二十多岁的时候，你很多梦想
你要去抓住它

因为三十岁的时候，你要去拥抱你二十岁的梦

Look up to the sky not just the floor

"Million Years Ago"

by, Adele

I only wanted to have fun

Learning to fly learning to run

I let my heart decide the way

When I was young

Deep down I must have always known

That this would be inevitable

To earn my stripes I'd have to pay

And bare my soul

I know I'm not the only one

Who regrets the things they've done

Sometimes I just feel it's only me

Who can't stand the reflection that they see

I wish I could live a little more

Look up to the sky not just the floor

I feel like my life is flashing by

And all I can do is watch and cry

I miss the air I miss my friends

I miss my mother I miss it when

Life was a party to be thrown

But that was a million years ago

When I walk around all of the streets

Were I grew up and found my feet

They can't look me in the eye

It's like they're scared of me

I try to think of things to say

Like a joke or a memory

But they don't recognise me now

In the light of day

I know I'm not the only one

Who regrets the things they've done

Sometimes I just feel it's only me

Who never became who they thought they'd be

I wish I could live a little more

Look up to the sky not just the floor

I feel like my life is flashing by

And all I can do is watch and cry

I miss the air I miss my friends

I miss my mother I miss it when

Life was a party to be thrown

But that was a million years ago

A million years ago

**************************

When was the last time a song caught you right in the act of life?

It struck through you and instead of crying, 

you were left suffocating in the eerie silence.

You can't cry.

For your heart is weeping and bleeding

You are worried,

about yourself.

下降的速度太快，来不及踏上未来

In the end, we all regretted for a poorly hand-shake goodbye

Years later, as you sit back at your leather-made sofa, watching your kids running around your thousand-dollar carpet,

You began to think back of the people at the very beginning of your working life

How long have you been working?

5 years? 10 years?

And then even that year old awkward goodbye hugs seem precious.

Because time washes off the harshness of reality,

What remains, are the essence of your memories.

The smile, the laughs, the helpless hopeless working papers,

They all look cute from afar. FROM AFAR.

And if situation allows, flip out your phone,

Call a person or two

“Hello, its me. I was wondering if after all these years you would like to meet~”

#Thoughts 001

I think the sadness and pathetic of life sink in when we realize, we actually like 2 different life that cannot be together.

As a human of this world at this time, we are taught to be logical. If you are not, you belong to an asylum. And by logic, it means everyone can be measured with pros and cons, every event in life can be carefully analyzed for advantages and disadvantages. We are supposed to level between these and figure out the most cost-benefit way of them all.

You like football and you like baseball? Well play both and find out which one you are better at. Here I use the word “better at” instead of “liked the most” because, well, if you purposely choose something that you like for your own pleasure, you are dumb, you are stupid and you are the negative example for the whole next century.

There is no such thing as both, or have it all. That I get.

There are so many things in this world that you can have, but “All” is never an option.

Even for those people who say those women who have both wonderful family and successful careers, they say these women have everything.

Nope. Nope, but not in a negative way.

These people are more determined I guess. They are pretty clear that they want a wonderful family and successful career. You try mixing a wonderful family, a successful career and plenty of leisure time for self. Pretty impossible. You have only one life, made up by 60 seconds per minute and 24 hours a day.

Basically everything you do has a tik-tok.

In what that has inspired me into writing these, it’s when Robin & Barney first got engaged.

Ted had been all fine and obsessed of being a “main-of-honor”, and somehow Lily got Ted up in the roof and say, “I’m gonna give you an out”.

“Sometimes I wish I am not a mother. I wish I can just pack up a bag and leave in the middle of the night, never coming back.”

“Robin shouldn’t be with Barney. She should be with me”

(One thing with these sitcoms, is that they are relatable. Somehow some part of  these seemingly ridiculous story is part and parcel of your whole life, if not summary of it. #ExaggeratingToMakeAPoint)

I always wonder how people get up, decide that ok, I want a family and I want nothing but a family. People, as in my parents. I always label myself as the wasted kid. You know, the one you wished you hadn’t had. My parents have been really awesome, like providing me education, needs, luxuries and even dreams. My parents made it a thing to celebrate every year during my birthday. We get to go fancy western restaurant where I will order chicken chop and milkshakes.

They love me like any pure love a parent can ever give a child, maybe even more.

It’s just, sometimes, I don’t think I deserve such love.

For all these years, I felt like I am the worst kid.

Always waiting to flee the warm comfortable nest

Always dreaming for tougher and bigger shits

Chinese has a saying that says to not travel far when the parents are around.

I can’t.

Simply just can’t.

As I flip back the old photos of me, I felt bad.

My parents have positive expectations on me.

But I grew up this rebellious immature emo kid.

I never said I love you to my parents and the thought of that grosses me.

I don’t realize the need to call home randomly.

My mum had to text me like “Hey its been 2 weeks not hearing from you, how are you?”

I wished I could be more caring.

Keep them in my concern.

(TruthBeTold, I think I have no concern.)

Maybe I was right all the time, I am incapable to love.

That’s why I guilt over the love people showered on my.

My family, my friends.

Probably same reason why I keep losing friends too.