i should have sat down making up plans for my Christmas
like food. like hanging out. like FUN.
that was before. i knew christmas is not going to hit me this year.
my sister is getting married. the youngest sister.
she is 9 years older than me. i have photo she carrying me when i was a baby at her age of 9.
and then, its her wedding tomorrow.
how time pass eh.
never feel the speed. we never realize the growing until we're finally grown.
its like pandorum. you never know what's out there and you never know where you actually stood on.
when. where. who. why.
i feel weird at this point of time.
i was only 14 when 2nd sister got married. and all i care was the food the food the food and the food.
probably because i wasnt that close with her back then.
all i recall was she bringing me adventuring to penang island all the way from that lil estate.
we took taxi, stand on bus, rushed for ferry. she got me a bun on the ferry.
even until now, i still buy myself buns from ferry. reminding me of whom i used to be.
reminding me of my sisters.
i was bornt in a normal family. the abnormal part would be i don't talk to my only siblings.
not until i was in tertiary. then we started msn n facebook.
and i always wished for sisters. like those in movie
where sisters will lie down on bed side by side sharing gossips and secrets
someone i could talk to about my dreams and most of all, fear.
thank god slot me into such a position with 3 non-blood related sisters.
i guess my life would be real dull without them.
my youngest sister. sanjie sanjie. thats how i used to call her.
when i was a kid, she gets me doughtnut everyday from her high school.
that was the only reason i sit still aiming at the door every noon sparing my babysitter(her mum) a few moment to prepare lunch.
i'd run so soooooo quickly to her to grab my doughnut. heavenly-tasted.
and i could barely remember the first time i try the curry of roti canai.
i used to have it with sugar or plain.
and that day the 3 sisters told me the curry is not spicy at all. and yea, i tried a small small piece.
pa-re-pu. that was before i learn pronouncing.
from that point of time, until today i sitting here, searching every stories i had with them.
back in that small small house where electricity always go out and we play shadows and candles.
back in those days where i play ma-ma-sak with chopped flowers and leaves.
back in the time I cried so horribly when i realized that wasnt my real home, and its time for the real one.
and how did i, how did i reach here.sitting here in the middle of the night.
undeniably i am really growing. i knew that. but it just touched so much at this particular moment.
my sister is getting married.
the one who'd drag me to go round penang island searching for food.
the one who tried her first hair-cutting on me.
the one who cut my hair for years free of charge
the one who brought me around in her lil kancil
the one i used to go behind and shout "sanjie sanjie"
and now she is getting married
i dont know why. i feel sad. very very sad.
sometimes i felt like i've walk so far and i feel tired.
that was when i started wondering how about others.
time moves on, leaving stains here and there.
sometimes in the middle of the night, you accidentally touch that one stain that you never really aware of.
then you cry yourself to sleep.
waking up the next day with a wet pillow and blanket, and a thanking heart.
i couldnt finish this. i'm flooding myself.
i need time, to carefully handle those stains, rearranging them.
