for monday

hi monday. its me.

the more I swing by here, the more i realize... i have nothing to talk about

I used to be that somebody, eager to keep in record most days of my life
Some random thoughts, nostalgia, misses, or just some procrastinating would make up a whole long passage, nailed in my memory.

and I'd read my blog over and over again,
keep refreshing my memory to make sure I not forget any


but then time goes by, and I became someone, who sum everything into "Just another day"



Lonesome is really hitting me hard.


I've been going for squash, living a day all by myself...

I don't know how to tell people who I really am anymore

I spent my first few weeks of working taking others comments on how weird I am, and also to explain to others why I chose to leave everyone and everything .... just to come here, and be nothing


It's just, I'm sick of it.
Many of those days, I had to walk away from my colleagues to give myself some time...

Things are so different here, and yes, yes I know to learn the differences are exactly why I'm here

but just, despite knowing its not going to be easy,

I still wanna feel helpless, and to somehow cry for my pathetic personality...

can't I?



I just miss sitting by the beach, sipping some ice cold bear on a windy night
feeling the breeze and just..get away from the world for a second


I might need somebody, but nobody needed me
and i hate being needy

I wished I could just hug someone and cry really hard for a long long time

there is so much in me that I took in accidentally, which is too late to forget about

I need somebody who completely understand where I stand, and where I think I stand.

and the only somebody that fit this definition, is my mental-disorder-separated-other-self



I hate it I hate it I hate it

I want something to change, but I






When I was squashing, that was the best I have ever felt ever since I started working


I had the comments of me being anti-social even on the first week of my job

Am I really THAT anti-social?
personally I don't think so.

its just my topic of interest are somewhat a lil' off mainstream that's all.


Guess, its my lesson now, to live it the leekahinn way but still blend into the society way

I'm not letting the society change who I really am,
but that doesn't mean I have to be all against the society!

I still enjoy talking to some interesting people,
its just most people I have met turn out to be .... uninteresting.

well, I'll find a way.

Life will find me a way.

I'll be just fine.


I'll make one hell of a spanish speaking squash player who master Taichi.

You think I'm out of my mind?

WATCH ME.

然后我告诉自己，

我是听五月天的歌的人，

我永远，都是，听着五月天的歌，

想要用力活着的我

长假

long weekend

连着周末一共4天的公假，不写点东西我拿什么脸去面对几年后的李佳恩

其实工作的日子也就工作了
和同事之间的相处也就相处了
生活也就生活了
人生也就人生了


唉


人生就是不断地学习

我这下的新课程，就是学会去接受这个万千世界一种米养百种人的喧哗

我活在自己的泡泡里太久了

乃至于我看别人的事情总是那么的不顺眼

学会看开点，人生会轻松许多的吧


长大后，发现到改变世界并不只是坚持自我就能做到的

我看过大家说五月天向主流音乐靠拢

而现在，我开始明白，如果不向主流靠拢，你怎么说服人家呢？



我不想习惯说场面话，但我得想办法在这种环境活下去

大家都劝我，出了社会就要学会口不对心，学会说人家想听的话





我不要。






就像当初，大家劝我不要去美国
就像当初，大家劝我循规蹈矩
就像当初，大家叫我跟着规矩走








我的牛脾气，还在

我想当原原本本的李佳恩的坚持，也还在














********************************

我喜欢打壁球

站在壁球场，看着诺大的墙壁，几条红线摆划着，那么的一成不变

就像我们这个疯狂的世界，
那么的疯狂，那么的各式各样，却又那么的环环相扣，那么的牢不可破

我大力的拍打着球，努力的敲击着，寻找着一个缝隙让我神不知鬼不觉地钻进去



打壁球开球的姿势，总是燃起我想勇敢面对这个世界的念头



我常常想找个人拍下我在壁球场，准备开球的背影

那个背影，应该，和二十世纪少年他们准备去拯救世界前的那一张照片，很像吧？