Most of the time,
I wish they'd just stop and listen.
I don't even know how to start telling
what i want or what i wish for
maybe because the mistakes i've done
it'll cost my whole life to make up to it
i'm sorry
but i can't simply ignore the fact that you hurt me
you can go on assuming i have no feelings though
like what you've been so good doing
i'm already good at talking myself through
no matter how terrible things may get
i know after all those cries, i will be okay again
maybe i was just a mistake
for my whole life, i feel un-valued
for my whole life, i feel unwanted
forever and ever
i might as well keep the fact that i hurt too to myself
those who cares they will understand
whatever you've been doing, it disappointed me
knowing i'm losing you forever feels bad
but like every other bad i had
i know one day it will all fade away
the hurt, the pain, the tears
you let me go
you let me live beside where i belong
you let me be on my own when i'm lost
just someday,
i may as well leave.
leave everything and find something that is willing to let me in
finding something that i can belong to
i've been two-faced
but it didn't work out the way it should be
because i understand more
that's why i have to tolerate
because i know the benefit of being nice
that's why i'm always at the losing end smiling at my pain and aches
it feels awful every time i'm left out
but as the times pile up, things just get easier
because i'm used to it
i'm not somebody, i don't hurt
is that it?
they told me i should keep out the negative part from here
they say this is because life's short and you don't want to waste time remembering the hard times
but that's not what i'd agree to
i'd like to remember all these times
happy, or unhappy.
because if i don't, i will soon forget
forget how bad i used to feel
and forget how hard i struggled to be whom i am being
and i'm done being a faker
i'm quite a fake one in living my life
there's so many parts of me that make up the different portion of my life
some of them, i am real
some of them, i am just an expectations-fulfiller
i am not me all the time
i am not true
i lied, a lot
i like travelling more because i want to run away
run away from all these fakers in me
and i know one day i will be in that one place
where i enjoy what i'm doing
and i am just me
smiling laughing eating drinking sleeping - living, the real me
and people around me will embrace me the way i am
one day. some place. me and them.
i believe.
