This coincident dragged me into deep deep thoughts

we started as a bunch of naive people

sitting near each other

before matters arose

before love bloomed

so much before

before everything started

who would have expected we will reach this today

never know i will stay in this lil penang

and said goodbye to some people

some left before i had the chance to say it

there's this one day my mum told me a few stories of her friends

she ended with a simple sentence saying,

"well, dunno where is she right now, lost contact so long ago"

kinda sad

losing a friend is sad

not to mention if u've lose a lot

sometimes i try seeing those photos of us back at secondary school.

laughing, and there's always a lot of us

like i've said, no matter whoever is in the picture, no matter whether they really smiled or just faked it, i treasure all of them.

from there, i picked up bit by bit and built my own memories

good ones, bad ones.

i miss the time where all of everything hasnt started yet

before stories secrets loves started joining us

but i like it right now too

seems like, those who care really stayed

and for those who left, whatever you just go away, bye.

i just wanna stay with those care to stay with me. =)

i love my friends,

when i say friends, it meant a double side relationship

Result is out

and da, NOPE

i am not going to penang bridge to suicide tonight

phewwww~

Suting visited yesterday night

watch 2 movies

i couldnt sleep last night

yea, chicken

TRY SAY ME CHICKEN AGAIN AFTER YOU HAVE ME EXAM IN MY WAY OF STUDY

i was so damn worried ever since i ended the papers

yea

thats what usually happen when i dont any preparation in me had been done well

i learned.

ok,

i wanna be a hardworking student this semester

serious

insomnia is the worst thing i ever wanted

exams are killing

but i think if i were to work a lil bit more harder,

things should get better

should.

my mind is not in order yet

feeling 100% grateful to have all passed

i wanna kill the chicken and return to the GOD

lol

serious

my worst subject is financial accounting

i got C....and C- would be FAIL

thank god! i could be only 1 marks away!

well whatever

what's end is end

I'm still grateful

and i know luck will not be with me forever.

i will work on it

PROMISE

and one this latest love

yea, so what if i just love my dad's era's singers?

they rock wat!

日子像水蒸氣 上氣不接下氣

明天就开学了

我想念我的朋友们

今天在看eat pray love的制作特辑

我好怀念在巴厘岛的日子

为什么那时候我没有跟她一样踏脚车

我怀疑我以后会不会也变那样

对生活失去了所谓的胃口

还好久

今天开始要节俭

年底要去旅行

真的想好了

要旅行

旅近旅远都没关系

像每一次那样

我只想要离开

最近迷刘若英

原来我相信听歌找答案

原来

这个假期真的好短

短得无法让我假装出有那么一点的大彻大悟

感慨

风和日丽的mv真的很不错

有旅行到

有风和日丽到

更有lomo到

人不就是这样吗

听听歌，看看戏

日子就这么一天一天的过

我常常回看以前的相簿

好庆幸自己活在有相机的年代

然后不管当时大家是不是真心地在笑

即使是你们的假装

我也很珍惜

毕竟你们陪着那个时候的我

动不动就和世界碰撞

施人诚啊施人诚

不愧是你

我现在也不知道还有没有在和世界碰撞

生活平淡得不好就是这个

没有了冲动的动力和勇气

我始终认为

冲动才是最了不起的力量

那是一种抵挡不了的气魄

让其拥有者

变得强悍，坚毅

我要去看公主嫁到了

不说了

最近，戏剧是我的菜

繼續 - 給15歲的自己

作詞：施人誠
作曲：Angela Aki

知道嗎 我總是惦記 十五歲不快樂的你
我多想 把哭泣的你 摟進我懷裏
不確定 自己的形狀 動不動就和世界碰撞
那些傷 我終於為你 都一一撫平

那一年最難的習題 也不過短短的幾行筆記
現在我卻總愛回憶 回憶當時不服輸的你

天空 會不會雨停 會不會放晴
會不會幸福在終點等著我和你
會不會是我忘記 還能勇敢地去淋雨
我們繼續走下去 繼續往前進
繼續走向期待中的未知旅行
感覺累了的時候 抱著我們的真心
靜靜 好好地休息

這些年 我還算可以 至少都對得起自己
謝謝你 是你的單純 給了我指引
遇見過 很多很多人 完成了一些些事情
你一定 還無法想象 多精彩過癮

誰說人生是公平的 它才不管我們想要怎樣
很感激 你那麽倔強 我才能變成今天這樣

我們繼續走下去 繼續往前進
看這條路肯讓我們走到哪裏
我們想去的地方 一定也有人很想去
我們都不要放棄 都別說灰心
永遠聽從刻在心中那些聲音
感覺累了的時候 請你把我的手握緊

沒有地圖 人生只能憑著手上的夢想 Oh~
循著它的光 曲折轉彎找到有光的地方
Lalala Lalala Lalala 那年的夢想
Lalala Lalala Lalala 人要有夢想
勇敢的夢想 瘋狂的夢想

繼續走下去 繼續往前進
路旁有花 心中有歌 天上有星
我們要去的那裏 一定有最美麗的風景
Oh~ 都不要放棄 都別說灰心
不要辜負心裏那個乾凈的自己
痛到想哭的時候 就讓淚水洗掉委屈
我們要相信自己 永遠都相信
來到這個世界不是沒有意義
我們做過的事情 都會留在人心裏
會被回憶而珍惜

有一天 我將會老去 希望你會覺得滿意
我沒有 對不起那個 十五歲的自己

風和日麗

作詞：陳沒

作曲：藍奕邦

那一年夏天熱得喘不過氣

日子像水蒸氣 上氣不接下氣

幸好我遇見了你 謝天謝地

一整個銀河系 因為你所以七夕

好像被曬到頭暈 喝一口酸梅冰

暫時找到重心 可以鬆一口氣

雖然物換星移 偶然中場休息

謝謝你讓我放我的心

難得風平浪靜 難得風和日麗

難得晴 難得雨 難得生命裏有過你

難得有你可以 讓我認得 記得 值得

難得 一年總有一天 我的好天氣

只能用八千分之一秒留戀

凝視你的單眼 凝結黑白底片

暫時與暫時之間 等於時間

有些過眼煙雲 來不及調整光圈

愛要的只是timing 不需要多聰明

不是一見鍾情 就能一言為定

過去還過得去 只是難免可惜

可惜不能為你而美麗

難得風平浪靜 難得風和日麗

難得晴 難得雨 難得生命裏有過你

難得有你可以 讓我認得 記得 值得

難得 一年總有一天 我的好天氣

難得風平浪靜 難得風和日麗

難得晴 難得雨 難得生命裏有過你

難得有你可以 讓我認得 記得 值得

難得 聽說明天又是 一個好天氣

chiak, bai, ai

hadn't been really about my life did i

its a huge goodybye season this time

saying goodbye here and there

right after my exam i was busy

seriously i don't recall a clear image of that time

it was just about a few of us going here and there

walking here and there

planning this and that

and before tat my laptop got into medical centre of itself

cancer

too much of viruses

end up nearly dead

its now with a brand new soul

in sum, CURED.

and the week after i finished saying goodbye to my friends,

its time for me to kiss my holidays goodbye

yea, damn pity. i know tat. and i dont any less of sorry that others have felt for me

so today is friday

monday will be a brand new day

i cut my hair yesterday which is thursday

went out for the LEEKAHINN day on tuesday

the rest, i spent it wandering around my house

digging secrets which fail big time

so here again, me discussing timetable and new lecturers

from my past 16 years of study

i learned one important fact which never seem to appear in any education material

"Never ever at once think good of lecturers, whether they are known or not"

A user will always be a user and a cheater will always be a cheater.

People don't change, they just find different ways to lie.

yea, tats important

there's something i can't help feeling down of

its that, when i was like, before allowed to drive to college

i do think that a car means a lot in freedom

like wat i used to feel back when i was 5

i used to think that freedom means being able to go mcd whenever i feel like

lame. but what would u expect from a 5-year-old

so these days, i drove to hostel, back home, sometimes out for meals, or movies with friends

and i learned one thing, things always stay pretty until you have it on hand

now with a car, i look at that petrol meter and rate

now with a car, i divided my pocket money into an extra part of petrol

now with a car, i still don't get to go anywhere i feel like

i follow the hidden schedule according to the traffic

i plan my routes so i don't have to take extra turn

i stayed home and cook instead of buying

its never about the external when it comes to the problem of emotions

there's no change between having a car and without one

there's no change between having something you desired and without one

now that i realize,

while you're owning something,

you're supposed to develop your courage to move on without it.

like when you're lying,

while you were being covered by your lies,

you're supposed to develop the courage of tearing the lyings into pieces in future with your bare hands

God does give second chance,

which is why the word "forgiveness" is created

He the al-mighty created this word

left it there and allow everyone who has the courage to reach upon

that's why i heart Eat Pray Love

the courage to throw everything away

it only sounds romantic

but we don't eat romantic

that's why for someone to take a turn in their lives

sort of like forcing them to leave that big crowd they are among which is their comfort zone

It needs a lot more than what it may seem.

Eat Pray Love

i have this in my list

if only the book "secret" is true

gar tau mor. gunting itu rambut.

I cut my hair.

after deep deep DEEP consideration

I was like, wanna cut ar? serious? ARE YOU SANE LEEKAHINN?

dunno why.

I always have this phobia over saloon....

I suffer insomnia a night before the hair cut

maybe that's why I hadn't been cutting my hair since...CNY maybe?

I'm afraid to, like, urm.....DISCUSS with the stylist about the hair I wanted

and I'd rather let it grow into a big messs

like bushes,so i can proudly tell the me in mirror that,

"hey look! you go green!"

and I picked up 2 books of 9blades sent over by my uncle all the way from Johor

<<猎命师>>

lalala~

I've started reading one of it

Its actually kinda..comic-like

and non-comician like me makes me wonder why am i so into it.

well. whatever.

hair cut checked!

and hoping, It will bring good mood and luck this semester.

=)

oh, and Dajie, you know have a company when mama is scolding your hair..

mine is somehow the same concept as yours!

alright.

some pictures to be shown.

allow me

(damn, i wanna sound formal)

so this is my hair right now:

the shampoo the saloon using smells really nice

probably because of that smell

I have a loyalty customer.

way to go

the hair is actually normal

i know

but i just grew to like it

and, since i'm so scared of talking to stylist,

i brought a picture along.

saved in my phone.

like what i used to do when i wanted to cut that old mushroom head

thanks to that mushieroomie head

my cousin decided to forget my name and pronounced me

"mushroom head cousin"

okay.

I decided to share the picture i showed tat stylist

dun laugh until I know you laugh.

the model is 3746187472365198763981237109 times different from me.

i know that.

so just have a look, and laugh somewhere else:

LAUGH SOMEWHERE ELSEEEE!

and some picture to urr...neutral back the atmosphere

books!

猎命师传奇

十五 十六

favourite video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrNvJKTEXvk&feature=related

Throwing all tracks into playlist and listening to them randomly is another way of remembering the good old days

Half way through editing photos from Kuala Sepetang.

been there with family

feel like it is in connection with pulau pangkor

where chinese is the majority

well, maybe that's why this 2 places are so alike to me

school gonna reopen next week.

what kind of tertiary education centre have semester break of TWO weeks?

people counted with months k!

And every time I started my holiday,

i'm always busy saying goodybye with friends few days at the beginning.

and i get to enjoy the holiday ALL BY MYSELF.

WHO NEED HOLIDAYS WHEN YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SPEND IT WITH SOMEONE ELSE????

and the best damn thing is, the short and freaking holiday for my college

is always that short that i can never forget which lecturer I hated

oh god, have I ever say it here that there's a lecturer last semester that continously hate-me looking?

ok, lets make it short

there's a YOUNG female lecturer teaching something I hate. and da, SHE HATES ME, a lot.

maybe more that a lot.

I actually planned to mail her something this holiday

but i ended up not.

because the time i decided so was when i think she is ok with comments

and the time i'm certain of doing so was when she told us she will not be seeing us this coming sem

BUT NOW!

right before the exam start, i learn that she is......$#^&$*^&^T.....just something totally different from what i've expected.

SO I DIDNT SEND

and with the screw-up level i've done in her paper

she's gonna eat me alive this new semester

haizzz....I never know what have I done to earn this

but damnit, WHY MUST SHE HATE ME AMONG 4 CLASSES OF PEOPLE??!

nightmares just by thinking i'm seeing her again.

and i have to act like i respect her a lot. EWWW!

leekahinn is a FAKER! fake fake fake!

sometimes I just hope "block" features like MSN and Facebook were real

just a click and "phoof!" you're gone forever until I allow you back or....system down.

there's ton lots of people i intended to block

haizz....

I actually wanna say something to do with me losing one of my once-BEST-friend.

but not now. some other time after I'm confident of telling it out without too straightforward

just later.

I'm done with photos from Kuala Sepetang.

the food was like...AWHHHH! seducing..especially with the price.

I'm thinking of what else to write

because i feel sad of just ending this post like this

and......the photos are not done uploading YET.

saw a lot of people celebrating mooncake festival

and i was like....I didn't even know it was today.

until i see those news feed and those photos

my mum asked me why am i home and she supposed to hear me hanging out at friend's place

ha. my mum. she likes to ask me why don't I hang out when I'm home,

and ask me to be home when I'm out.

yea yea yea...I give those impression of poor self-management

to my parents, lecturers, or even some friends

they just couldn't help thinking I'm someone with poor self management

well. yea, thats cool

at least I'm kinda like covered under this fake truth

am having a new wish this recent

I wanna be on a train that brings me somewhere far far away.

Where affordable.

Where I will sleep on the train and wake up with the sunlight kissing my face

and I will have butter croissant plus a cup of hot chocolate

and I will bring my bags and started walking around and finally,

i will reach a hotel

and somebody will be there waiting for me as a surprise

I shouted, I ran to that person.

we hugged. we smiled. I weep.

then the person tell me stories and give me a big cheesecake

what a long and precise dream,

yea, when I'm free, I design, or should I say decorate?, whatever

i, urm....., design my dream and add in bits by bits all those details

afterall, i just want a sweet escape..

my grandma is cute.

You........are, the ONLY exception

All my friends left.

and I'm here all alone to feel the miserables and the empty

I sent her off at the airport.

I sent her off at the busstop.

I met her few times before she left.

and thats how things reach a comma

I stood and see around

nothing seems to be familiar

and there I fell

into this big hole of emotions

I'm suffocating

and I cry in between

"What's with crying" they ask

"Nothing, I'm just hoping for some consolation" I answered

".....well. COOL" they replied

"good luck" they added.

I stopped crying and stared at them

"................"

"........................"

".............................................................."

"oh hey, why don't you just continue staring at me and never remember that you were crying?"

WHo are they?

my imaginary friends that is.

I do miss my friends.

you know, like when you suddenly been thrown into a chance of going wild in your mind

you started moving backwards and get amazed by memories

Like watching an old film

Like listening an old song

NOTHING BEATS!

and you will smile

and maybe send an sms to those knowing your names

some craps or just a smiley face

because you want to share with them the joy

of having them in your life

and also to have time without them around

to remember bit by bit the moments they were there

the laughters

the songs

the people

the atmosphere

and you never feel PRESSURED remembering these

cause you know

this are no memories,

they are what you are.

** People going through hard times in life

are similar to the iron being burned in the fire

we get to be taught of when where and how to soft down.**

There's always that one night

where no matter what happen

you just know and for sure that

those moments you had together with your friends

they last forever

and no matter what happens in the winter

2012

or

the day after tomorrow,

that one night, will be all the warms and temperature you need.

Where should I end my year?

again, i'm holiday. kicked start with a bad night

I'm hanging out with friends tomorrow.
and my mum say its Raya. so there will be lotsa car type of story start popping up
and so, i am not allowed to drive to penang.
i understand the rationale behind, although i don't really agree

but it feels terrible
when ..... i feel that disapproval again
AGAIN.

my mum used to disapprove my lifestyle, friends, thinkings and everything
then i decided to learn becoming a good girl
which i always failed with my weight
seriously who's gonna like it when you are reminded of how ugly and fat and redundant your existent is

I don't like it.

I hate it twice as much when my mum look at me and "tzk tzk tzk" when i'm eating something.
I hate it twice as much when my mum look at me and say I will never get a job for my size being enormously huge.
I hate it twice as much when my mum seeing me looking at fashion-socalled-related stuffs and say I am too ugly for all those stuffs
I hate it twice as much when my mum ask me questions sarcastically and giving an image of i'm having wrong people as friends
I hate it twice as much when my mum come to me and ask like "your friend din give u birthday present this year ar? i thought u all so good"
I hate it twice as much when i let off all my emotions in the middle of no where and feel like being swollen into deep deep loneliness.
I hate it that i cannot hate her because she is my mum
I hate it that i promised myself i shall try my best not to talk her back. \
I hate it that when i was so frustrated about life, all i can do is on my headset and start my simple plan.

I heard this from a movie trailer (Eat, Pray Love) today:
"I lost my appetite over my life! I wanna get it back."

I wanna say I lost my appetite over building a sweet mother-daughter relationship

i thought i had changed things bit by bit
but fairly on the ground, nothing ever moved an inch
all i have done is nothing but some air evaporated into the surroundings--not even remembered.
I thought I ROCK the world but I am the only one who thought.


there's a quote sound this way:

"If your happiness rely on how people treat you, you will forever and ever rely on this kind donation of others"


But all i ever wished for is a mother-daughter relationship like those on tv
things just never turn out right
my mum is always of the opinion of my brother

I hate it when my mum agreed with all my brother mentioned and look at me wondering why am i not even 0.1% alike of my brother

She say my brother has this awesome command of english and math and life
She say my brother would have done a zillion better than me if he were to take accounting
She say my brother would always be the coolest boy that ignores all the gossip about family.

mum, I'm sorry if i give you the image of me fancy those gossips.
I actually do know some of them and you somehow repeated them a couple of times.
but i dunno wat else to ask, so i ask the same thing again and again
so at least the atmosphere wouldnt be that awkward.

i'm jealous of my brother maybe,
because i never reaches any level of his
you know, getting good results, being a good boy, respectful, humourous
i wonder where did i get these positive side of his
from what i was told by my parents ?

I think I really sucks

I failed to get that 100% scholarship and i only got 50%...

I never ever forget that night where i happily come home telling my mum i have A for my Econ test and my mum answered me "wouldn't you think if your brother is doing your course, he will do so much better than you do"

I can never forget my emotion that one moment.

It was like on a spoilt roller coaster that the ride is thrown up to the sky and

BANG!

down to ground again.
That day onwards, i got fed up.

i started go round sorting things outta mylife.
but i ended up still here.
I feel i changed a lot. but who else bothers?
i think i'm lucky to have some people i call friends.
at least, I know, I do exist in a way.

This is the movie trailer I'm talking about

"Eat Pray Love"

Its based on true REAL LIFE story

a woman got fed up with her daily endless routine life and

decided to go find back attitude to life.

http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/4695304/eat_pray_love_movie_trailer.swf" width="600" height="370" wmode="transparent" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" name="Metacafe_4695304" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash">

EAT PRAY LOVE: Movie Trailer - Click here for more blooper videos

*****************it was supposed to be a happy night.

*****************the first night of my 2 weeks semester break

*****************but i ended up pouring my emotions on the table

***************************************************I'm tired.

*****************I just wanna get some sleep right now

**********************************and by tomorrow,

**********************************as sun shines again

**********************************I will be back alive.

till then,

_lnnl

ROCK N ROLL DE STYLE!

the day after tomorrow

considering the fact that i'd lose my cyber life after my exam
i think i should blog just a lil bit more.

its going to be a holiday after the exam
and freaking TWO WEEKS holiday after 16 weeks of suffering
damn this is my college
cruel mean BULLSHIT

and i think my parents are a lil upset for i am not going to work this holiday
this 2 week holiday
KFC somewhere near my house is hiring
temporary worker during that puasa period
but sorry
i have my friends to accompany
i know i sucks cause i never work like my brother during his holiday
but my friends, i couldn't afford less spend a second with them
especially when we are all going to be APART
seriously APART
my mum kept telling that if she were to be me, she would have bla bla bla bla
sorry mum
i just, wanna keep my friends accompanied, even for less than a week's time
i know i appears to be naive and ignorant sometimes, OKAY, most of the times. (==)
but i just wanted it that way.
call me childish or whatever you may like
i am living my life the way i want, regardless of anything else.

you wanna call this "teenage disobeying behaviour" or what up to you
i am living my last few years of study life.

and this doesn't mean i'm going bad.
i just, put fun on top of everything else.

*oh! goddamn cutie! my IE couldnt run youtube page.

so i think i am not very ready yet for tomorrows dm exam

and if i ever come back here times later crying for my result

remind of this post

and i will be reminded of the time i wasted which i could have used it for DM revisionssss....

its truly unfair when im dealling with terrible questions yet i see vacation posts on facebook like....one every minutes?

again, i have a college with an independant scheduling policy.

my lecturers used to go mad even we only have a day off throughout the semester

"not enough time" they say.

whatever.

If i were to study in a hard way, then i go mad in a hard way too.

=)

damn you whoever created exam!

my laptop is somehow terribly sick
and i spoilt my desktop like...few days ago
i dunno where did i earn all my bad luck
if i know i wouldnt be here trying to learn this so called DM

tomorrow is my last paper
and i am getting moodless
damn it
why the hardest paper on the last?
i have terrible control over my mood to study
and my can't-wait-to-enjoy mood
especially after this whole long sem

Many things happened this semster.
people left. car came. life changed. new friends made.
its hard to handle all these without a thorough thoughts or something

I have quite some subjects this semester
other than english, i cant seem to find a subject that i am interested

as i study my boooks. i double hate my lecturers
its goddamnit freakin hard
the calculation is just.........dunno what

i somehow sit in the class during my exams
i continuosly tell myself:
"leekahinn, get a way out. this is not what i want. go get me something called LIFE."
and i am draqing spongebob and patrick all over my papers.
friends shook their head seeing me do so
yea, i think they're getting fed up of my spongie bobbie and paterikey
whatever
but
i
think
i
really
screw
a
big
big
time
in
my
exam

some of the papers i was like....drawing figure-like substance
i am not fishing for compliments folks
when i say i screw a big big time
i mean i screw a big big time
tomorrow is my dm paper
another bullshit paper meant to slaughter students

yet i am sitting here figuring out the figures and whatsoever
what;s this all about?
damn it bullshit
arghhhhh

i feel terrible.
terribly terrible.
i just don't know what to do
the questions are suffocating meeeeee
and i am one very lazy climb out to reach that warmy sunny again
argh!
ARGH!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

that virus is really bothering!
can someone kindly had it fuck off!
i am so pissed that i wanna smash my laptop on the ground to have the virus fell out!

damn you whoever created exam!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
LEE KAH INN

although you screw your AFA exams like nobody's business
you still have the right to rock and roll

and ROBERTO, welcome to the family!


**i am worried bout my exams
but what to do?
worrying is UNHELPFUL each and everytime.