The story goes this way:

My photo
We are all so alike yet we are totally different.
人生苦短何必念念不忘

Thursday 30 June 2011

walking on sunshine

i got so thrilled this morning
when i got my test result and when my lecturer helped so much on our assignment
i said this happy are to be spent, so i can focus back on my next test preparation

i miss that

now im starving in front of my laptop with a stack of notes aside waiting
study life can be real miserable at times
when the schools schedule planner is in lack of creativity and kindness

whatever

im watching Glee this recent. Like slowly watching but keeping up. then i realize i couldnt tell a thing which i really work hard on during high school times. it was something to be ashamed of when you tell people you're working hard for something, its like you want something so badly and imagine everyone else face when you dont get it.

it looks better when you're with a slacking attitude but fantastic awards

that dont work i guess
its just some stupid falsifications we were fed from tv shows
we all thought we're bornt with something special that permits us slack through the whole process
we thought we could get away from all the hard works and still taste the best fruits. right. we all thought.

Now that i look back, i looked at that kiddy me. i've got so much to tell her but it will never reach, always too late for so huh. if only she worked harder....then i am no more who i am

nothing is out of plan, its all written in god's lil note
we're like characters on a play set that cant help on that tearful ending
we may be smiling like a blossom flower at the start
but deep down, we all know the flower is gonna wilt
never have the choice to say anything



gawd im starving i forgot what was i going to say

oh i took off my chatbox thing
its..never used but only spammed
and its annoying to see some andrewmariajenniferwhatsoever name with advertising attempt

and these days lot of them locked their blog
i've seen lots of blog being locked and yet i got no invitation
man i have no friends. LOL
no worries. i understand the need of a secret place
like how i always wanted one but i dont wanna end up an "exposing freaky"
when its a secret, it should remain unknown, for everyone
i've seen enough people sharing secrets-so-called which turn out, everyone else knows
its just sick, imagine you thought that's the deepest dark spot in your well concealed heart
but wow, people are touring it like a showroom
its offensive, nothing less than being raped --to be violated without willingness



can't recall anything i planned to say
Im just having too much in my plate i guess
whole brain is full of stuffs that if i could only unload them to examine one by one
notes are calling and thats all of my runaway



life can come up to you pretty fast
like how i thought im still a freshman but is already the oldest in the house
soon i will be stepping into work place and
i dont know. QuietlyFantastic i hope.

"Life has killed the dream, I dreamed"
-SusanBoyle, I dreamed a dream

when that breath-taking voice first reaches our ears, we so happy, 
but as it reveals, thats just a voice that can flood itself into a huge crowd anytime, 
like us.

struggling hard for life
and scratch every tiny bit of happiness
may not fancy the scratching
but worth the happiness

Wednesday 29 June 2011

Don't be a drag, just be a queen

its time like this that i love most to blog
something like the end of a day and you have so much to tell about
days are long when you suffer
nah. just saying

we have to learn finding joy in every simple and ordinary. remember how i praise my food?its not like i always have good food, its just, i have a lower satisfactory level. i can find the tasty in them perhaps easily. and urm, whatever.

test is on friday, and i might hang out tomorrow. not too sure bout everything, thats my attitude on everything. oh now i remember i am supposed to wake up early tomorrow for 9am appointment. ISH. damn i need a secretary and an assistant. duh

im still sorting out stuffs in my mind like every usual, so somehow i fail to concentrate on one topic at a time. there's way too much running in my mind right now.

i like doodling

there are times that i wished everyone can just scratch their sugar-coating out. Im sick of people sticking around you pretending you're like the true friend and...god knows how do they actually feel behind?

seriously, get a life.

you being two face only mean one problem to me--which face to slap first???

Dont you ever tell me thats how you survive. Im not interested in your dirty lil game. You're pure pathetic if you think being strategy in relationship is essential for survivor, you're just pity that you never had real friends who just care. I know I'm blessed with quite some of these, which is why can you please stop expecting me to play your stupid game with your filthy rules? Its just that, when Im treating everyone like my real friends, you kept me wonder if you really know what "friends" are meant to be.

You dont hurt me, cause you dont worth the hurt at all. You were my friend, like true friend. But now, I get to peak once behind your mask and thats more than enough. I know enough of you. I dont wanna know anymore of you that will do nothing but disgust me.

No matter how you hide, you're just covering your low in confidence layers by layers
deep down, you're still a pathetic empty shell
and soon, one day when your mask get sticks on your face
you will lose your true self

and i might still be around you
but i will not feel sorry for that

its just, your choice.

you could be real pretty, but an ugly personality ruins a pretty face way too easily
I'm average joe in a bunch of average joe
but at least, I learned the true means of relationship
its built on something so abstract that only the heart feels it and..
the brain cant even identify or analyze

you keep on your stupid games
I'll step aside and watch your show
while getting my popcorn ready for what goes around comes around

=)

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OMG Oat Milo Garlicbread

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The other day I stumbled on a question
"How do we count our blessings?"

Put me wondered for quite a while
and then i went to my friend

"log into your blogspot, in dashboard 
check the number right above NewPost"

yay, I've 684 Quietly Fantastic blessings since year 2009.
still counting. oh, this makes 685.
=)

and I'm enjoying bonus of 31 frame it all up blessings too

how can i not love my life?
awh.

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Monday 27 June 2011

年年岁岁花相似,岁岁年年人不同

每次坐下來想要努力讀書力爭上游
都會搬出爸爸媽媽的金句說努力讀書多好多好
然後    屢試屢敗      幹

呵  這一種說法我大概還在喝奶的時候就懂得嗤之以鼻了
切!仰天大笑出門去 我輩豈是蓬蒿人
神馬年代了還發奮圖強

唉 努力讀書求上進已經過期很久了

什麼時候開始父母都向孩子曉以大義
說一紙文憑可以為將來的生活帶來種種誘人的保證
什麼時候我們開始說門面功夫
說佛靠金裝 人靠衣裝 長得不入流 天生就得被遺留
什麼時候讀書不再是增長知識
而是為了成為所謂的“受過教育”
什麼時候愛好不再只是閒暇活動
居然還決定了一個人的氣質?!

這些什麼時候 其實都是在潛移默化之中對吧
姑不論是什麼時候象徵性的開始
然 事實是 這一切已成定局 萬般皆是命 半點不由人啊!

我開始偷偷收起我曾經天不怕地不怕的夢想
那些已經無法完成的 成了我心坎上一個小鉛球
偶爾滾到小角落裡消失了 偶爾滾到我腳邊輕輕地觸碰著我

我懷疑以前的李佳恩會鄙視我嗎
她的信誓旦旦成了我的過眼雲煙
她的慷慨激昂成了我的無言以對

對不起 好嗎 就對不起了

力不從心這檔事 是人類就得要習慣
像踩香蕉皮一樣 踩爛了 就不滑了

現在我也正在力不從心啊
突然發現自己要兼顧的東西怎麼那麼多
想說拋開卻又發現瀟灑是一個恐怖的選擇
課業 未來 家人 朋友 形象 真我

形像啊 拜託 那些老是瞎嚷嚷“沒有形象了!”“我的形像!”的人
去你的 我說的不是那種形象
我說的 是讓人家覺得你還是個人的形象
很多同學都說我的形象過於 “enjoy my life”
說的真好聽 攤開了不也就是在說我吊兒郎當嗎
呵呵 好吧 你們的好意我心領了

有的時候真不是我想吊兒郎當的
但是看過美國拍的印度片“3 Idiots”後我學會去珍惜這樣的我
戲裡邊有好多好多劇情都很觸目人“性”
但我這裡想要說的是Raju去應徵的那一段
當他說他用了一條命去換到那樣的個性,所以他絕對不會改變的時候
我想起了九把刀說過的:

“豪爽的把人生換作籌碼,愉快的推到上地面前。
每個人推到上帝面前的籌碼都不一樣,自然的回報也會不同!”

是啊 現在的我 即使稱不上是歷盡滄桑進化而成的
至少也花了我整大半的青春吧
而且重點是 我喜歡這樣的我
兵來將擋 水來土掩 船到橋頭自然直  是我最自然的心態
以前很執著的現在都要慢慢的放下
然後慢慢的去領悟 “本是無一物 何處惹塵埃” 的意境

所以我不想要改變 至少, 還不想

世事洞明皆學問 人情練達即文章
我相信只要我堅定 一定會有容得下我的地方
之前逼著自己趕上別人的步伐
以為一旦落後了也就落單了  這輩子也休想再趕上
這個時候恰恰就讓我認識了“初衷”二字
(有時還真覺得自己有如神助一般,總是在煩惱的點上迎面撞上正當的想法,說不定,說不定我真的有神之助?!)

3 idiots 這電影也真適逢時節
我看著故事主人公堅定的樣子
心裡默默地就長出了一棵樹 緊緊地抓著我
“就賭他一場”
在班上 我不曾是出色的 我只是反叛的
大家常常覺得我很脫線 因為我貌似很勤勞 卻一天到晚想吃東西
因為我貌似很兇猛(這詞.....) 卻常常因為一小包薯條亢奮
因為我貌似很聰明 卻常常被教授問得啞口無言
因為我貌似很冷酷 卻有著最生動幼稚的演示文稿幻燈片
因為我貌似很老成 卻背了個domokun書包 環抱海綿寶寶超人火柴人文件夾

所以班上的同學都覺得我很奇怪
也因此很少人 幾乎沒有跟我打交道
也許他們私底下會說我是那個很奇怪的那個
呵呵 其實我也想過是不是我應該主動跟大家打成一片
結果要好的朋友勸我不要去增加別人的心理壓力
她們說努力讀書的人無法接受看我每天輕輕鬆鬆的死樣子
不努力讀書的人更無法接受我每每考試都低空掠過的幸福
所以他們讓我退一步海闊天空 那個什麼 天高任鳥飛 海闊任魚躍 是吧

以前很傷心的 當大家四海皆兄弟 我卻必須形影單只 或者小貓兩三隻
別人跟你說什麼朋友知心的一個都嫌多  別傻了 我看他是不知道孤單寂寞怎麼寫
當你看見新開的餐廳 卻不知道可以邀誰一起
當你看見新上映的電影 身邊永遠就是沒有一個伴兒
當你開車經過那些浪花朵朵的海邊 卻就是提不起勁兒駐足觀賞

深怕那些洶湧的寂寞會吞噬了自己 打亂接下來的生活

怕 很怕

我還是會怕 怕以後自己要是失敗了 要是成了別人口中失敗的例子
那種無地自容 那種窘迫之情 那種情何以堪         我可以嗎?
但愛迪生不是為了證明才發明電燈泡的 我也不是為了證明些什麼才勉強活著
我是為了一場浩浩蕩蕩奢侈華麗嚐遍世界的人生際遇 才這麼努力的活着

人之所以痛苦 是在於追求錯誤的東西。世界原本就不是属于你,因此你用不着抛弃,要抛弃的是一切的执著。万物皆为我所用,但非我所属。虽然我们不能改变周遭的世界,我们就只好改变自己,用慈悲心和智慧心来面对这一切。

現在的我 六根清淨 適合出家



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他媽的 我好虔誠啊 上帝 麻煩關照關照

明天上完課去看海吧 很久沒有調整思緒了
我需要規律的海浪聲 來撫平我起伏不定的情緒
這陣子需要好好調養自己 一時之間過多的改變和認定
我開始迷失於那一個才是真正的我

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天地合,乃敢與君絕!
(現在覺得這句話氣勢磅薄!)

Saturday 25 June 2011

說學校有新政策了 接下來連晚上也會有考試
以前3個星期的考試期硬是被縮成了十天
我聽了還挺鎮定的 老神在在 連吭都沒有吭一聲
不是有自信 只是在學校久了 習慣了學校沒人性的政策
還吵什麼 曾經我也據理力爭 過後不也是無疾而終
算了 努力過就好了 流過汗 夢也該醒了

唉 日子就這麼過著  一天一天溜冰似的咻地一聲 擦肩而過
我就這麼坐著也不打算有什麼行動

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就這麼繼續相信着


Friday 24 June 2011

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又被潑冷水了
好吧 就這樣吧 吃苦當吃補 痛苦是養分

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最近在讀林夕的“人情·世故”

上課讀 下課讀 上圖書館讀 睡覺前讀
也許因為書很厚 我可以不用擔心看完的空虛

這幾天翻開記事本
從購物清單第一項慢慢劃掉
那麼多想要買的東西 那麼多想要做的事情
那麼多想要完成的願望 那麼多對未來的憧憬
一回頭 市徻得抓緊自己的錢包 深怕一分錢流失了
什麼心態? 既期待 又怕受傷害
矛盾得來又合情合理 合理得來卻又自相矛盾

原來我比自己想像的還要失敗
那些清單少說我一個月也要丟上十幾張
寫的時候是夢想 丟的時候是沉痛的夢想

一個lomo從沒有人知道到人手一機 我還是什麼都沒有
一個旅行從很期待到每提必傷
一堆書從引頸長盼到越等越多

我都不知道什麼是承諾和許願了
過後都得要被現實狠狠擊落嗎

當我信誓旦旦地說我一定要幹嘛
若干年後我還是唯唯諾諾的推翻了陳詞
一切 不過如國家大選的人潮 曲終人散 潮來潮去 不留半點痕跡
彷若一切不過是虛幻的 什麼都沒有的 連最後一點點失望都省下了

人無癖不可與交, 以其無深情也 --林夕 人情·世故

可我很多癖好啊 癖好氾濫就是我 簡稱癖濫

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都走吧 想留下的留下 
有地獄我們一起猖獗
天堂不是每個人都適合的
舒服的路不一定對我的胃口

我沒有講完
幹我他媽不想講了

你吹得我脹?

Tuesday 21 June 2011

NO I AM NOT GOING TO ADJUST THE CENTER ALIGNMENT THING

Another day sitting in here
not so sure if this is a waste of time
maybe i should get a mate
a mate that can sit there with me without disturbing
"just to keep me company"

nawh i just cant

friends are too far away
and im too lazy to go far

been avoiding roommate lately
well, different channel.
we're human, we don't just "get along" with everyone

guess it just aint anyone's prob
i dont like the way they act and i dont care what about them on me
something like this:
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and i will be like
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nawh. just saying. but the different channel is true thing

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right im out of words and ideas

i tried staring into my emptyness and yeah
said its emptyness and of course there's nothing in
end up time got all wasted

seeing quite a lot of people chit chatting
and then i start missing my friends
it would have been nice if i can chat like that

my brother says he went to school with the mood of attending a gathering
yeah so am i
i went college everyday for aiphing's handphone, joanne's food story, and others unfinish food
and sometimes its just a switch of sleep palce
when im sick of my hostel bed i go to lecture hall and take the table instead
then we went out for lunch or chill at the library

right, wait till my mum see what i just wrote

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housemates always commented that im a stress-free person
and i always reply the same answer
"well, i learned to relax before I learn stress."

thats true. relax could be my first word of life
once my friend says its good to be me, cause i can relax in almost everything
because im too lazy to do anything
right, i'll take it as a......... compliment

refer the picture up there. Im superman. Im beyond normal.

awh and i really wanna tattoo the "Quietly Fantastic" on me
mum, please. or i should ask my brother to do it first
it should be of lesser pain when im the follower instead of the doer
like neil armstrong (damn i cnt spell his name, isnt buzz lightyear the first to be on moon?)
the first is to be remembered.

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word. laugh more. just laugh.

i have friend that amaze food like i do
we're like slave to food and enjoyment, erm, yea, more on food.
we will praise food so heavenly while keep on eating
people often look stare at us, jaw-dropping when we both sit down and eat
we never fail seducing people purely by describing the food
we're good at the details between the bites
people often go "so nice meh?"
and we will be like, flash in the eyes, spirit at the top of the sky
excitedly saying, OF COURSE!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

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some people dont get it
there are 2 ways to get into heaven, death, or imagination.
im pro in the later

"you and your marvelous theory." --awh i get it all the time!




















FINE. i added the marvelous.

whatever. i love food and i admit that.
though it seems like my action never fail to impress others on my love on food
but well, its better i have something to love aint?

and ishh..my hair is annoying me
im going for a haircut, but dont know where and when
ishh, fine, if santa is true, make my hair the way i wanted when im up tomorrow morning

dear santa, i know you work officially on th 24th of december, but, consider this an overtime. double pay! sincerely, wisher


so i wasted my time again
and

dear future leekahinn,
the idea of sitting down thinking about your future is stupid and never work. please stop repeating the same mistake. thanks
never been any more sincere sincerely, ex-you.

Monday 20 June 2011

If I die young

An out break is more towards mentally where you float your mind above the routines and jobs.
We don't get addicted to out break, its just a breathing necessity for our life.
exactly, I sat there for an hour staring into the wind
seeing people passing by
wondering some wonders


too hurt to cry

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sometimes i have so many emotions that
i'd rather they stay mixed and untold

Every sunday night, i face the most routine fear
"the beginning of a busy week"


friend says she wished for a trip with all of us together
yea me too
when we're too old to act like retarded high school kids
and that we realize the best is always in the pass

When people browse through my computer 
and got shocked off the chair with the amount of photos i have 
and also the photos i have with my friends doing crazy stuffs
they look at me with the jaw-dropping ZOMG face

then I will smile and say softly to myself
"leekahinn, you lived a pass, keep on"

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we almost got to go redang this time round
before everyone started ignoring the suggestion

I still have the one image
that we all sitting around a campfire
right beside a wave-beating sea
then we have old school jokes
and then we all got drunk and lied down
gazing at the starry nights and some of us weep
some of us continue self-humiliating

then we reminisce
until the darkest time of the day
we decided to sleep on the shore


deep down, i wished it would come true
and god i would do anything to have it engraved in my memory
i swear, with my soul even.

but i feel helpless seeing everyone drifting apart slowly

if one day we're on the street and you forgot my name
or i hesitated to greet you
........
....
...
what a sad story that is.

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having faith in my friends doesnt help all the time
i still feel the most painful sadness everytime they acted unfriend
though i have those who cares
though i understand those who want to stay in my life would make an effort 
and those who wouldn't worth no effort
but this is just a truth, its not a pain killer

lived for 21 years
have friends
had friends
having friends
will have friends

what else can i ask for
 people come and people leave
its like shooting stars that is destined to pass by
i know for sure i will have my Polaris
and i have already had a couple of stars right up there blinking quietly days and nights
but still
i never stopped hoping that one day
those shooting stars will reach their ends
till then
i know i will keep on leaving and joining else's lives
we will greet and we will say goodbyes
until one day i found my shore, my Polaris
that will guide my way through every adventure

for now, 
Quietly Fantastic
=)

Friday 17 June 2011

還好有那些 什麼都可以講的朋友
不然難保不會就這麼揪著 憋死了

Tuesday 14 June 2011

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im addicted and i just cant get enough

i decided that i should come out for my assignments
somewhere I wouldnt be able to touch my blanket
now everytime i try explaining that "blanket obsession"
i tend to get a look from literally everyone

right, i always get INCREDIBLE sights.

so i went lunching with friend where our original plan failed...FOR THE SECOND TIME
damn the first time the shop hadnt start business and this time they rest on every tuesday
fine. we still have friday. =)
and thats not the point. erm, so as usual, we gathered up and exchange gossips
considering im always behind updates, i only listen and get shocked

it can get real complicated when mankind mixed up huh
im really one blessed kid, or could be that my suffered had passed?
well sometimes when my mind is so empty, i try thinking back to the dark days i used to had
(dark days sound so harrypotter, and yes, they are my voldermort)
and then i'll flip back my QuietlyFantastic for the memories

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and yes of course I'll compare here and there
from whom I used to be, and me now at this partiucular moment
maybe we all started off worng, as a wrong person
i mean I was wrong, and they were too
then we drifted away, and when we turn back, its all others fault
thats human huh, never blame on our own..the self-review threat

and then i was updated with gossips bout other classes
there's a class where it just give you a feeling like they're all mentally in a war
like pressuring each other, gossips, boy-court or whatever
this often reminds me of my diploma classes
where i took it as my worst class ever
its like when you step into the class, you feel like leaving
thats bad, it cannot get anymore worse than you just cant stay in a place anymore yet you have to
the door is there, but leaving aint about walking out of it
we still have a coming back behind every leaving

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How true!

i can never get enough of this huh
someone told me bout her friend having a suicide intention
though we all know those who mumble bout suicide will never do
but its interesting huh
i dont know that person, but im really interested in this
i keep on telling how interested i am over that person's "characteristics"
c'mon, we dont get to know this kind of story ... and im like SO INTERESTED

suicide. i even imagining one day we will be on a high scrappers or something
and that person is gonna jump and we're like shouting.
"NO!PLEASE DONT!THINK BOUT YOUR FAMILY!!!"
thats cool. oh and this is the case for the facebook suicider. i forget his name. *sorry, and RIP.

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pause it here
i can mutter all day long or even my whole life
but i have assignments to attend to

and im skipping tax class tomorrow.
aloha audit.

i hate tests.
(not like i reading, but i hate it when somebody requires me to read something)

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*I never stop telling myself this:
"leekahinn, get by. You will be who you wanna be, someone not disappointing anyone who love you and also, loved by you yourself. Just live on, get by, have feelings, create memories, and wait for the day to come. Things didnt turn out for you the way soap drama did, but its alright, life is very much heavier than a fake story. QuietlyFantastic, your destiny"

I want a happy smile every morning, and a satisfying smile every night
Love, assignment doer.

I have a life, assignment aint that no life. its part of my wonderful life
in life we have give and take. this maybe a give but i'll make sure i take as well

night's falling. Im out of here, back to my assignments, tests, LIFE.
-kahinnlee logging out-
-she never left, its just a shift of attention-
-becaus she's addicted and just cant get enough-
SHE JUST CANT GET ENOUGH

Monday 13 June 2011

朋友說過
“中五的時候 你會跟班上的人特別好”

是啊 因為對於即將逝去的一切 我們都會拼命想抓住點什麼
什麼都好 就圖個燦爛的句點

我們一直都用力的繽紛着我們的故事
我實在很好奇再過幾年的大家會是什麼樣子的
有人嚷著要減肥
有人被起哄結婚
有人被詛咒分手
有人被訝異改變
有人什麼都沒變
有人 被忽略了

613 就這樣我們4年了

四年前 四年後
想當初你天真時我亦傻
四年前 四年後
看當下你遙遠時我亦忙

生活就是這樣 把我們毫無預警的湊在一塊兒
卻靜悄悄地舖好了錯開的路

偶爾我停下來看大家走自己的路
有人回頭和我打招呼
有人不再當我是一回事
有人 就這麼消失了

友情 是什麼?
這麼多年了我依舊不曉得
只知道大家好久都不曾“都在”
都太忙 都太忙
學校 家裡 男朋友 女朋友 自己 別的朋友

也許我不是在惋惜 我只是
在嘗試找回613之於我的那一份情感
畢竟是我最生動的一段友情
現在的知己好友多半也是那個時候累積的

現在聚在一起 大家都不再去奢望所謂全員到期
只要你還活著 facebook會告訴我們你怎麼了
至少 如果我們還有興趣的話

其實你又何嘗不知道我最近怎麼了
facebook把大家訓練成挖掘秘密的能手
不需要CIA情報局的特種訓練
我們三兩下就查得出自己好奇的八卦

歲月啊

回頭細數 我們都畢業了5個年頭那麼久
曾經我們煩著成績單 曾經我們興奮著食物
曾經我們快樂著上課睡覺 曾經我們天天在一起

現在看來 當初天般大的煩惱也就剩寥寥的幾頁考卷
所謂天價的食物現在也屢嘗不鮮
所謂的睡眠不足也不再是問題 只剩下每天睡到忘記上課的自己
這居然覺得孤單了 結果還是把壞習慣改了
當初大家浩浩蕩蕩的睡覺 當一切只剩下自己
反而沒那個心思 每天再累還是按時把自己從被子裡拖出來
乖乖的上學去 也不曾納悶為何沒有人陪會這麼大改變

是啊 政府讓我們一星期五天都要相處
說再見 和不說再見是沒有差別的
反觀現在 說了再見卻還是會望著朋友的車子離開
說了再見有時卻硬是站在路旁聊了大半夜
說了再見馬上回家facebook又加上好想念

我曾經納悶 究竟我們的友情是否真那麼深不見底
抑或我們只是把彼此當作一份情感的歸屬
當作17歲的自己送給未來的禮物


別傻了 我並不在意那個答案
這歲月像放出來的臭屁一樣抓不住
而且瞬間消失 留下滿房的惡臭 和來不及反應的我們

我只知道 當我傷心了 我有電話可以打
當我活膩了 我有朋友可以混
當我開心了 我有對象可以炫耀
當我羨慕了 我有他們可以傾訴

姑不論這一份613的情感的真實性
我願意好好珍惜

當我老了 我的孩子抽出一張照片
我卻剩簡單的一句“失去聯絡 忘記了”

這樣的一刻 我希望永遠不要發生
請讓我愛的朋友們一直好好的
一直到我們一起老去
彼此看著過去的照片 聊著以往的種種
你笑我白痴 我笑你好丟臉

一直到那樣的時候
我希望我還是記得 我曾經 這麼愛著我的朋友們




然後我不知道什麼時候把原本的照片搞丟了


天若有情天亦老
人若有情人不老

613,象徵了我對於友情的認知

緣分像針線 而我們充其量是不一樣的布花色罷了
每個人平平淡淡的人生撞擊在一起
即使腫了個滿頭包 我們還是樂此不疲 那麼的樂此不疲
也許是不知好歹 也許是不甚懂事
但這一切是絢爛的 像一抹雙彩虹
那麼獨特 卻只限量於有緣人

好久不見了
我親愛的朋友們
我們都這樣繼續熱烈的活著吧

Sunday 12 June 2011

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三毛 说: 

 不知什么时候开始,我已经沉醉在那个世界里不能自拔,

虽然我害怕,我矛盾。但我却说不出对那种快感的依恋。

夜以继日的,我逃避,我也寻找,

我知道,我已经和它溶为一体了。 












如果九把刀的書能夠給我莫名的熱血衝勁
三毛的書則像極了符咒
讓我動彈不得
而這一切 我想 是因為 我們都有那一股執著的渴望

Friday 10 June 2011

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its weekend and i dont quite like it
weekend means assignments and presentations piled up
i even wonder why they call weekend a public HOLIDAY
now seriously
you people gave us homework and say,
well its your holiday, use it well.
EXCUSE ME
this is discrimination
this is exploitation
you go out with your family
to good food
to good movies
to good enjoyment
and we all got stuck in front of the computer and papers
figuring out some questions you already have the answer?

this is college huh
They dont teach you how to survive
they flood you and expect you to survive
if you do, its because they implemented a PRACTICAL over theory method
if you dont, its because you're not determined enough

BLUFF!

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The assignments are weirdly drawn
They expect you to be as knowledgeable as a genius
forgetting you're just a humble student

and when you show your tired face in class
they ask you "owh why porr chap" with all sort of pityness on their face
oh ya you wanna know why lemme get things straight for you

Im expected to be a tax agent, an auditor, an SURE-SUCCESS entrepreneur, a religious-person and a PROFESSIONAL financial analyst at the same time
try talk to me bout multi-tasking

i have so many identity that i just forget who i am

and then your lecturer starts smiling and say, 
"this is for you to learn time-management. stop having too much fun"

LIKE OMG

excuse me, having is part of my life, study is part of my life
both this is equally important

i absolutely DONT THING that hanging out with friend is a waste of time.
its like assignment where you just have to do it or you will die

Everyone around you will be like:
"STUDY, why are you still fooling around?! you have no time!"

NO ...HELL NO! i wont sacrifice fun because of study
a good time management isnt about finishing everything on time
it is in fact, about having everything in order that you dont feel even a bit of rush

so next time, if you're going for the time management point
better dont tell the work and play later theory

a real well-managed time plan,
should be the one where the person have crazy lots of fun 
and yet he still enjoy working

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and if you still dont know whats life-enjoyer way
WATCH ME

im gonna do this and then i will enjoy every single bit of the days
i will work my ass off and when im old like 80 or 90
Kids will bug me for stories because i have a fantastic life
a life that have all genre of stories
where i will then die slowly
with beautiful stories left for those who think they cant make it through

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Thursday 9 June 2011

人生若只如初見 你天真時我亦傻


我撇下三毛 讀完了另外一本小說 我幾乎不曾到圖書館去借小說吧 圖書館給人一種莊嚴的感覺 不是嗎 我都只借過很嚴肅乏味的參考書 那種厚厚的 適合枕著入眠的 或者是紙質特別好的 然後這些書都有一種書香味 對嘛 不用書香世家 你只要住在圖書館就行了

我讀的是《貧民窟百萬富翁》,然後原來和電影演的根本就不是一回事。想當然小說版的一定比較充實,只有基本的故事根基是一樣的,其他一律,大相徑庭。然後很好看,而且在課堂念著念著也就笑出來 也被感動到一個不行 還有打從心底的無奈

然後我就是要談無奈 讀小說可以切身感覺那一份無奈 那一種“我就是處在這麼一個環境中你以為我想啊”的無奈 每每在課堂偷偷看小說 偶爾抬頭瞄到自己桌上亂七八糟的筆記 和一無所有的講義 無奈就會像鬼霧般籠罩我

是啊 真的很累 和講師提起也是 她說也就這一年 一年就結束了 然後朋友說沒有 結束後我們還是有正式考試 然後就是無止無盡的audit junior。這個時候總會想起《樓下的房客》裡穎如的至理名言: 
 「一個人的人生如果跟其他大部分的人一樣,那就是一種周而復始。 每個人都在重複另一個人的人生,重複著上學、重複著交朋友、 重複著買車買房子、重複著結婚生子、重複著變成其他上億個差不多 的人生,連笑都重複了,連哭都重複了, 你覺得這不是一種周而復始嗎?」穎如的笑容底下的氣味越來越腐敗

無論你向任何一個人抱怨,得到的回應大多是“這就是人生”“人生就是不停的戰鬥“之類的吧。有的時候,我甚至懷疑旅遊節目裡鄉下怡然自得的風光不過是攝影棚的一個小角落,一切都是虛偽的。當我遠遠望著其他力爭上游的同學,自己果真天真的可以。

我是被旅遊節目教壞的小孩。我奉行先吃喝玩樂之樂樂,後遊山玩水之遊而遊。旅遊節目,沒有提起的,是錢從哪裡來。剛剛打電話給爸爸,讓他伴著壞消息下晚餐真是歹勢了。

在學院總是被說我是一個被寵壞的孩子。不愁吃喝,不愁玩樂,不愁錢從哪裡來。屋友們都覺得我是個無憂無慮的人,有的時候我自己也懷疑究竟我是不是誠如他們所見一般無憂無慮,一切不過是我想太多。

我想是他們混淆了什麼是無憂無慮吧?無憂無慮是六根清淨,是自命逍遙。我,層次未到。我只是吃到好東西時多開心一點,興奮的時候盡力一點。我自認人生沒有什麼大起大落,一切就如溫室裡的小花一樣循規蹈矩的前進。所以我總是揮霍自己的情緒。所以我很容易笑到瘋癲,也很容易哭到可以傳電,反正不用白不用,我可不希望自己以後回頭只剩淺淺的腳印,那上面應該要有一些零零落落的記憶。

《貧民窟的百萬富翁》裡頭有一句話,是一個妓女說的。說那裡有一個地方的文化就是一個家庭總得有一個女兒出來賣身養家,男兒們就是四處喝酒玩樂。主人公問她難道不曾擔心愛滋嗎?她笑著說,“誒 怕又如何 這一份工作養活我的家人 讓我每個星期五去看電影 我寧願明天病死 也不想要今天餓死”

嗯 我讀了 我沉默了一下 朋友詫異我為什麼這麼快就把那本小說啃完了 除了很好看 就是因為這幾天的課實在無聊 還有 我好久沒有這麼熱衷一本小說了 這一種感覺 一整個就是當初第一本九把刀的時候 願意不眠不休的收集 再三閱讀的 熱情啊!

所以我說我一定要去買這本書

然後就是三毛 被撇下不是因為不好看 是因為 不想那麼快看完 就像小時候會把吃一半的棒棒糖緊緊含住 或者 把很好吃的糖果藏在舌頭底下 以為這樣可以吃比較久 我都不知道下一本三毛要等什麼時候了 但不要強求啦 一切可以慢慢來 這樣比較快啊

我真的是一個被九把刀深深影響的人吧 偶爾看到照片 都還很難接受自己真的見過其真人 呵

現在的三毛都是荷西 可是讀著的我 卻已經知道荷西終將離去 三毛流星一般的人生 正悄悄的開始 心裡頭懸著的 還是那一份無奈 寫著故事的三毛不知道自己命運為何 荷西更不知道自己將撇下一切先行離開

而我們 卻讀著別人的故事 流自己的淚水 然後發誓以後也要這樣至死不渝的愛情 也許我們都知道千年歌頌的代價就是悲劇收場 但飛蛾撲火 不也是一種燦爛

偶爾我想 我還會這樣斷斷續續的寫部落格到什麼時候呢
我想知道好多年後的我 會否抽一天的假期 好好的回味這裡的一字一句 想起曾經的那些小時光 那些微美麗

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也許部落格也是無法切割的我 也已經養成了愛在這裡自我對話
但願 這是一個好的興趣 就算這最後逃不過無疾而終
透過部落格看過去 一切恍如一場夢 那麼的仔細 那麼的戲劇性 我的人生 我的生活 我的故事

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隔著眼淚看世界 整個世界都在哭


也只能給自己定期清理那些負面的情緒 才能夠抬頭挺胸 每一天都歸零重新 如此周而復始 學著不言累 學著不抱怨 學著安靜的活著

像野草一樣 冒著被吃掉的危險 做日光浴

Tuesday 7 June 2011

我去吃了讓身心靈都非常滿足的午餐 一邊聊著我們自己
她說壓力的時候真的需要好好講一講,還說,說的出來的委屈,就不是委屈。嗯,我很贊成,雙腳都抬起來給她贊成。

一回來就整個很興奮的要寫東西 所以迫不及待的戴上耳機 點崔健汪峰許巍鄭鈞 曾經一首怒放的生命整個把我搖醒 然後花房姑娘教我何謂流浪 再來像風一樣自由讓我灑脫 還有旅行讓我沉澱

其實這一篇文章主要是我真的受夠了學院裡面那些惺惺作態的人 沒有這個必要啊!大家都只是同學 你大可以不把我當朋友 我對校園版宮心計一點興趣都沒有 別把全世界都牽扯進你幼稚骯髒的遊戲裡

有些人喜歡利用別人 其實你們才可憐 又不是在下棋 卻把全世界當成棋子耍 你真當大家都是白痴嗎 好吧 你很強 當大家還好傻好天真的時候 你已經懂得何謂心理戰術 懂得如何踩著別人的頭往上爬 懂得以打壓別人來顯示自己的強大

我呸

有的時候覺得勾心鬥角的人很多時間 我都快不夠時間吃飯睡覺了 他們哪裡來的時間去設計那些心理陷阱啊?古人說的好,時間果真像乳溝,擠一擠還是有的!

之前一直在想 電視機裡的辦公室政治是否真有其事 還真的有 不然我身邊這群長大了幹啥去? 我告訴你 我要是認真起來 我自己都會怕!若干年以後 我會很成功 然後如果我被邀請到學院去演講 我會給你們這種人渣重重一擊! 你們這些虛偽的人造廢料

別惹我  這才不是一個現實的社會 不要肖想拿現實的殘酷來掩飾你沒人性的自私 我告訴你 你會活得很好 好的可能連我都很羨慕 可是 未來的某一天 你才發現你沒有什麼共患難的朋友 因為每一次的患難 你都力求自保 不曾去為身邊的朋友設想 而我們就不痛了 我們會有很多聚會 在每一個地方我們都有留下一點回憶和友情 你的沒人性讓你獨來獨往 這也許正中你的下懷 你認為你一個人就好了 你就這輩子都一個人吧 當我們酣暢淋漓的搏鬥 我們收集到一起戰鬥的熱血 一起勝利的感動 一起撐到最後的毅力 而你什麼都沒有

耳朵給我扒開了聽清楚! 他媽的!你繼續玩你的幼稚 有一天 會有那麼一件事 讓你發現 當你身陷險境 我們可能會去救你 但我們不會給你什麼 我們會像撿起地上的垃圾一樣 拯救你 然後我不需要你回報我 我會讓你欠我一個人情 甚至很多很多人情 然後下輩子 給我做牛做馬

我鄙視你
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昨晚和朋友跑去看海了 在一個伸手不見黑夜的五指 我們和沙一起躺著 我們還是聊了好多 比如好笑的 很好笑的 非常好笑的 太好笑了!

躺在海灘看星星 會讓人意識到自己的渺小 覺得自己似乎懸浮在一個完全黑暗的地方 所以心裡會慢慢靜下來 原本亂七八糟的心情 常常會被亂中有序的海浪聲催眠 一切是那麼的有規律 有些人總說他們習慣到海邊想東西 也許 他們只是需要一些外在的東西 強制性的讓自己平靜下來


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