I am not in mood. Not in mood for everything… Not in mood for MAF assignment, not in mood for patiently waiting Pet Society. Many is running in my mind, too much, but its too few to identify each of them. I was so fuck up, somehow, I hate my pathetic life. I hate a lot of people but I have most of them same class with me, I hate many type of people but I have most of the types in my college.
But I certainly don’t know should I change my college after diploma, as per what I can foresee, I might end my whole college life in here, TARC Penang. Every time I sit down and try to figure something out, I end up distracted. Might simply because human tends to run away from unsolvable matters. Fine, well, most of them do.
I do know that this is a question with no reference. It’s probably a “life-concerned” question. Sometimes, I want to went oversea for the pathetic 3 months so badly, but sometimes, I wished for a great college life with lots of memories and FRIENDS. So far, I’ve got few few few few normal friends in college. Out of these few few few few friends, only 1 or 2 is not my classmates, and for those which are my classmates, they are only a TINY part from it. Too tiny to be ignorable sometimes.
I sit in the college, imagining, my precious friends back at high school. I miss those unpredictable laughters, those lame actions, those times where we sleeps together, those times we eat and jokes through all those disaster moments, all those space saved for my EMO moments which I seriously tryinf to overcome, all those colours and graphics we used to create out of boring-ness, all those gossips we used to have even I’m always the last to know, all those bombastic moments are too UNFORGETTABLE for I still can’t help myself to stop thinking every free time.
Its not that I want to be those kind of EMO kids to have black face shown every minute(its tiring,k!)..But I don’t have new memories, that’s the fact. My life is ordinary-ly lame and boring. I sleep, eat, go to college, come back to hostel, go back to hometown. These are the activities. That’s all my life. I hate to go inside the huge lecture hall and only get to say HI to 2 to 3 people. Its still ok, but I have to say that I am hugely feeling negative towards my lecture-mates ..(some, or even MOST). Especially after their STUPID CELEBRATION so called being held in the crowded and packed MIS lecture. I see no respect to lecturers and other students, I see idiot holding cheap cakes….I see gurney not that far away, for real, what’s the point of singing the birthday song in the lecture hall. Its not like you sing like Susan Boyle and you needed a place to shine, its not like you sing like Connie Talbot that you are actually an angel, you’re so normal, ordinary and even more, PATHETIC.
This whole college thing, I’ve started it in a totally wrong way! With 2 wrong people. Nobody is there to blame, everything is my choice, I chose to keep silence everytime they act foolish-ly, I chose to keep silence everytime I have doubt in my mind……Its me who set up all these…Its me to be blamed…..I can listen to mayday so that I can eventually let everythings out, but I refused to. If I really released everything out, I’ll be totally empty.
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No ending this time, Nothing really ended as they should have been.
That’s what I had learnt so far….
