The story goes this way:

My photo
We are all so alike yet we are totally different.
人生苦短何必念念不忘

Monday 31 October 2011

i BREAK my car

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i got this one call
and im all ready for my depressions

its good knowing people care and believe in you
though it feel sucks when knowing everyone is too apart for a hug

im very sad or emo or angry or frustrated or whatever
because i crushed my car on the side and the bumper has a hole on it right now
in other words, my budget for a berry is crushed together with the bumper
my money for berry is now moving to the bumper

well fine.

god has it destined and i shall follow
just a phone. just a car. just some cash.

maybe i just dont deserve what i wanted

so fine.

i've been good for 21 years without it, i dont mind more

i wasn't taking this so easily at first
my hunger was crushed with the bumper too.
as my bumper dies, it pull along a lot of my other.
i got back into my room, called my mum and informed her.
couldn't stop crying after that, it sucks.

feels like im some loser who only creates trouble and expenses

i just sat there staring into my notes and start depressing
everything in me goes into blue then stuck in grey
the raining sky, the messy table, the plenty notes

i sat there and try to let off the so called negatives in me
meanwhile trying to squeeze in lecture notes to my brain

i did manage to study one or two of it
though everytime i flip a page i couldnt help asking WHY

why now. why me. WHY

i planned so hard for savings and this is what i end up with.
irrelevant expenses
its like im purposely screw up, destined to fall from the high blue sky

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then i got that one call.
to tell me that its ok, just cry for  a bit and move on
to tell me things will work out eventually
to tell me she will bring me for some prayers for my recent bad lucks
to tell me i'm not as terrible as i was told
to ....talk me through

to listen to my cries
to listen to my sorrowfulness quietly
to listen to my complaints
to ....listen to my silent hysteria

someone to put my focus back on track
someone who says, 至少明天的不要搞砸

then i see this turnaround sign on my foreveremo path



at least i know what to focus on
though it still hurts somehow

im gonna go all thorough for the emo-ness
and start all over again

like my laptop when its spoiled, im professional in this reboot thing

OH!

did i mention who call?
well who else?



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i love you chingu. =))

saranghae chingu.
merci meilleur ami.
xie xie ni hao peng you.
terima kasih pacal.



im in massive breakdown.
heal me.







Sunday 30 October 2011

No longer stays

seems like a busy week ahead
and my phone is half-dead

whatever.

my dad is in massive depressions.
as a daughter, i don't know what to do
i can read worries and frustrations from my mum

well. my dad brought me up as a spoiled brad
the best example will be that he bought me a car,
but i never have to care bout the servicing part

dad's gonna call and ask and remind and make sure and everything

my cousin has to send the car to garage and communicate bout what happened to that car
and all i have to do is hand the keys over to my dad..
he himself will check the car, determine trouble and all
i only drive, tats it.

(which kind negatively impressed my aunt somehow)

so my point is my dad is brought up that way too
*a way where parents take care of everything and filter all potential trouble(sometimes opportunities too) you may have

well my mum brought me up on quite an opposite one,
it gets pretty contradicting, so.....you may say im brought up in a well-balanced space of freedom and limits
or you may say a confusing combination of authority

whatever it is, my parents are brought up in 2 extreme condition
so im.....im....alright im confused too

im actually trying to figure out a way to cheer my dad up
but sometimes, i realize most of the ways i can get are just....temporary
like, he smiles and the next moment he is in the midst of his job haze and stuffs again

it started while ago
now its getting serious-er

my brother suggested to play him old-time songs of his golden days
or even drunk him

somehow i don't think that's gonna work.

(wtf, i just got scolded by my mum for some retarded reason, im not gonna continue this)

Just, stop letting your anger on me and try to make that one stupid reason so strong.
Right from your tone, it reflects how weak the reason itself is.

like every now and then, im pissed but i am not supposed to defend myself
all i did was walk away

and flood myself with anger

and dream for candy and lollipops to get ready for my tomorrow

im immune to this treatment
immune as in it still hurt, but it no longer stays.



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Thursday 27 October 2011

Never mind, I'll find someone like you




"Someone Like You"

I heard that you settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,"

Yeah.You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

*******************************

I drove home today and heard this twice
the lyrics to me are simply awesome
and i like how adele carries her song

i used to sing-along with "Rolling in the deep"
simply because i love the phrase "rolling in the deep"

and now im impressed by "someone like you"

and also adele's voice itself
damn i love how i love her voice
LOL

im not a professional song listener
my friend would know, i can't even sing

but i like adele

not as heavy as Susan Boyle
and not as filthy as Britney Spears
and not as dance-y as Beyonce

its all just right for me
 i like her.
=)

oh, and she's back.
once, i adored her so much.
and now, its time to pull our love back
<3






Wednesday 26 October 2011

loudest cry

Preface:

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-Preface End-

Chapter 1

i'd prefer myself sleeping now
why must my phone die on me when im stuck in the middle of all these haze
too many expenses this month and im very imbalance

yea right.
im that spoiled kid who took everything for granted
i never feel thankful and never has the thankful feeling

why troubles come all at once as if they are planned?!
WHY

i saved so hard and im blow over for some stupid reason
i used to be so damn nice to my bank account
and then THIS IS WHAT I GOT

just, even if you're trying to imply to me how hard money are earned
don't position me into a beggar

im big enough to learn the word PRIDE

dont simply let go off me like im so retarded kid
i look into your thoughts and i read between the lines of your words

which i end up pretty hurt inside

i never know how to tell

i thought things were different finally
but it was just a beautiful dream that is short enough to smash reality on my face

i dont think i deserve this

for all i have done, im tired
tired of defensing, tired of arguing, tired of fighting

i should just let everything go
and never this much i hope that i could evaporate into the air
im tired of fulfilling responsibilities
im tired of trying to fit in
im tired of being beside myself all the time

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i never felt belong

im destined to crash i think

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#foreveralone
#foreverfail
#foreverandeveriwillneverunderstandthemetheyexpected

I dont know
i thought being expected was good
then i realize they distorted the expectations
they want it too badly but they were too shy to tell
im not interested in guessing around whats in your mind, might as well just tell straight to the point

why can't i let loose of myself and recklessly live my life
no. cause i have responsibilities
im SUPPOSED to live nice and good in general to not disappoint people around me

but meanwhile transforming myself into what they'd prefer
i don't know who i am anymore

who am i
what's in me
where am i
how did i end up here
when is this going to end

somebody?

nobody.

no one is ever there when i needed someone
better says i never know how to need someone
cause no one will be there for sure
i have to cry myself through every tough times
people said my tough times were childish
im just a stupid kiddo acting so miserable

but when its a tough time, its tough
there's no such thing as in mature or childish tough time, is there?
NO

There is no such reason that my tough times are fake cause they are too childish

in every stage of life, there are tough times
no one has the right to criticize anyone else that is in a hard battle
because we are just the same

fighting something we don't quite understand but is too coward to stop

too many i've lost and the list still counting


一輩子像一隻沒有尊嚴的狗
但還是活下去 像狗一樣 努力掙扎不言放棄不懼艱辛的活下去
只有活著 才有希望
 即使活著本身,很絕望。

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-Chapter Ends-

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*I cry silently, I cry hopelessly*



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我的手機壞了 它正持續奮鬥往“我真是壞透了”的心理境界全力前進
我勸不住它

家裡互聯網也正在與我展開立場堅定的抗戰
它正慢慢的參悟九把刀的“慢慢來 比較快”

沒。動。力

Tuesday 25 October 2011



Sunday 23 October 2011

crapology


dated: 14/09/2011

我想念我的好朋友 好想念好想念
突然檳城又回到之前的冷冷清清
即使是現在這樣在渡假,心裡頭還是空空蕩蕩的
回到家,又是一個人打拼的日子

才發現我心頭上的人們都散落在不一樣的地方
認識想念,學會想念  但我始終不曾看透

有時候不知道當初在矜什麼
為什麼我的朋友們都不約而同的選擇孤身上路
沒有人相約一起上大學 壓根兒沒想過
可能大家都想出去闖嗎 還是我們只是習慣獨立
我一個人去上我的學院 把自己丟到一大片陌生的人潮裡頭  淹沒

是啊 至少我覺得我看到了人的樣子
不是每個人都像朋友那樣無條件愛你 因為不是每個人都是朋友

莫忘初衷


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看完了“步步驚心”“美人心計”,都是古代歷史劇
可都拍偏了 
以前我也覺得劉詩詩很漂亮的 但在步步驚心裡卻被女配角們比了下去
也許天生不適合古裝扮相吧

步步驚心和宮鎖心玉都是一樣的故事
要說忠於原著嘛 兩個不相上下 都差的很遠
但宮鎖心玉的姑娘要漂亮一些
至於故事本身 我本來就對雍正沒啥興趣 我喜歡的是康熙
而劉松仁版本的康熙確實比湯鎮業要霸氣得多
宮鎖心玉裡的康熙 太柔弱了 喜歡一個邵美琪喜歡到天昏地暗 我不服
呵呵 不過兩部劇我都留下了 不捨得刪 就盼著以後某天會想再看一遍

說完了穿越劇 我要來談美人心計
之前就听聞說這部劇很特別 很好看 但因為林心如的關係 紫薇真的傷很大啊
最後雖然還是按耐不住就點了這部劇
一開始看林心如演的柔弱奶娘我幾乎快要撐不下去了
那時候覺得奶娘這角色一向都很模糊,所以以為這部戲會以奶娘的角度出發
但那奶娘太紫薇了 但幸好過沒多久就死了
不然如果要我等紫薇般柔弱的奶娘犀利起來 我不知道要等到公元幾年

其實美人心計這劇名取得不貼切  應該叫“竇漪房傳”
一整部戲都是她 所謂一朝天子一朝臣
可是不管哪一個皇帝當道 都有着一個竇漪房在橫行霸道
而且一開始 陳鍵鋒他娘不是讓他在一個冰天雪地的地方練功嗎
我怎麼整部劇沒看見他耍啥功夫
那地方搞得跟楊過的寒玉床一樣 神秘兮兮的 結果還不是一樣病死了
還有 為什麼一個個當皇帝的都那麼身子弱
不是吃燕窩 嚼人參的帝王嗎?身子還比不過那些宮人

劉恆是這樣 劉啟也是這樣 可能是他們家血統就是如此吧

而且后宮裡的女人 居然每個都比夫君長命 連最後的那個王娡也是
難道那些當太后的太王太后的都命帶克夫?

雖說這戲是美人心計的題
但我壓根兒沒啥震撼到美人心計
第一,因為美人不多
第二,因為心計不比宮心計
美人心計的心計散佈在了各個不一樣的時代 所以心計自然不比宮心計
至於美人嘛,呃,見仁見智,純屬意見,若有雷同,不勝榮幸。

但是林心如最後的那一段話說的倒是很不錯,“不要忘記自己原來的樣子”。
簡之,莫忘初衷。
這句話其實並不是很能勾起我對這部戲的共鳴,反而是她跟劉徹說的我很贊成。

在病榻上,老態龍鍾的她輕拍孫子的手,緩緩地說,“少動殺念,終有報的。去吧,去做想做的事,趁還來得及的時候”。

從一個身經百戰的老人家口中說出來的這番話,其實別有一番風味對吧?

竇漪房一生,就撒過了一次謊,害死一個人。就是聂慎兒,也因此她竇漪房一生也就被慎兒她兒子絆著。她讓那麼個孩子沒了母親,他也讓那麼個母親沒了兒子。只有到挽回不了的時候,竇漪房才抱著那錐心的遺憾鬱鬱而終。

“少動殺念,終有報的。去吧,去做想做的事,趁還來得及的時候”。

這句話很像無間道裡邊吳鎮宇他老爸說的“出來行,遲早要還”
也像呂子喬的,“人在江湖飄,哪能不挨刀?”

神馬都是浮雲,這一切的一切不過是人間的煙火罷了!
這句話,怎麼會那麼貼切? 呵,都是浮雲,都他媽的是浮雲!

××題外話,我想問,為什麼林心如從頭到尾 都沒什麼老過?連髮型也只換了一次。人家從家人子,到美人,到皇后,到真的皇后,到太后,到太皇太后,這一整個過程都沒有很明顯的刻印在她的外表,從穿著到妝容都沒有什麼改變。可能我給tvb寵壞了,我總覺得如果這部戲給tvb拍,也許外在包裝會好很多,但可能內容就會更偏離歷史。誒,魚與熊掌真的不能兼得嗎?我給你蝦啦,你為什麼就不能再多下點心思呢?××

美人心計偶爾會讓我思考 是不是我們一定要經歷這麼個爾虞我詐的過程
難道非得要經過那樣的過程我們才可以在破繭而出 再一次長大?

學院裡頭已經有這樣的人了,在我忙著交朋友的時候
有些人忙著拉攏勢力,鞏固地位
當我們對這些小動作嗤之以鼻的時候 那些人睥睨的冷瞧我們

彼此都不贊成彼此的信念啊
我們就不明白了 好好的讀書不行 非得要搞得雞飛狗跳眾叛親離才能算活過是嗎

我不懂 但我會不斷的提醒自己 莫忘初衷
我們出來跑江湖的,圖的就是幹一票拯救社稷的大事業
學富五車又如何 我們要的是真誠以待的一顆真心
車子可以窄一點  房子可以小一點  日子可以淡一點
但這做人,不能沒有原則
原則就像生活的軀幹,沒有了原則,做什麼都不會成事的
霸王別姬裡張國榮他師父說 “人要自個兒成全自個兒”

牛不喝水,怎麼按得牛頭低呢?

莫忘初衷 莫忘初衷啊!
故事演完了,但卻OS 說新的美人心計將繼續
是啊 世世代代間,只有災難被完好無損的保存至今
那一些不好的事總是比較好傳承

這世界 他媽的都是浮雲

×××××××××××××××

今天還看了金鐘獎的部分得獎名單
我不明白為什麼隋棠會輸 更不明白潘瑋柏的演技是怎麼個好法

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在搞什麼飛機
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我唯一接受並樂見其成的就是號角響起,雖然我個人會把票投給陶子
但事已至此 我們只能選擇拍手還是不拍手
我就 …….拍給所有失敗的人 明年別白費力氣了
這個世界上不見得所有人的意見都得被接受,因為不是所有人,都是人。

阿信說的對,“學校最應該教的是如何面對失敗,但是學校沒有教。”

是啊 學校不僅沒有教我們如何面對失敗 它還教我們鄙視失敗
不管在什麼戰鬥中 失敗的一方總還是得要活不是嗎?
但學校只教我們努力不懈廢寢忘食的求勝利
其實很多人不是害怕失敗,他們是不懂得面對失敗

試問,沒有輸過的人,又怎麼能勝得漂亮呢?

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呃。對不管自己的事不要多管,明哲保身才是王道,阿彌陀佛!


Friday 21 October 2011

我相信彩虹



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Dated : 19th October 2011
Venue: G hotel
Time: Dinner
People: Schoolmates

其實我很感謝老天爺 給我這樣的同學
友好的同學 其實才是求學的最終目的
我不認為求學的過程應該以課業為標準 摒棄其他元素
我覺得 不論在什麼情況下 我們都要準備好交心
只有真誠以待 我們才有資格 以人的身份 去交涉

幹練精明伶俐聰明如黃蓉
都敗給“寧天下人負我,莫我負天下人”

是啊 如果一開始沒有把心掏出來
是不可能會交到朋友的

真心 就像信任
大家互相交出來, 那才可成事

學院裡有太多不必要的爾虞我詐
也許未來的職場上的黑暗也莫過如此
但正正是因為如此 我們才需要更多的朋友來支撐我們
在我們被職場潛規則絆倒的時候
我們不想家裡的長輩擔心 但也不能無止盡的壓抑啊

所以我們需要朋友
需要那種會拎著啤酒 拍拍胸口 豪邁地說一醉方休的朋友

我知道我失去很多珍貴的友誼
所以在這些層層疊疊的失去中
我慢慢的害怕了 我終於承認自己的不安全感
然後開始學習珍惜眼前人

謝謝老天爺始終沒有放棄我
在那麼多的躊躇之後
我還是有義無反顧留下來的朋友

和一些新的朋友

人需要秉持自己堅信不移的信念
才能安安穩穩的走每一步路

世界上的對或錯一向都是極其模糊的
我們只能在不違背自個兒良心的前提下做每一個艱難的決定

有些朋友離開了 有些朋友回來了

但這一些所有的人
離開的 消失的 留下的 陪伴的 新來的 將來的
你們全部, 我都會想念的

想念我們曾經一起並肩的那一段
緣份停在那裡 沒有再繼續
但記憶想酒 越老 越醇

我只想好好珍惜現在身邊的每一個人
世界隱隱透露出來的動盪不安
讓我深刻的感悟活在當下的重要性

總是擔心未來,悔恨過去
那可得怎麼活

今日的所有 終將逝去
所以我們必須活在當下 而不是虛無縹緲的所謂將來
更不是鏽跡斑斑的過去

學院裡的勾心鬥角不管我的事
多看歷史片的人都會明白
大智若愚 是最長遠的生存之道

大智若愚
大智若愚啊!

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釋迦摩尼的笑容總是慈悲
但五湖四海千山萬水
最後始終逃不過一場空

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這個世界 其實 沒有我們想像的那麼沉重




Monday 17 October 2011

One cursed day


I’m physically unstable, but whatever I said, comes truly from the bottom of my heart.
Said it. Meant it, learnt it.

I had a presentation this noon, and it sucks.

We are guided by this fucking lecturer into a hole she dug and in the end,
she said we're wrong from the whole beginning. fuckinggoddamnitWRONG

holy shit.

i couldnt talk to her and I end up god damn pissed.
we worried she might not grade fairly and yes, what we feared, turn out right on our face.

damn just because you don't have the technical knowledge that doesnt mean you get to just focus on what you do understand and ignore the rest alright!!! just, You can't just focus on what you know and expect more than what you can offer.

first we cant be honest in our evaluation form, and we even lose our right to remain silent. because we're threatened that if we dont do the form we will not get the grades. FINE. fuckyoucollege! i did the evaluation, covering my conscience, said you're performing fine yet HELL NO, you sucks...probably the worst lecturer ever.

second thing we are expected to prepare tutorial slides and all you did was sit there and comment. FINE. We did, and then you penalize everything and blamed us for not putting enough effort. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THEN? CHOPPING SOME FRUITS AND MAKE YOUR DISGUSTING SALAD AND ACT LIKE ALL SO HEALTHY. and try to talk us through those so-called unhealthy food?WTF. who are you for so. You're old, and everybody knows it, bloody hell, you're just fear of death thats why.

Then we're at the point of exams and then you're running out of time. You threw all those answers for us and expect us to study on our own. and not forgetting to say the topics are VERY IMPORTANT and we must know it. oh yeah, you'd rather spend time perming your hair, doing your nails and not even plan your own teaching. HONEY, this is not the exclusive right of holding a PhD ok. You're not the only PhD, you're not as valuable as you thought. Because you're a slut, thats what makes you special and out-stand all others.

then now we're in the mid of semester. You take your own sweet time and drag the whole syllabus. You had us answer comprehension question when we're supposed to be doing calculations already! We're 2 weeks behind schedule, WE ARE ALWAYS BEHIND SCHEDULE. and all you did was fetch your daughter, take your umbrella, eat your salad, and do your nails. yeah, you're 100% slut.

and today's presentation, you tell everyone the correct answer and suppress all our things. OI, i consult you as i was doing and now you just turn your back and say, WRONG. what? I'm just a joke OR WHAT?! You can't teach the way you think it would work. honestly saying, you had me feel that you paid for your PhD and you're nothing of that standard.

As a lecturer, you don't worth my respects.
Respects are like confidence, you need to earn to own.
and you won't have mine forever.

You can't teach, that's a fact.

I'd rather believe google than your holy craps.
you are a disgrace, the school having you is a shame. yeah, my school is a shame
how can they make you such a position when you can't even pass knowledge to student?

Gosh! I was so pissed, but im over it slowly now.
can't do much.

at least this lesson taught me that im gonna meet this kind of useless creatures in future
they are above me, and they don't have a brain yet i can't do anything about it

right. They say having a temper like mine is gonna get me nothing but trouble. I'm sorry, if living a good life requires me to fake my real self, I'd rather live an average one. I was bornt original and I'm not gonna die a copy. I will make my way through life, I will continue to believe in my beliefs. I want to live this life the way I want, don't tell me what to do.

My mum sent me to school to learn, not imitating. I don't wanna live like you though it seem quite decent. Having a high pay job without the actual ability and no one dares to question you.

I'm sorry, i believe this is not something my mum will be proud of. I wanna be someone that is true.

the grade you've gave is low, freaking low.
i know i deserve more. but never mind, I will never beg  you for that, Im not gonna beg someone whom i don't even respect. I don't need your affirmation, having that is a disgrace. I know what I'm doing and I know what you're doing either.

You damaged the final dignity of you in me. Now, even the rubbish in bin worth more than you do.
at least they are recycle-able. you're hopeless.

They say we must adopt to situation.
but adopting isn't about changing the real you with force just to make sure you like the others
adopting should be the real you find a way to be within something without having to compromise being a true person as you always have been. I hate her, yet she has the right over me, of course I'm not going to do anything silly to revenge. I will not make any effort to give her a hard time, that's stupid, I'll leave it to the destiny as i know, her spoiled personality aint getting her anywhere good either.

I don't like you, that doesn't mean I'm gonna bring you trouble. Honestly saying, you don't worth a single percent of effort of mine. I make it clear that i don't like you and that only means, when you're in trouble, I will have to think twice on whether to save you or not. For example, if you're on fire, and I have a cup of water, I will drink it.

dear lecturer, please keep messing up. and watch me rule this world. one day, you will realize all those wrongs you're been doing. Let your guilty flood you. I will be in the middle of my life, enjoying every single moment. and never forget how betraying myself will damage my great life, you've made a good example.

you're another loser on my list and still counting.

tears, words, rude words, cries, complaints, The End--Been through.
Through it, im a better person, you're still that same old bitchy slut.

so long. you will be stuck in your room with your pathetic salad
and my life, its bout to set off to somewhere higher up.

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I might think of you, when im at the top of my life.
thinking of what i've been through
thinking of what made me strong enough

then end everything with a smile.

it all ended now, you've made your choice, I've made mine.
we will not be on the same route. so bye. please don't show up again.


行其意


整一個星期沒有好好寫一篇沉澱心情的文章
主要因為著實沒有神馬可以沉澱的 平平靜靜的生活 安安穩穩的日子
現在也是因為天氣太差 人太悶 閒來無事看自己能寫點什麼嗎
不然 以我這情緒 就快大鬧天宮了 他媽的
我說上帝,你讓雨天和熱天洞房了吧,哪兒來這鬼天氣?

最近覺得那段從小走到大的路其實風光明媚
可以看到很大片很大片的天空
小時候很喜歡在車上追著月光  再看著片片的樹林幻想鬼故事
即使現在長大了  還是很喜歡那一趟路
通常不會是我開車  爸爸媽媽會在前座聊著彼此工作的點滴
我在後座可以自由選擇此起彼落的搭腔 還是靜靜看著車窗外 快速掠過的一切
如果選擇後者 我通常會邊看著然後慢慢睡著

很多寫出來的東西都是那時候想的
那一段路 是很適合思考的一段路
偶爾我會一個人走那一段路 可能是去送爸爸 或是接爸爸
那時候我會幻想自己正開車在那種筆直的美國高速公路
旁邊都是沙漠  車子快速甩尾還會掀起輕微的沙塵暴

我喜歡讓我的想像力馳聘在我的生活之上
就像我每天鍥而不捨的相信狼人吸血鬼獵命師那樣
就像每天晚上堅持不懈地相信衣櫥裡有長发女鬼那樣
那是我的生活獨特的一個部分
如果非得要我說出個我為什麼是獨立的個體而不是別人的影子的話
那這將會是我的答案
“因為我願意相信我的幻想,並且義無反顧的只相信它一個,不需要任何憑證的”

最近教授偶爾會不自覺的提醒我們關於畢業後的事情
也就是我避而不談的升學
我有我想要的 但也有我不想犧牲的 更有我無法控制的
綜合以上種種  導致我像在解高數題目一樣 處於放棄與不放棄的拉扯掙扎中

如果我說我累了 那過分嗎
人一旦有了要求 就很容易身心俱疲

有人跟我說過一個理論  說如果他從來不知道
什麼是氣質   什麼是氣勢   什麼是外觀   什麼是感覺   什麼是印象
他壓根兒可能還是那個曾經的天真無邪
他總結,科技的進步帶來資訊的便利,資訊的便利帶來的卻是人們更無窮的探求。

我在想 如果我不曾接觸互聯網 也許今天的我根本不會知道什麼是anti social

知道多了 怕的也就多了 責任也就更多了

其實這樣被大自然包圍著聽歌,把自己的思緒一傾而下,也不失為一種放鬆
當人們都說上夜店瘋狂喝酒跳舞狂歡才是放鬆的時候
我慶幸我還能理智的判斷什麼才是最適合我的

謝謝上帝 給我一個能夠思考的腦子
我不要成為時代的狗奴才 我只想潛伏在每一個時代 當我的流浪狗
看我想看 過我能過


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