hi monday. its me.
the more I swing by here, the more i realize... i have nothing to talk about
I used to be that somebody, eager to keep in record most days of my life
Some random thoughts, nostalgia, misses, or just some procrastinating would make up a whole long passage, nailed in my memory.
and I'd read my blog over and over again,
keep refreshing my memory to make sure I not forget any
but then time goes by, and I became someone, who sum everything into "Just another day"
Lonesome is really hitting me hard.
I've been going for squash, living a day all by myself...
I don't know how to tell people who I really am anymore
I spent my first few weeks of working taking others comments on how weird I am, and also to explain to others why I chose to leave everyone and everything .... just to come here, and be nothing
It's just, I'm sick of it.
Many of those days, I had to walk away from my colleagues to give myself some time...
Things are so different here, and yes, yes I know to learn the differences are exactly why I'm here
but just, despite knowing its not going to be easy,
I still wanna feel helpless, and to somehow cry for my pathetic personality...
can't I?
I just miss sitting by the beach, sipping some ice cold bear on a windy night
feeling the breeze and just..get away from the world for a second
I might need somebody, but nobody needed me
and i hate being needy
I wished I could just hug someone and cry really hard for a long long time
there is so much in me that I took in accidentally, which is too late to forget about
I need somebody who completely understand where I stand, and where I think I stand.
and the only somebody that fit this definition, is my mental-disorder-separated-other-self
I hate it I hate it I hate it
I want something to change, but I
When I was squashing, that was the best I have ever felt ever since I started working
I had the comments of me being anti-social even on the first week of my job
Am I really THAT anti-social?
personally I don't think so.
its just my topic of interest are somewhat a lil' off mainstream that's all.
Guess, its my lesson now, to live it the leekahinn way but still blend into the society way
I'm not letting the society change who I really am,
but that doesn't mean I have to be all against the society!
I still enjoy talking to some interesting people,
its just most people I have met turn out to be .... uninteresting.
well, I'll find a way.
Life will find me a way.
I'll be just fine.
I'll make one hell of a spanish speaking squash player who master Taichi.
You think I'm out of my mind?
WATCH ME.
