In respect to the “speaking” test of my treasured friend (or should I say besties?)..Hmm, an English post again I see. Anyway, you’ll get used to it eventually, or you’ll just off and go.
I was surfing through people’s blog just now. And I have to say, WAU!!....they are like so...Different. Since me blogging, I’ve allowed myself to practice a so called hobby, that is to read others blog anonymously. I read and the next moment, I’m off to another one. I always believed that although everyone tends to take blog as a diary or notation of the wonderful lives, (some even lied on it to make themselves SEEM better off) the connection between the blogger and the words never just vanish away. If I read it carefully, I can observe even minor changes over the blogger. Maybe he is upset, maybe she is feeling awesome, maybe he is so lost, or maybe she is falling in love.
I liked blogging, obviously, which then result with the frequent updates, no matter how lame it is, I enjoyed every tiny part of making it happen. It’s pretty much like an addiction for me to sit down whenever I’m free and start to chat with my inner self. I could have just sat there for hours without a word typed, but I am glad, at least I kept myself a chance to always keep in touch with my inner self before I did anything to be regret of.
Never hesitate to curse those who bring you or became a trouble to you. That’s what Jessica told me, if only that gives you strength to live on. I simply do agree. That’s why I’m always sorry for some of my lecturers or known-ones. I’m really sorry to curse you guys but, sorry la; you are the reason why I hate and thus making me curse you. Living on normally is very important. That’s what my idol (Mr.9blades) told me. That’s why I never thought of myself as a loser even in cases that I’m so qualified to be one. Some said I’m over-confident, some said I’m just over-protecting myself. No matter which it is actually, I have to say, as a matter of facts, I’ve been raised from a total ZERO confident girl into who I am today. Anyone without similar experiences can never understand how hard I’ve tried to gain confidence and how hard I’ll try to protect my confident.
Life can be very pathetic without confidence. You see me today talking in front of everyone, telling lame jokes, but there were days that I’m the joke itself. I’ve had enough. I was so small to freak out and run away in those days. Hence, I always told myself to be and stay strong but it’s tiring to hold your tears when you are ruptured! Since I’ve been through all that, I swear to GOD with my heartbeats, I’ll do anything to keep believing in myself.
Some says that I’m too young to upset, to be frustrated, to be tired, BUT let me save you a few words here,
“It’s your era that youngsters like us have none other problems than friends, lovers and homework!”
I’m frustrated, I’m upset, I’m tired but damn you fuckin’, SO WHAT?!
I can still live on with my own encouragement and my very own beliefs, even you said it’s just childish. I’m who I am. Don’t judge me whenever you read any article from any damn newspapers! I was a fool to care about you so much. My concern over your thoughts is what burdens me!
You’ll never know, like you’ve not been caring.
I’m sorry and sad to say, I’ve had enough. I’m all on my own now.
