I'm sorry ms. Theresa.
I was out of mood. Seriously out of mood.
In the class just now, i just wish I have something to write about.
I grabbed my pen, and started scribbling.
I drew spongebob, patrick, and I wrote this
"Can we pretend like airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I can really use a wish right now" for copyright sake, i have to say this is part of the lyrics of the song airplanes by B.O.B
I kept on writing this sentence again and again.
on the papers, on the tables, but i never get it out of my head.
Its still there, turning round and round.
I feel exhausted. Being down made me exhausted.
they say live like you're dying, I say I'm already dying.
Sometimes, I woke up in the middle of the night
turn around, and saw my mayday posters.
I look into them and they look into me.
what do they see i wonder?
I sat up and look straight into them, and they remained silent.
still looking at me.
I ask them, do you know my life?
they remained silent.
I ask again, do you know my life?
They remained silent still.
I guess I'm just paranoiac
because I talk to a poster
I don't wanna say FML. because my life, isn't that bad.
just that, when I log in to facebook,
all these people, all these stories, all these news,
they made me suffocated.
and you might think my problem will be solved as long as I don't on facebook.
you don't know me.
My problem from the whole beginning is not about facebook,
its about being a normal and ordinary spot in this big population and doing nothing about it.
That day I drove myself to college, I feel terrible.
There is so many place along the way that I wished to stop by,
but I didn't. I just drove passed as if I see none.
I have my destination, but does that mean I shouldn't stop by along others?
and who set the rules?
I remembered I said before that,
if this life is just a game of hierarchy,
I'd rather to be out of it.
Somewhere I can be someone I wanna be.
somewhere I can ignore all the crowd.
somewhere I wont be reminded by my horrible past.
Somewhere, Over, The Rainbow.
I thought of the time I was in Bali.
It was not a rich country I admit.
but somehow, when I'm terrified of what my life had turned out,
I want an escape. a quietly escape.
No one shall find out, until I'm finally breathing my air, with sun nicely laid on my face.
I wonder if people really read my post,
because its so damn long and is freakin random.
even me myself don't really understand.
There were a lot of places in Bali that I miss.
I wish I can bring my novel or drama there
and spend my life.
I wanna spend my life. I wanna Live it to the fullest.
but I'm tired of seeing zero in my bank accounts.
I'm tired of being tell when is the due date for whatever stuffs.
I'm fed up of whatever rules my mum gave me.
I'm sick of what people want me to be.
I'm disgusted of myself.
I'm so down that I wanna eat something awesome so badly.
but I couldn't, because my bank account is still too pure.
pure enough to not know my desire to buy a lomo camera.
I feel sad, how on earth did I end up like this?
broke, tired, exhausted, hungry, paranoiac.
I don't know, I just did.
I think of working, but only think.
I don't know what to tell my mum.
I feel disaster when I'm hungry, Like NOW.
and tomorrow I'm supposed to attend some software talk from 9am to 5pm.
what a cursed day.
After all, I only wanted to live Quietly Fantastic,
WHAT'S SO HARD ABOUT THAT?
I don't know, GOOGLE it!
I sometimes wish for a different life, but I am who I am for a reason. I just needed someone to talk to.
