Hey January

So this is what sat through my so-called peak period of January..

I'd doodle a little from time to time, like when I'm waiting for documents

or when I don't wanna look too free which in fact I actually am...

That ought to explain why everything sounded 'out of nowhere'

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Hey January, so you’re ending now.

Maybe I’m lucky; you weren’t as tough as what I was told you would have been.

But I am devastated.

I was dying slowly inside.

For months something in me is shrinking.

From a burning flame it has now become a shivering spark

I’m keeping the spark, because that’s what I really am, and that is what I can do at the very least…

I didn’t reach the part of “life is tough”, but then I have learnt that being the leekahinn we want is not going to be easy.

As much as we wanted to keep being us, people will always judge.

The worst part? We can’t keep their voices away.

We are still sensitive to whatever the parents would say. We thought they understand us, but in fact they don’t. Probably only the friends do, or at least they accept the differences between our thoughts.

Everyone say, “don’t care what others say.”

But we really wanted our parents to stand strong in our ground; we worked all we can to gain their approval. They don’t have to think the way we do, but they can at least have faith in us.

Many have said, “leekahinn, you care too much.”

But we began to understand why we love oversea so much.

Because in that strange-foreign-faraway land, we get to be ourselves, while pretending that our family would back us up. We will have time for only ourselves, and probably some to just live in our day dream.

Some say we are losers, we cannot get what others have got.

But then again, we never are, the kind of people who live a life like any others. We are always the one who is specifically labelled with our names because we are different.

People will not tell their kids to look up to us, but we are the one who actually wake up excitedly, can’t wait to begin a day.

We are people like that. We are the one who would spend hours with the kids telling them the beautiful wonders of the world. That, is how leekahinn is supposed to be.

Remember how we wanted to be the one who tell the kids to grow up bravely, because everything ahead is all wonderful. We are gonna tell them that on every road, there will be tripping stones, but at the end of every road, there are rainbow waiting.

Some claimed they have never seen any rainbow, well that was because they spent all their lives walking others’ way. Everyone has their own destiny; I cannot walk your way while expecting to find my own rainbow. Mine is there waiting at the end of my journey and adventures.

When I eventually found my rainbow, I will sit with him and tell him all of my stories like a kid who just got home from her first day at school.

I stand tall as leekahinn, I will always be who I am. Even though that means being different, even though that means people will look at me and say what a freak.

I walked a whole long path to find who I am, I will not and never shall, throw that away by any means.

You can save your persuasion.

If I ever need a persuasion, it would be from the rock-hard wall that I have been crashing into.

That also, will not make any difference. Because, I have quietly fantastic in my DNA.

I wasn’t, am not, and will never be the normal girl next door.

I am living the life where they would put it on a magazine or newspapers to teach people about life.

In 3 years’ time, people will quote my name in their resignation letter to tell their employer that everyone deserves a life.

I am sorry my dear boss, you might be very good at your job, but you totally suck at being a boss.

You can’t keep me and that is your loss.

For you, there will always be another person to replace my position, but there ain’t nobody can replace me.

You failed to notice that, and I don’t feel sorry for you.

Your firm will survive on without me, but it will not marvel.

Sorry that I had to put it that way, but yes, it is true.

Some people try to tell you that this is how a job should be, tough, stupid boss, nasty client.

But tell them, there is a world of human. In that world, everyone uses their brain.

And WE DESERVED TO BE BRAIN-USED UPON.

As long as we are not happy, something is wrong.

Never compromise your smiles for anything.

And when someone wanna convince you about work now play later, politely ask them to

FUCK OFF

Work is a part of your life, so why should it be sucky?

Salary is a compensation given by your employer upon your work performed to ease his business.

He doesn’t owe you anything, and you don’t owe him anything either.

We are educated people, we talk about equality.

I work, I take your salary. Your salary compensates the work I performed.

PERIOD.

There is no one person in this world that deserves a sucky job.

You know why we have all these trouble about daily lives?

Have you ever imagine a world where everyone is genuinely happy?

You know, like everyone actually enjoy what they are doing?

Or should I start with, “have you been so happy that you just enjoy every single second of your life, and is thankful to be alive?”

I do.

Those days, were good.

I was working in Mcdonalds, and I couldn’t be happier.

Even I have nasty managers, I would whine about it and always end with a joke. I enjoy serving even those nasty customers! I was so happy that sometimes, I secretly pay for their food..

There is this time where a bunch of guys came in, and they are all bald. I asked if they got bulk discount at the hair stylist. One of them said they are doing that to show mental support to one of their friend who got cancer.

I thought it was really nice of them, so I gave them free apple pies, free sauces in which I later put in the money myself. Normally they make me charge for the extra sauces, that day, I gave them a whole bunch of sauces for free. What? People have a friend going through cancer; I just want to give them some positivity!

Or there is this old man who always come in with two other kids. The kids always order happy meal and the old man will go with a large black coffee. Every single time, I will purposely rush to make their fries. I will always stuff in extra fries and sometimes extra apple slices. I would give the old man free food too at times.