医生说要把长歪的指甲剪掉
要打麻醉针,一只针，可是要分成四次
我听了倒抽一口气
爸爸连声说好，然后转身跟我说
“不要怕，怕就抓着我的手”
爸爸的手有厚厚的茧，却透着最温暖的温度
那是我的爸爸
花很多钱来美国，省吃俭用的爸爸总是让我不要乱花钱
可是每次视讯，爸爸永远不会忘记说
“不要工作得太累，不要老是吃快餐，多花点钱吃点健康新鲜的”
那是我的爸爸
总是念叨着我很爱花钱
可是比谁都紧张我的银行户口缺了钱
那是我的爸爸
来自爸爸的关爱，就像爸爸的手
粗糙，却相对的无比温暖
The story goes this way:
Tuesday, 26 February 2013
爸爸
医生说要把长歪的指甲剪掉
要打麻醉针,一只针，可是要分成四次
我听了倒抽一口气
爸爸连声说好，然后转身跟我说
“不要怕，怕就抓着我的手”
爸爸的手有厚厚的茧，却透着最温暖的温度
那是我的爸爸
花很多钱来美国，省吃俭用的爸爸总是让我不要乱花钱
可是每次视讯，爸爸永远不会忘记说
“不要工作得太累，不要老是吃快餐，多花点钱吃点健康新鲜的”
那是我的爸爸
总是念叨着我很爱花钱
可是比谁都紧张我的银行户口缺了钱
那是我的爸爸
来自爸爸的关爱，就像爸爸的手
粗糙，却相对的无比温暖
Friday, 22 February 2013
答案
我看过的那些关于“春光乍泄”的影评中
有好些都提到这部片子是王家卫对1997年香港回归这件事情的思考
那年，他拉大队到地球的另一端去拍摄
把大家都困在那里，遥遥无期的等着回家的日子
在世界的另一边看着自己的家出现历史性的改变
而我呢
从小就梦想着自己也要一个人背着行囊拖着长长的思绪走入陌生
但是在没想过一切开始的那么快，那么迅雷不及掩耳
风风火火的跟爸爸妈妈要求参加打工旅游
噼里啪啦的准备着签证还要一边应付考试
日期排得很紧凑，星期五考完试，星期六就下吉隆坡，星期日飞
连行李我都是星期五晚上才打包，装箱
星期五考完试的时候我跟同学们去吃了汉堡
大家都说我怎么那么赶，怎么不延后一点
其实我也不知道，那个时候就只是很想离开
很想离开那个让我过于舒适，过于熟悉的地方
也有可能，是真的送别他人太多次，
自己真的很想知道拖着行囊拉长背影的滋味
所以，我，就这样踏上月台，从此一个人走
在一个全然陌生的地方，跟初识的人们生活着
过了圣诞，过了新年，过了农历新年
在很遥远的地方，跟别人说着自己家乡的故事
在很遥远的地方，听家人说着农历新年多么热闹
在很遥远的地方，看好朋友们聊着那里见面
远得，好像事不关己
远得，好像我从来不知道那种热闹的滋味
自己一个人在街上溜达
跟一样绕过半个地球独在异乡的室友们去旅行
却就是觉得少了点什么
默契吧
很多地方，我都有那么瞬间希望亲菇们可以在我身边
当我千辛万苦跟他们解释我要的照片的时候
我怀念亲菇他们的心照不宣
当我看着那些宏伟的建筑物的时候
我思念亲菇们总是跟我有着一样的旅行者思绪
当我快迷路觉得很无助的时候
我想念爸爸妈妈总是一副很淡定的把我带在身边的样子
当我吃着那些千篇一律的快餐
我挂念阿嬤费尽心思煮好的那些热腾腾的每一餐
我突然好像明白了我寻找已久的，旅行的意义
因为在不一样的地方，所以可以用不一样的角度去看自己的家，自己的原本
我到了那么远的地方，除去一切
不是一个女儿，不是一个妹妹，不是一个学生，不是一个朋友，什么都不是
我才能够以一个全然新的角度去审视我自己拥有的那一切
也去审视，我究竟是怎么样的一种存在
就好象我原本的生活是电视剧，而我现在终于可以坐在电视机前好好的看一遍
我之前心情很低落，处于一种极度的迷惘
迷惘的不知道自己在迷惘什么
我一直都知道自己在寻找一个答案，
一个没有问题的答案
而在那一段心情低落的日子里，
那一段极度迷惘的日子里，
即使我哭的筋疲力尽
但我骨子里却硬是知道
只要走过这段日子，答案就出现了
亲菇们说我一定要快乐起来
我说我一定会，我一直都觉得那一段日子就是黎明前最黑暗的时刻
我不也说不上来原因
但我就是知道答案不远了
而这一个凌晨，我睡得迷迷糊糊中突然被刚回家的室友吵醒
然后就一直睡不着，乃至于爬起来敲点文字
嗯，然后就这样一个恍惚的早晨
我突然豁然开朗了
这是好几个星期以来，我第一次享受早晨的慢灵魂
第一次，我看着窗外的天空由暗转明
而我自己心里的郁闷，不知道在哪一瞬间就全消失了
留下一心房的阳光
看过“摄氏零度：春光再现”
所以我一直很平淡的对待自己心里想家的因子
但是真的好像明白了一种感觉
一种从来不曾有过的明白
我找到了我要的答案，我那一个没有问题的答案
有了答案，才有了问题
问曰：我怀念的那一些过去，之于现在，究竟是如何的一种存在？
答曰：我怀念的那一些过去，之于现在，是一种不可磨灭的存在。每一段过去都会被岁月焚化剩下思念的碎片。我曾经抱着那一些碎片傻傻的怀念，乃至于生活完全无法前进，因为实在不想自己所珍惜的现在被时间碾碎成回忆的模糊。我跟上天要来的这堂关于孤单的人生功课却让我发现，原来被时间推着往前的人不只是我，而是每一个人都一样。如果我选择留在过去，我将无法参与其他人的现在。终于，我学会了对回忆的割舍。
我找到，答案，了。
似水流年的时光小河中，流淌而过的是生活的点点滴滴
有好些都提到这部片子是王家卫对1997年香港回归这件事情的思考
那年，他拉大队到地球的另一端去拍摄
把大家都困在那里，遥遥无期的等着回家的日子
在世界的另一边看着自己的家出现历史性的改变
而我呢
从小就梦想着自己也要一个人背着行囊拖着长长的思绪走入陌生
但是在没想过一切开始的那么快，那么迅雷不及掩耳
风风火火的跟爸爸妈妈要求参加打工旅游
噼里啪啦的准备着签证还要一边应付考试
日期排得很紧凑，星期五考完试，星期六就下吉隆坡，星期日飞
连行李我都是星期五晚上才打包，装箱
星期五考完试的时候我跟同学们去吃了汉堡
大家都说我怎么那么赶，怎么不延后一点
其实我也不知道，那个时候就只是很想离开
很想离开那个让我过于舒适，过于熟悉的地方
也有可能，是真的送别他人太多次，
自己真的很想知道拖着行囊拉长背影的滋味
所以，我，就这样踏上月台，从此一个人走
在一个全然陌生的地方，跟初识的人们生活着
过了圣诞，过了新年，过了农历新年
在很遥远的地方，跟别人说着自己家乡的故事
在很遥远的地方，听家人说着农历新年多么热闹
在很遥远的地方，看好朋友们聊着那里见面
远得，好像事不关己
远得，好像我从来不知道那种热闹的滋味
自己一个人在街上溜达
跟一样绕过半个地球独在异乡的室友们去旅行
却就是觉得少了点什么
默契吧
很多地方，我都有那么瞬间希望亲菇们可以在我身边
当我千辛万苦跟他们解释我要的照片的时候
我怀念亲菇他们的心照不宣
当我看着那些宏伟的建筑物的时候
我思念亲菇们总是跟我有着一样的旅行者思绪
当我快迷路觉得很无助的时候
我想念爸爸妈妈总是一副很淡定的把我带在身边的样子
当我吃着那些千篇一律的快餐
我挂念阿嬤费尽心思煮好的那些热腾腾的每一餐
我突然好像明白了我寻找已久的，旅行的意义
因为在不一样的地方，所以可以用不一样的角度去看自己的家，自己的原本
我到了那么远的地方，除去一切
不是一个女儿，不是一个妹妹，不是一个学生，不是一个朋友，什么都不是
我才能够以一个全然新的角度去审视我自己拥有的那一切
也去审视，我究竟是怎么样的一种存在
就好象我原本的生活是电视剧，而我现在终于可以坐在电视机前好好的看一遍
而实在也真的是很久，很久没有自己坐下来好好的沉淀
一月中旬开始工作时数就在悄悄的往上爬，慢慢的再也没有数着日出日落的时间
每天盲目的追着下一班的工作时间，
下班回家就迷迷糊糊的倒在床上，出门上班也不确定自己什么时候回得来
那个时候，正值农历新年
一个人孤孤单单的走在每一个上班和回家的路上
除夕夜不顾一切的说我一定要回家视讯，跟家人至少聊个两句、
其实只是觉得自己一个人很累，很想听听熟悉的声音
很想听听那些熟悉的人，熟悉的问候，熟悉的语言
在这里每天来来去去说着听着英文，有时真的会想家
真的想彻彻底底的说自己习惯的语言
用自己最真切的语句，聊聊最近的自己
那个时候，觉得自己想被风吹得东歪西倒的杂草
每天摇摆不定浑浑噩噩的过日子
每天脑子里都一天混乱，似乎塞满东西，却也像空空如也
每天靠着单纯的食物撑着，整个人的内在是空虚，是不存在的
我不知道我有什么情绪，我不知道我有什么思绪
每天呆望着天空等着什么指示
我做过很多梦，但没想过一切开始的那么早
也许我还是有一点措手不及，也许我还是有一点不可置信
但我得到的，是很空虚的自己
因为工作得很累，因为实在受不了某些事情
一整个人就是一团混乱
不知道自己是在追求还是在逃避，还是在躲开
有好几次，因为眼睛太干而开始流眼泪
流着流着就哭了起来
哭着看镜子里的自己，蓄着长头发，凌乱的随意扎着
穿着肮脏的制服，一脸狼狈的哽咽
一个人哭倒在宿舍的浴室里
看着手上那些大大小小的伤口
我真的哭了，哭的一发不可收拾，哭的天崩地裂
可，我却从来没有问过自己这一切是否值得
来打工旅游，我知道自己的想要找一个答案
一个连问题也没有的答案
我只是想哭，只是心里憋着太多太多想尽情的掏空
也是因为真的开始去发现很多新的观望人生的角度
而开始重组我自己，要把原本的自己拆掉重建
这是我跟上天“乔”出来的关于“孤单”的人生功课
我说好我要学会一个人好好的，活
这些低落的情绪，我不敢跟家里说
怕家人担心，更怕他们只能无助的担心
我只跟青菇们说，我跟他们乱七八糟的说着
我也不明白自己在说什么
只觉得两个人一直叫我要振作起来，要开心起来
我之前心情很低落，处于一种极度的迷惘
迷惘的不知道自己在迷惘什么
我一直都知道自己在寻找一个答案，
一个没有问题的答案
而在那一段心情低落的日子里，
那一段极度迷惘的日子里，
即使我哭的筋疲力尽
但我骨子里却硬是知道
只要走过这段日子，答案就出现了
亲菇们说我一定要快乐起来
我说我一定会，我一直都觉得那一段日子就是黎明前最黑暗的时刻
我不也说不上来原因
但我就是知道答案不远了
而这一个凌晨，我睡得迷迷糊糊中突然被刚回家的室友吵醒
然后就一直睡不着，乃至于爬起来敲点文字
嗯，然后就这样一个恍惚的早晨
我突然豁然开朗了
这是好几个星期以来，我第一次享受早晨的慢灵魂
第一次，我看着窗外的天空由暗转明
而我自己心里的郁闷，不知道在哪一瞬间就全消失了
留下一心房的阳光
看过“摄氏零度：春光再现”
所以我一直很平淡的对待自己心里想家的因子
但是真的好像明白了一种感觉
一种从来不曾有过的明白
我找到了我要的答案，我那一个没有问题的答案
有了答案，才有了问题
问曰：我怀念的那一些过去，之于现在，究竟是如何的一种存在？
答曰：我怀念的那一些过去，之于现在，是一种不可磨灭的存在。每一段过去都会被岁月焚化剩下思念的碎片。我曾经抱着那一些碎片傻傻的怀念，乃至于生活完全无法前进，因为实在不想自己所珍惜的现在被时间碾碎成回忆的模糊。我跟上天要来的这堂关于孤单的人生功课却让我发现，原来被时间推着往前的人不只是我，而是每一个人都一样。如果我选择留在过去，我将无法参与其他人的现在。终于，我学会了对回忆的割舍。
我找到，答案，了。
似水流年的时光小河中，流淌而过的是生活的点点滴滴
Monday, 18 February 2013
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
Wednesday, 6 February 2013
"The blue suede shoes day"
so I worked like that for the pass 2 days
1am-6am, then again on 3pm-7pm
and then again 11pm-3pm the next day
Because Nate quit
It was one of those nights, where we run out of everything in the store again
It reaches the point where we have less than 20 bun and have very limited and twisted menu
Some customer find it funny, cause we serve sandwich in rather creative way
Some.........well, let's just they don't appreciate the twist of surprise element
It wasn't my shift that night, but FeiZai ask me to go on 11pm still cause he wasn't sure if its gonna get busy
I end up going home because since we're out of stuffs,
it kinda means we have nothing to sell which minimize the possibility to get busy.
but then he call in again on 1am...
He says Nate quit on him
well, all the while, i thought Nate is a nice person
He taught me lotsa stuffs, teamwork our orders, let me choose the kind of job I want, and belanja me a caramel frappe.....
so i thought whatever that piss him off should be pretty bad
because FeiZai says they were having quite some orders at one point of the night,
where Nate just go, "fuck this shit Im outta here"
Deep down, I am still very curious of what have actually happen
and I really wish I have witness his "pissed-off" look
I hardly see nice people piss off.....ishh! miss jor!
He was once being threw something by the customer
and he didn't say any thing
that's what FeiZai told me
but then as soon as I am taking the orders,
it kinda piss me off a lil' bit too, which I began to understand why he is pissed until like that,
because we don't have nothing, and some customers are like, "WTF!YOU ARE MCDONALD!!!!"
hello, you think mcdonald is hogwarts is it?
need stuffs just point and utter random words then can get d?
siao 1.
Many says, "we should get a discount for that!"
hello, it actually double my work for the whole process because i have to run back and forth to make sure the availability of the food for each order leh, i also don't have double pay
how on earth you get discount?
in chinese, i would say, PIN SOMOK？!
i think I did mention quite some time asking FeiZai to close the store....
basically I'm bugging him to
like, "we have nothing!!!!!!!!!! just close the damn storeeee!!!!"
"I'm taking this one last order, and I'm gonna tell them we're out. I DON'T CARE!"
so then FeiZai called Luis which as per we expect, he didn't pick up.
and then SeiFeiZai called Janice, the bitch.
the bitch says no...she says sell whatever we have....
well, technically, we have like 26 bagel, no sausage/chicken patties, mcgriddles, cheese, french fries and soda......
sell your head la sell
so clever you sell la!
so FeiZai end up also don't care, he close the front counter,
leaving only drive thru....better than nothing
and the bitch always come in around 5-6 the next morning...
I begged FeiZai to let me leave before she comes...
God knows she is gonna make me sweep and mop again and again and....cari pasal.
FeiZai at first says I can only leave after I cleaned everything
but then he suddenly found his humanity and says, "okay...you can go."
WHOA! so hong hiam, and at the very moment, I saw the bitch's car pulling up beside the store
I went all kelam kabut punching out and ask FeiZai to make me a plain mcgriddle with cheese
then I flew to the back to get my coat and basically flew out the store right pass the bitch
She was like, "WHY IS SHE LEAVING?"
I don't care, I left it to FeiZai with a very "you-know-what-to-do" face
She can blow up the store also I don't really care la, just.....I AM OUTTA HERE!
haha, this is actually quite a night. I really wanna remember it.
thereby I write it down. What fun huh!
the next shift was 3pm-7pm which by right should end at 11pm
Amanda be the manager.....she put me on first window....
but actually quite slow, so ok la
then they asked me if I wanna help out on midnight as it was supposed to be Nate's shift
well, I personally took Nate as a friend and I feel the obligation to 收拾他的烂摊子
like how he used to help me to get my orders out
so yes i said!
Amanda sent me home at 7, says get some sleep and be back at 11pm..
4 hours, minus i walk home and walk here, and eat dinner, i left like 2-3 hours sleep
MANA ENOUGH YOU TELL ME?!
so I stayed up, solving some mathematics stuffs and busy searching for songs that can keep me awake..
(I end up with Elvis Presley's Blue suede shoes...in case if you're curious)
then go back to the store and its Basma's shift
(i first time clean frappe machine, clean mccafe machine...not entirely, but partly I also very happy. thank you)
it was supposed to be superbowl night, so I guess everyone is drunk through watching the game,
the business is surprisingly slow!
the next morning 7am, Saly came in
She says hi, and shockingly says, "KAHINN YOU WORK NOW!"
I say, "yes!!! please please please don't put me on first window!I might make mistake!!!"
she look and me and say, "you are crazy kahinn....you are crazy!!! you are gonna be working for 24 hours!!!"
Kind-heartedly, she put me on front counter..
JUST WHAT I WOULD LIKE!!!
thank you saly!
so then I happily stay in the front counter
I would say that I really feel the "dryness" in my eyes
probably because its really too heavily used..
at the end of that final shifts, i was still really hyper!
I was a runner + COD2, working with yimeng mainly
and I keep singing that "ONE FOR THE MONEY! TWO FOR THE SHOW! THREE TO GET READY! NOW GO CAT GO BUT DONT YOUUUUUUU STEP ON MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES!!!!"
The housemates are like, "oh my gawd......"
when I was punching out, I happily greeted Saly on the first window and says,
"HEY! GUESS WHO BROKER HER RECORD OF THE TIME OF HAVING HER BRAIN FULL FUNCTIONING? ME!!!!!!! ITS BEEN WORKING FOR THE PAST 24 HOURS! WOOOOHOOO!"
and.....saly with her usual-calm-tone says...."kahinn, are you ok?"
ahahahahaha! and i took 2 salad with me on my way home!
woohooo!!!
just one day I would like to remember, and smile back to
I do believe you don't have to be talented in anything,
its always what you do that counts, not what you could or may
ITS WHAT YOU DO!!!
nike, YOU GOT IT!
1am-6am, then again on 3pm-7pm
and then again 11pm-3pm the next day
Because Nate quit
It was one of those nights, where we run out of everything in the store again
It reaches the point where we have less than 20 bun and have very limited and twisted menu
Some customer find it funny, cause we serve sandwich in rather creative way
Some.........well, let's just they don't appreciate the twist of surprise element
It wasn't my shift that night, but FeiZai ask me to go on 11pm still cause he wasn't sure if its gonna get busy
I end up going home because since we're out of stuffs,
it kinda means we have nothing to sell which minimize the possibility to get busy.
but then he call in again on 1am...
He says Nate quit on him
well, all the while, i thought Nate is a nice person
He taught me lotsa stuffs, teamwork our orders, let me choose the kind of job I want, and belanja me a caramel frappe.....
so i thought whatever that piss him off should be pretty bad
because FeiZai says they were having quite some orders at one point of the night,
where Nate just go, "fuck this shit Im outta here"
Deep down, I am still very curious of what have actually happen
and I really wish I have witness his "pissed-off" look
I hardly see nice people piss off.....ishh! miss jor!
He was once being threw something by the customer
and he didn't say any thing
that's what FeiZai told me
but then as soon as I am taking the orders,
it kinda piss me off a lil' bit too, which I began to understand why he is pissed until like that,
because we don't have nothing, and some customers are like, "WTF!YOU ARE MCDONALD!!!!"
hello, you think mcdonald is hogwarts is it?
need stuffs just point and utter random words then can get d?
siao 1.
Many says, "we should get a discount for that!"
hello, it actually double my work for the whole process because i have to run back and forth to make sure the availability of the food for each order leh, i also don't have double pay
how on earth you get discount?
in chinese, i would say, PIN SOMOK？!
i think I did mention quite some time asking FeiZai to close the store....
basically I'm bugging him to
like, "we have nothing!!!!!!!!!! just close the damn storeeee!!!!"
"I'm taking this one last order, and I'm gonna tell them we're out. I DON'T CARE!"
so then FeiZai called Luis which as per we expect, he didn't pick up.
and then SeiFeiZai called Janice, the bitch.
the bitch says no...she says sell whatever we have....
well, technically, we have like 26 bagel, no sausage/chicken patties, mcgriddles, cheese, french fries and soda......
sell your head la sell
so clever you sell la!
so FeiZai end up also don't care, he close the front counter,
leaving only drive thru....better than nothing
and the bitch always come in around 5-6 the next morning...
I begged FeiZai to let me leave before she comes...
God knows she is gonna make me sweep and mop again and again and....cari pasal.
FeiZai at first says I can only leave after I cleaned everything
but then he suddenly found his humanity and says, "okay...you can go."
WHOA! so hong hiam, and at the very moment, I saw the bitch's car pulling up beside the store
I went all kelam kabut punching out and ask FeiZai to make me a plain mcgriddle with cheese
then I flew to the back to get my coat and basically flew out the store right pass the bitch
She was like, "WHY IS SHE LEAVING?"
I don't care, I left it to FeiZai with a very "you-know-what-to-do" face
She can blow up the store also I don't really care la, just.....I AM OUTTA HERE!
haha, this is actually quite a night. I really wanna remember it.
thereby I write it down. What fun huh!
the next shift was 3pm-7pm which by right should end at 11pm
Amanda be the manager.....she put me on first window....
but actually quite slow, so ok la
then they asked me if I wanna help out on midnight as it was supposed to be Nate's shift
well, I personally took Nate as a friend and I feel the obligation to 收拾他的烂摊子
like how he used to help me to get my orders out
so yes i said!
Amanda sent me home at 7, says get some sleep and be back at 11pm..
4 hours, minus i walk home and walk here, and eat dinner, i left like 2-3 hours sleep
MANA ENOUGH YOU TELL ME?!
so I stayed up, solving some mathematics stuffs and busy searching for songs that can keep me awake..
(I end up with Elvis Presley's Blue suede shoes...in case if you're curious)
then go back to the store and its Basma's shift
(i first time clean frappe machine, clean mccafe machine...not entirely, but partly I also very happy. thank you)
it was supposed to be superbowl night, so I guess everyone is drunk through watching the game,
the business is surprisingly slow!
the next morning 7am, Saly came in
She says hi, and shockingly says, "KAHINN YOU WORK NOW!"
I say, "yes!!! please please please don't put me on first window!I might make mistake!!!"
she look and me and say, "you are crazy kahinn....you are crazy!!! you are gonna be working for 24 hours!!!"
Kind-heartedly, she put me on front counter..
JUST WHAT I WOULD LIKE!!!
thank you saly!
so then I happily stay in the front counter
I would say that I really feel the "dryness" in my eyes
probably because its really too heavily used..
at the end of that final shifts, i was still really hyper!
I was a runner + COD2, working with yimeng mainly
and I keep singing that "ONE FOR THE MONEY! TWO FOR THE SHOW! THREE TO GET READY! NOW GO CAT GO BUT DONT YOUUUUUUU STEP ON MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES!!!!"
The housemates are like, "oh my gawd......"
when I was punching out, I happily greeted Saly on the first window and says,
"HEY! GUESS WHO BROKER HER RECORD OF THE TIME OF HAVING HER BRAIN FULL FUNCTIONING? ME!!!!!!! ITS BEEN WORKING FOR THE PAST 24 HOURS! WOOOOHOOO!"
and.....saly with her usual-calm-tone says...."kahinn, are you ok?"
ahahahahaha! and i took 2 salad with me on my way home!
woohooo!!!
just one day I would like to remember, and smile back to
I do believe you don't have to be talented in anything,
its always what you do that counts, not what you could or may
ITS WHAT YOU DO!!!
nike, YOU GOT IT!
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