I think the sadness and pathetic of life sink in when we realize, we
actually like 2 different life that cannot be together.
As a human of this world at this time, we are taught to be logical. If
you are not, you belong to an asylum. And by logic, it means everyone can be
measured with pros and cons, every event in life can be carefully analyzed for
advantages and disadvantages. We are supposed to level between these and figure
out the most cost-benefit way of them all.
You like football and you like baseball? Well play both and find out which
one you are better at. Here I use the word “better at” instead of “liked the
most” because, well, if you purposely choose something that you like for your
own pleasure, you are dumb, you are stupid and you are the negative example for
the whole next century.
There is no such thing as both, or have it all. That I get.
There are so many things in this world that you can have, but “All” is
never an option.
Even for those people who say those women who have both wonderful
family and successful careers, they say these women have everything.
Nope. Nope, but not in a negative way.
These people are more determined I guess. They are pretty clear that
they want a wonderful family and successful career. You try mixing a wonderful
family, a successful career and plenty of leisure time for self. Pretty
impossible. You have only one life, made up by 60 seconds per minute and 24
hours a day.
Basically everything you do has a tik-tok.
In what that has inspired me into writing these, it’s when Robin &
Barney first got engaged.
Ted had been all fine and obsessed of being a “main-of-honor”, and
somehow Lily got Ted up in the roof and say, “I’m gonna give you an out”.
“Sometimes I wish I am not a mother. I wish I can just pack up a bag
and leave in the middle of the night, never coming back.”
“Robin shouldn’t be with Barney. She should be with me”
(One thing with these sitcoms, is that they are relatable. Somehow some
part of these seemingly ridiculous story
is part and parcel of your whole life, if not summary of it. #ExaggeratingToMakeAPoint)
I always wonder how people get up, decide that ok, I want a family and I
want nothing but a family. People, as in my parents. I always label myself as
the wasted kid. You know, the one you wished you hadn’t had. My parents have
been really awesome, like providing me education, needs, luxuries and even
dreams. My parents made it a thing to celebrate every year during my birthday.
We get to go fancy western restaurant where I will order chicken chop and
milkshakes.
They love me like any pure love a parent can ever give a child, maybe
even more.
It’s just, sometimes, I don’t think I deserve such love.
For all these years, I felt like I am the worst kid.
Always waiting to flee the warm comfortable nest
Always dreaming for tougher and bigger shits
Chinese has a saying that says to not travel far when the parents are
around.
I can’t.
Simply just can’t.
As I flip back the old photos of me, I felt bad.
My parents have positive expectations on me.
But I grew up this rebellious immature emo kid.
I never said I love you to my parents and the thought of that grosses
me.
I don’t realize the need to call home randomly.
My mum had to text me like “Hey its been 2 weeks not hearing from you,
how are you?”
I wished I could be more caring.
Keep them in my concern.
(TruthBeTold, I think I have no concern.)
Maybe I was right all the time, I am incapable to love.
That’s why I guilt over the love people showered on my.
My family, my friends.
Probably same reason why I keep losing friends too.
