should be one of the non-ordinary day of mine
special.
where should i start....hmm.
okay so today, i ended my exam in 12.15pm
then i said bye to aiphing and walked straight back to hostel
with a mind flooded with negative emotions
i tried holding things up but as soon as i get into my room and turned around
i started crying
i cannot think and i feel like im drowning into something bad, real bad
i took off my jackets simply throwing it somewhere then i curl myself up on the bed
i hid my face into the blanket so i don't have to see anything
then i cry. hardly, terribly, horribly, devastatingly, dreadfully, awfully, etc.
It feels more like there's another me questioning the weaker me "WHY"
i dont know, i dont know, i keep saying again and again
but no one cares, that question remains repetitive like, "why?" "WHY?!" "WHYYY!!!"
i continued crying, all curled up on my bed in my "I've got the power" t-shirt.
i smell the medicine i applied for my allergy all over my blanket
but there's too much in my mind scattering, floating, flying
i couldn't handle it all and i let them tear me apart.
well. why am i crying?
it all started yesterday night, i guess?
so as usual since i have a morning paper today, i have my sleeping time at 12am
which i managed to have it earlier as the revision process went on better than i expected
so around 1130pm, im already on bed.......like all other usual nights
then, things went wrong at around 12.30 am.
i wake up to a massive itchiness all over my body especially my head
i couldn't stop scratching it in my dream and my neck , my back, my....whole body
so i woke up and from the mirror im terrified
from my chin to my shoulder to chest, its all covered with reddish spot
which is what my normal allergy looks like, i was saying, URGH, NOT TODAY!!!!!
but then i still take put the medicine my mum handed and spread it all over my body
It has a pungent smell and feel extreme irritate to the body if you asked me
but that's not the worst yet, to my
now thats WTF.
i felt so wrong, like you know,
im having a massive paper which kept me nervous ever since the beginning of the semester
and now you give me this?! 2 swollen eyes?! watthedamnfuckisthis?!
i hesitated whether to apply that pungent and irritating medicine on my eyes
then out of desperation i applied a very thin layer on it
yes i feel like my eyes are burning and so i quickly wiped it off
then i crawl up my bed, praying to god that every will be alright again when i wake up again
.............
apparently God was off-duty that time
......................................
I actually scheduled myself to wake up for final revision at 5am in the morning
which turns out i opened my eyes at 6.30am, right, im one and a half hour behind schedule
fuck you cellphone alarm
and also, i realize that my allergic thing on body is all gone,
but my swollen eyes....ERM, nothing, NOTHING AT ALL
and somehow it just worsen
i guess thats when my panic started
so i actually had to shorten up my final revision somemore with my pathetic wrong timing swollen eyes
then off i went to exam
i was terrified of what a terrible time planner my allergy was
so i actually brought hand sanitizer to the exam hall, just in case you know.
then the exam paper
i guess the panic i had since morning never left
so i actually went all screwed up in every questions i attempted
and somehow somewhere i just turn a one question down
that wasnt really a bid deal if it wasnt the only question i have confident in doing
my brain was stuck, i feel like im beside myself and im not controlling whatever im doing
so i crack my head for the other questions and as the time ticks my panic grow
growing growing growing
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..................and thats how i screw up my papers................................................
and the story now connects to me crying.
=)
it hasnt end, but just i need a better mood to continue on.
see you next chapter, or episode?
whatever.
