a floor nearly empty
we parked, and placed the food on the car...surprisingly, the engine can help heating up the food!

we started eating and looked down seeing people traffic-jamming right under our feet
then we started reminiscing and talk about our good old days during high school
when we ordered mcdonalds and bravely admit it when questioned
when we fake a call to the disciplinary and urm...................
when we were classmates but more like sleep-mates
..........stuffs like that.

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(a picture snap in the carpark and then snapped again in the karaoke)

so we finished those food, and walked into the mall for our karaoke session in redbox
holy mama, the price is too expensive, so plan changed to Neway in queensbay mall

we had our singing session, and that is the first time we finish all the song on list
not really la, its because we have to be back on time so we didn't order every song we wanted
just selectively, and keep skipping songs once we reached the chorus..as usual.

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the karaoke bundled with a buffet dinner
Mou Gai lar, money already paid, takkan waste it meh,
so we still have our buffet dinner (like we did not eat what we ate)
the beef is nice, and thats all i can remember now
the sushi is horrible though! the rice is too dry

The next day, we went back to our HighSchoolHangOut spot, Belgium, for lunch
we ordered as we want, unlike back then we have to check the price again and again
we are no poor high school kids no more
but still its rather cheap, we had everything below plus 2 float, only cost us RM10
Surprise? no, no need, because though we have 5 dish for 4 person, we dont feel full. =S

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beautiful eh? remember your high school days?
skip tuition, save money and come here for western food
back then, this is the only western food we get to go on our own without telling our parents
we used to have to offset between float and western food
if western food, then no drinks, if float then fried rice.
awhh.....

so this ended our pefect-10 food trip.
its awesome, because you realize why these people are called your friends
because we shared the same memories, because we shared the same perception towards life

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this is our durian face, while we look at the durian people ...packing...joc snapping, so no her.
but it wouldnt be hard to imagine a tempting face on food people like us lar

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**************************************************

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you have never had a better two day like those two
you are thankful having people like these in your life
when you are with them, you are you

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it had you figure things out
you like it when they are by your side and is ready to second your opinion
(though they tend to make you awkward by not laughing at your jokes...grr)
but its good when they are around
not so lonely after all

that night itself, you thanked god for bringing such awesome people to you
and you prayed you all stayed the same throughout years and time

i might have said this a couple of times, but you really like this bunch of friends
you like them, and you like the way you are when you are with them

we don't get to be all together much, its hard to meet everyone at the same time
we are all at different places, taking different lessons of life
but these people stayed beside you throughout times


with them we talk about everything,it could go from worshipping your blanket to random people on the street
without them, we keep quiet and look at the sky....and imagine

thinking back how much things we have done together..
the deeper we think, the more we are willing to do to secure this friendship
deep down in the core of my heart, there lies a few names
they are among those names
if we were to have a biography one day, these people would make quite a number of chapters


you love your friends. 你很爱你的朋友
image.php (360×360)此刻的你,很感恩拥有那么样的朋友


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this is the first instax photo from our own instax
more to come

and i hope you are happy with this
i know it wouldnt mean anything to you
considering i ruin your 4-year-dream to study in uk with my bare hands
but i will make it up to you, i promise.

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we will get our own lomo camera (which i already have one in mind)
and we will reach those places we've listed
Argentina (Ushuaia, Iguaza Waterfall)
Norway (the cliff)
........
 i will bring us there one day

we will have that smile of dream-comes-true
WE WILL

我会慢慢的学会热烈的活下去
亲爱的朋友们,我们都会很快乐。

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Monday 9 July 2012

无我

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看山是山,看水是水
看山不是山,看水不是水
看山还是山,看水还是水

都说人会经过这三个境界
先是看到一件事,
再来了解一件事,其实并不是单纯的表里如一
最后明白,这世间一切,本就如此
看破,进而看淡

先是看见山,过后看懂山不过是好多好多生物与非生物的共体存在
最后彻底明白不管山究竟是如何形成的,它就是一座山
不管怎么的去美化用词,怎么的去加以形容,
山,终究是山。


我们不过是泰山旁流淌而过的小溪
身不由己,默默欣赏
逐渐的去明白,我们不过是千秋万世一个多么模糊的存在
明白自己并非镜子里那般不可一世
明白,总归有一天
我们将随风而逝

哪里来,哪里去
就像走遍世界的风,只能捣乱,却从不带走

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明白自己其实很渺小
明白其实,我可以更坦然
我想要懂得看淡,放下

人生可以执着,但总归是要放下
人临死前,不能总憋着最后一口气
最后一口气,还是要从自己的鼻子里呼出来

不知道呼出最后一口气的时候,
眼睛会不会看见那最后的所谓气若游丝?



虽说世事如棋局局新,但有哪一盘棋不是结束在同一个僵持?
成王败寇,总有人要俯首称臣,低头认输
就像我们永远败给命运,败给时间





Thursday 5 July 2012

friendsza,给我亲爱的好朋友

间中,我会想起那些曾经那么相熟的人
有面子书的年代,所谓的样貌其实还好
反而,我常常发现自己忘记了别人的声音

今天和朋友回到中学时期最常光顾的西餐厅吃东西
店里的装潢大致上还是一样的,可店员早已经面目全非
翻开新的菜单,惊讶的发现旧菜色都还在,也加了好多新的
我们满不在乎的4个人点5人份,因为下一次来真的不知道是什么时候了

以前,我不是跟这群朋友来的
跟我一起来的朋友已经离我太远了
我们错开在彼此的生活之间,然后越走越远

在店里看着菜单,我突然好怀念曾经的好朋友
一起走路去补习,一起中途打包午餐,一起买杂志上课
一起观察最新的校园情侣动向,一起大小那些无聊的八卦
一起翘补习去西餐厅吃好的,一起流连在校外无所事事

每个人都握着我一段时间的记忆啊

那么快,我离开中学5年了

真的那么快,我走过了梦寐以求的21岁
我没有上赌场,我也没有抽烟,倒是看了好多18禁的电影

成长的过程中,我丢掉了好多东西,同样的也拿起了好多
也许,所谓的成长,就是舍与得的拉扯吧

慢慢学着衡量17岁的渴望,慢慢学着做对的事情
慢慢学着,做自己,在不主动伤害别人的情况下
有人攻击你了,你要嘛闪,要嘛反击
但我始终觉得,可以自卫,但不要主动攻击
得饶人处且饶人,凡事留一线,日后好相见

17岁的我的梦想其实很多都被我丢掉了
也不为什么,不过就是在权衡利弊的过程中的生存法则
17岁,我有很多的梦想
但凌驾在这些梦想之上的,确实简单快乐

其实,不管我做了什么还是不做什么
我只想要快乐,由始至终,我只想要快乐

这么说吧,我的一切都可以牺牲,唯独快乐不可以

所以我跟懂我的朋友可以厮混到天亮
可是却冷漠的面对陌生人
这不是所谓的人群恐惧症吧
而是,一种礼貌性的距离

曾经我困扰过自己的朋友圈子很小
有一天我听见同学们在抱怨身边出卖朋友的二五仔很多
有的还说她和她的一些朋友只是场面朋友,根本没有私交,却还是要花上很大笔的交际花费
我静静的听她们说,脑子慢慢浮现我几个朋友的脸
“啊,是多么的深得我的信任啊!”
同学们看我沉默,转头问我关于“假朋友”的意见
我耸耸肩说没意见,因为我的朋友都是真心,都是交心的
同学沉稳的回答,“李佳恩,你已经没什么朋友了,你所仅剩的朋友里如果还有虚假的,那你就完蛋了”

想想也是啦,可是我觉得还好
在我看来,所谓的朋友应该就是重质不重量的啊
如果所谓的友情还包括虚伪做作迎合追捧,那这样的友情不要也罢
如果我这样的价值观是错的,那我不要对

我相信我的朋友,上天安排我们相遇在成长的道路
让我们的生活彼此牵绊,那很好啊,我们没有让祂老人家失望啊
我们踏踏实实的活着,肩并肩,偶尔你累了我给你靠,我摔了你搀着

神啊,谢谢你给我那么好的朋友
请你一定要保佑我所有的朋友们一起快快乐乐开开心心的

昨天很好朋友们到槟岛走透透去找吃的
终结一天下来吃了9个站,最后一战还是ktv的自助式晚餐
唱着歌的时候,我满足的打了一个嗝,没有人听到
有一种罪恶的兴奋感

呵。

其中一个朋友说她很喜欢和我们一起唱k
因为我们点的歌都很像,是那种不管是谁点的,我们大家都会唱的程度

我试过和同学去一次ktv,歌路不一样真的很头痛
唱别人不懂的歌吧,别人有闷闷的看着荧幕
唱别人懂的歌吧,我又不会唱

所以说吧,还是有差的啊!

夜了。洗洗睡吧。
我喜欢昨天,喜欢今天。
喜欢和相熟的人儿混在一起的每一天!
嗯!我还要到亲菇家看电影,顺便买披萨去吃!

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p/s.
我好庆幸我的朋友都是正面的人,在我情绪低落的时候,我的朋友即使也很低落她们还是会把自己体内的正面能量挤出来,鼓励我。一生交友得此,夫复何求?看着照片里我们开心的笑着,有了这样的朋友,我害怕什么?这一辈子,我都要那样笑着走下去!


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Wednesday 4 July 2012

朋友

我真的很喜欢我的朋友


那么多人都走了,你们还在

有的人,你很自然的会跟他聊很多事情
即使很微不足道,你还是会什么都讲

我们一起聊起很多以前的东西
站在一起看着很远的彼岸
吃着东西就可以很开心

因为朋友,因为他们这几个朋友
我了解到幸福快乐其实很简单


Sunday 1 July 2012

要破釜沉舟的show hand

如果我哭,请你假装看不到
没有人希望自己给别人的印象是脆弱的

部落格关了,因为纠结了

曾经的同学去了英国,去了四年前我梦寐以求的英国
是该放下的,但很难
为什么我这么害怕坚持呢?
这辈子,我坚持过什么?没有吧?
我只是一个胆小鬼
几个星期前,我信誓旦旦的嚷着考完试一定要去旅行
结果呢?我迷迷糊糊的过了两个星期,不一会儿功夫,要开学了

最近,我一直想起15岁的我,顶天立地的说着这辈子一定不要念会计
然后22岁呆呆的看着那个精力旺盛的15岁,默默的道歉

我也会想起18岁的那个我,不顾波涛汹涌的反对浪潮,执意去拉曼学院,狂妄的许下英国的梦
然后22岁的我痛哭失声在深夜里,不住的对着镜子道歉

我好久,都不敢看镜子了
宁愿自己邋邋遢遢的出门也不想看见镜子里一事无成的自己
眼泪还没有流干,我还是常常醒在无尽的噩梦
梦见一事无成的自己匍匐在街头苟延残喘

3idiots 里边有一幕是raju和farhan看见放榜的名词中,自己包尾,而好朋友却拿了第一名
旁白说,“如果你的朋友落榜了,你会很伤心。但如果你的朋友考了第一名,你会更伤心。这就是人性”

就像现在的我,朋友们一个一个过着我梦寐以求的生活
我却只能躲在电脑荧幕面前痛哭失声
我祝福他们啊,但我的心还是会痛
想象着那些冷言冷语,想象着那些........冷言......冷语。

我在面子书的cover photo是春光乍泄所谓的世界的尽头
照片有一句小张的对白,“我终于来到世界的尽头”
难道这就是我给我自己的预告?

我已经走到人生的尽头?我已经没有改变世界的勇气?
我已经不再有任何可能吗?

亲爱的部落格,我可以睡死在这里吗?
在我美丽的回忆中,我想要安详地离去

此时此刻,真的觉得大家都好陌生
我原来只有我自己



有人问过,“如果世界即将崩解,你剩最后一通电话,,你会打给谁?”

打给父母?打给爸爸,那妈妈怎么办?那打给妈妈,爸爸怎么办?
最后,不能打给父母,把爸爸留给妈妈,把妈妈留给爸爸

打给兄弟姐妹?不行,他们都有自己的爱人,我没有资格霸占他们最后的一通电话

打给好朋友?不行,好朋友也有他们的爱人,更有他们的家人,
真的爱他们,那就让他们了无遗憾的离开,不要去抢那个最重要的位置

这般时候,才发现自己是那么了无牵挂的人
是寂寞,是孤独,是落单。

所以最后,我没有打那最后的一通电话
我搬了张凳子,细细的看着即将崩解的世界
最后卷缩在椅子上,抱着自己最爱的被单,沉沉的睡着,不再醒来

生命将尽的一刻,我只有我的被单

听我哭,陪我笑,陪我熬夜念书的,原来是我的被单
如果被单可以幻化成人,那它会不会是最了解我的那一个
阿信写了首歌给洗衣机,改天,我也给被单写个故事好了









我觉得好一点了
再发泄一下下,就能全好了吧?

现在开始,我要勇敢努力的去坚持
想好了就不会变,要破釜沉舟的show hand。



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