张国荣教我的事

因为我仍有梦
总是容易被往事打动
别流连岁月中
不要管我是否言不由衷
我好害怕总是泪眼朦胧
人生已经太匆匆
将往事留在风中

当我无言，我就感恩

我12月31号晚上有工作。
谢谢。

其实转念一想，我本来就不是懂得凑热闹的人

谢谢你，亲爱的上帝，你总是给我不同于人的际遇。

谢谢。

感恩。

一觉醒来，白雪皑皑

人生的初雪，在2012年的圣诞节前一天

Titi冲进屋里嚷着说下雪了

本来在睡梦中的我恍惚中被杂声吵醒

看大家急急忙忙的穿着衣服往外头跑，也学着大家一起

一打开门，

“啊！这就是雪啊！”

亲爱的上天，

我很感激你把我的初雪安排在圣诞夜的这一天

白色的圣诞，

原来是这个样子的

冷飕飕的风，湿漉漉的地

暖暖的家，孤单的我

我来回踩着自己的鞋印

想着自己的生活

嗯，

谢谢这场大雪

虽然我什么都没想通

但冷风和雪花讲义气的陪着我思考

谢谢你们，我人生的第一场，雪。

美丽的，是世界？还是人生？

下雪

下雪了，这是我人生的初雪，在圣诞节的前一天

在睡觉的时候屋友突然大声嚷嚷的叫着说“下雪了！下雪了！”
披上大衣走出屋外，用力的深呼吸，
冬天，你好。

雪轻飘飘的，不一会儿就沾的我一身都是

我一个人在这里，体验最一个人的一切
一个人加班，一个人忙，一个人试着一个人

当别人都忙的时候，我好希望我可以有一个人说说话
我彷徨，我无助，我发生了事情
独在异乡，变得不懂得宣泄自己的害怕
只知道一味的往心里藏

憋得难受了，就自己到外面去走走转转
把自己负面的情绪随地乱丢

一个人久了，变得不懂得跟人家谈心事
又或者说，变得不懂得敞开心胸

在暖气轰隆隆的那些冬天的夜晚，我一个人躺在陌生的床上
看着简陋的天花板，想着自己的事情

能听我说话的人都忙，我还能干什么

没有什么陪伴能够永久的话，那就趁早习惯一个人的生活

一个人的生活就是，使劲儿的把到嘴边的话往肚子里吞
人家怎么对你，你都默默的接受，不问是非黑白，不谈公平对错

就像 Pi 一样，我亲爱的上苍给我安排了“孤单”这一堂课


一个人看雪花飘飘，一个人看白雪皑皑


你们呢？你的圣诞夜，你的圣诞节，尽兴了吗？

听屋友说我们今晚就吃吃喝喝过日子，
一群独自在异乡的人们，离家千里远，
这么一个回家的季节，我们说好要一起聊天取暖

用最手舞足蹈的语言，比手划脚我们的青春











不过是雪，为什么我那么感性呢？

呃！

我們就都要張開雙手，讓風吹過童年的無憂

代我问候没有人

自己一个人努力的快乐，
才知道快乐也可以那么孤单和空虚

我也好希望，有人可以听听我的故事

但是没有人

代我问候没有人

要不停的让生命更宽更深

这是在美国的第二个星期了

看了电影，吃了些东西，交了些朋友，在世界末日中生存下来
一转眼，快圣诞节了

昨天开始看见天气预测说可能会下雪，可等了一整晚什么是也没发生
就快下雪了，这天气，入寒了。

前天和亲菇宴聊到我们都是孤单的人，因为我们总是讨厌很多人
不是种族歧视，不是阶级歧视，我只是很容易就受不了别人
当我觉得一个人做事情偏离正常逻辑，并且显现的非常愚蠢的时候
我会打从心底很受不了，非常非常受不了

就是这样的我们，所以我们身边的人很少

是会自己去看电影的人，
是宁愿自己看电影也不想跟不适合的人去看的人
是宁愿关在孤单寂寞里也不想改变自己迎合别人的人

什么时候开始，不再介意被说脾气坏，被说脾气古怪
自己一个人，走在热闹的大街上，
再冷，再孤单，再无助，也想自己走完自己的路，不想求助别人

是倔强 是好面子 是想保护自己

“一个人想，一个人走，一个人哭，一个人伤心”
 -任贤齐，一个人

一直到现在，我想家里还是存在着很多的惊讶
很多人都吓到为什么我爸爸会让我一个人，来到陌生的这里，过着脱线的生活
爸爸问过我，干妈妈问过我，干爸爸问过我，三个姐姐也都问过我，

“为什么你不能就乖乖的去新加坡工作，3，4年后再去美国？”

我也问我自己，为什么大家都可以，就我不可以？

我现在回想，如果当初爸爸的第一次拒绝我就屈服了，
现在的我会在干嘛？开始找工作？开始恍恍惚惚的踏入社会？
一步一步走着家里希望我走的路？

我还会像现在这样热切的想要在生活中达到些什么吗？
我还记得那种”打拼“的热血吗？

昨晚和表弟聊了一些，我始终觉得，我不是叛逆也不是任性。
爸爸妈妈想我走的路不是不好，而是为生活闯荡过的他们不像我们重蹈覆辙他们的辛苦
所以他们希望把这世界的安逸尽可能的提供给我们
这是那个年代的父母的爱，是他们的生活的刻苦让他们害怕
也许在他们过去的日子里，他们真的有快成不下去的时候
所以他们会不希望我们去吃那样的苦

我明白。

但是之于我，我觉得人生就是不停的战斗，九把刀的“人生就是不停的战斗”
我在证明给爸爸妈妈看，在我身上的别的可能性
也许这条路没有他们设想的那么安逸，但我一样会很快乐
有一种东西，叫做吃苦的幸福
我想证明给爸爸妈妈看，我可以为自己的人生而奋斗，
像一个为国捐躯的战士那样勇猛的战斗

我也想证明给我身边的人们看，证明这个世界，还是存在很多很多的可能性
我觉得我身边的人已经渐渐失去战士的光环，只剩待锈的盔甲勉强拖着他们前进
这样不好，我希望因为我这次，他们可以再一次为自己的生活而战斗
不喜欢的工作就换一份，不要被害怕牵绊
不喜欢的人际关系就说清楚，不要因为怕麻烦而忍气吞声

快乐，是要靠自己赚回来的。

我看见很多人在生活的缝隙里傻傻的的发呆
好像自己未来的几年已经没有什么值得期待的了

不要这样，未来还很长，要不停的让生命更宽更深。

其实我自己也知道，要爸爸妈妈放手让我这么样闯荡是一件不简单的事情
我想他们自己也很多挣扎，但是他们最后还是把信任押在我身上
他们，也想看看到底还有什么不一样的吧

爸爸妈妈，谢谢。

李佳恩报告 之 世界没有末日（我想吃汤圆）

（给家里写的信）

大家好！

现在是晚上7：16。

世界没有末日。

我刚刚从商场回来，商场很小，跟我们的jusco差不多，可能还要在小一点。

看了李安的电影，很好看。电影票差不多七块多美金。

很特别的是他们的电影院没有座号，就是随便你坐，

而且入场也不验票，就这么大咧咧的让你走进去，

我一开始还真的有点不习惯

我们宿舍现在住着8个人，4个女生，4个男生。

名单如下：

女生 ：Sabrina (马来西亚），cheryl （马来西亚），李佳恩（-------,---------), Yi meng （中国，浙江）

男生：Cristian, Christian, Rodrigo, Manuel (全部都是智利人）

只有Manuel 是26岁，我们其他人都是22岁.

我在努力跟他们学西班牙文，也很努力教他们华文，大家都努力啊！哈哈哈

我们的基本对话就是我说西班牙文，他们说中文。

真的没办法，我们才说英文。但是英文也很难，大部分时间我们都需要谷歌翻译。

我们日常的对话差不多就是像这样：

“kahinn......I........water.......this.......cooked.........you?" -他们说

然后我就开始猜他要讲什么，然后大概大概说， ”errrrrrr, yes......no...........whatever"

差不多就是这样，有的时候他们只是要问我们怎么煮饭都得问上大半天。

我们还计划了一起圣诞节交换礼物的事情，大家抽个名字然后就各自去买一份礼物。

我的今天已经买了，是个桌历。这里的日历好好看，我可以买给你们吗？

可是你们一定骂我乱花钱说马来西亚的日历都是免费的，所以我还在想！哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！

可是真的很特别，他的日历有很多不一样的主题，有大自然，有汽车，有棒球，有电影，有奥黛丽赫本，有披头四，有很多！！！！！！

好啦，我再想想。 XD

目前为止，我们在这里处得都还算不错啦。

我们的空间虽然没有立体隔间，但是彼此都很懂得避忌。

他们也会负责清理啦，今天其中一个男生就任劳任怨的帮我们把地都吸尘了一遍，

还把那些碗盘全部冲洗一遍，换句话说，比我还要顾家。

哈哈哈啊哈哈哈

大家鸡同鸭讲开开玩笑也就这么凑合着过日子。

所以不要太担心啦！我有祖师公！

哈哈哈哈哈哈！但我真的有！

我的符头除了睡觉和洗澡，其他时间都是贴身的啦！

有一件事我不记得有没有跟你们说过，

那就是，我现在觉得薯条很恶心。哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

那个炸薯条的油啊，一天才换一次！一天！那是炸了几千包薯条的油也！哇！那整个一恶心！

我看了都觉得美国人好可怜，每天吃这种东西。

但是话说回来，美国人真没有表面上的光鲜亮丽。

我做柜台收钱的时候，遇过一个老爷爷带两个小男孩进来点餐

两个小男孩就一轮嘴点了薯条汉堡汽水之类的，

老爷爷面露难色的问我说，可不可以先跟他说多少钱，他怕他不够钱。

好象是美金7块-8块左右吧，老爷爷颤抖着手从他钱包里掏出八块钱，我瞄到他的钱包就剩一块钱了。

他还怯生生地问我，一块美金够不够付一杯咖啡的钱。

看着挺心酸的。

还有还有，有的父母带着孩子，手上就揣着20美金，

只要总结超过二十，他们就把他们点的东西去掉，

反正就是不能超过20美金。

其实贫穷，在什么国家都是一样的。

想吃的吃不到，想买的买不起，日子过得勉勉强强的，就算你在美国，你还是贫穷。

工作的时候，很多同事会问我是哪里来的，我说马来西亚。

他们通常就说，“哦！我们这里很多学生员工都是马来西亚的”

对我来说，美国，英国，非洲，中国，全世界都有我的可能性

但对他们来说，他们很可能这辈子就这样在这一个地方，恍恍惚惚的过完下半辈子。

很可能，他们这辈子只能去纽约，去华盛顿，但是却永远不知道美国以外的地方有着什么样的风景

即使他们住的是五光十色的美国，但他们其实什么都没见过。

就这么困在这个镇上，等着那一天这个镇也可以热闹起来。

而且看着他们日复一日的吃着快餐，再看看那些炸薯条，

其实不那么富裕的美国人。。。。。。。。。。。。。真的蛮可怜的。

看我的同事们，真的就像戏里的一样，等着薪水付账单，等着薪水买一辆车子，等着薪水给孩子买生日礼物

就这样明日复明日的拖下去，然后看着不一样的学生员工来了又走，走了又来新的，

但他们永远待在原地。

我现在在麦当劳工作，其实日子也算不错，但如果这是我的终身事业，我将会无法接受。

这样的工作，做三个月，可以让你看到很多事情，见识到很多层面

但是如果一辈子就只能呆在那样小小的一间麦当劳里，我绝对没有办法接受

夜班的经理跟我同岁，22岁，他有是化学学士，那天他跟我说的，

然后他说，“化学学士又怎样？你看我现在在干嘛？三更半夜跟你们在这里混，一小时赚个9美金”

看吧，我就说美国人不好当。

有钱的美国人是真的好，其他的可能过得比我们还不如！

但也对啦，有钱人在哪里都是好的。 

哈哈哈哈哈哈

好啦就这样吧。

我暂时也想不到要写什么，暂时这样吧！

题外话，

Life of Pi真的很好看啦！去看咧！去看去看！

还有，

我回去的时候可以做汤圆给我吃吗。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

李佳恩

真的很想吃汤圆  启

都系睇黎点睇

I went to the mall today to catch Life of Pi, alone.

Harrisburg Mall.
The Grand Escape.
Life of Pi.

Its an awesome one, despite getting comments like its too expensive for a movie,
but personally, its just so worth it.

I don't know if I am a strong-religious person,
but then I do pray to the God a lot, my family too

When I was 6, my mum brought me for eye-check,
turned out that my eyes are of the popular problem called "lazy eyes"
where one of the eyes work less efficiently as to another which sort of burden the another one.

normally, there isn't anything you can do to this,
just get a specs, and try to practice using the "lazy eye"

but then i remembered grandma asked/enquired God for that,
and He gave a chinese prescription
after so many years, I still see things, with a spec of course,
but hey, i am not blind.
so if you ask me if it worked, I'd say yes.
well, I am seeing things aren't I?

In Malaysia, chinese do consult Gods a lot. a lot.............like seriously a lot.
especially any trouble on babies and little kids.

For babies, if they cry at night too much, or something is wrong with them and there is no apparent why,
usual Malaysian parents bring them to the temple.
it works the same way for some really mischievous kids who constantly pick up problems,
uh huh, I used to get that a lot.

normally, we will get a chop of god at the back of our shirt
and some written charm where you burned it, dunk into water, and drink up the water.
basically, the written charm water is the so-called "physical medicine"

as I grow up, I reached a stage where I seriously doubt the usefulness of those written-charm water
like when you have seen how the western medicine work, which is the scientific way,
its just contradicting that how the usual traditional chinese way appears to be

but then, I passed that stage.

passed as in, I didn't choose any side to stand on,
I still believe in both, because I find no harm believing in that.

For me, I believe in existence of God.
and I strongly believe that, whether you are a buddhist, a hindu, a muslim, a christian or any other religions,
all religions will seek the same core positive value.

I believe there is one God, I believe He has His very-own ways of doing things,
and I believe, all I have to do is live my life well.

Today in Life of Pi, I found an answer,

Religion, is a way you are introduced to God.
It doesn't matter how you are introduce, its about how you carry on.

and i think Life of Pi has the best music choice of all those movies I have watched.

I cried a lil' in the movie.

it means a lot.

actually, it is pretty much my situation right now.
help me figure things out.

stranded, alone, don't know what to think....

there is so many things that people used to tell,
and when you try to arrange them nicely, you can't.

long day today

a very long day

so long, that I'm beginning to think very random stuffs

this morning I wake up and suddenly realize I am half-way around the world, alone

and i wonder what the hell am I doing

uh huh.....well, that is pretty much what a gap year is meant for....

i don't know.... I am still figuring things out

a lot is running through my mind everyday.....every minute

every customer I serve, 

every dispute I see,

every pattern I encounter.....

They are like free teaching material god gave me

till now, I still believe that something is meant for me to find out

Like these days, I realize that,  poverty is the same in every country.

regardless of developed or non-developed country

Harmony

still proud of myself

there were some pretty nasty managers in the store i work in, like everywhere else

you know, the kind of manager that bring others together by making themselves a topic to curse on?

yea, we have that here too.

some are really trouble-looking I'd say

but then whatever it is, you gotta do the job to pay the bills

and today, one of the nasty ones, seeing me rushing up and down for the drive thru window,

as it gets slower, and I'm allowed to change a breathe waiting for the fries,

she called my name and say, "K, good job! you're doing great!"

and im like, "really? i don't know...."

there is another manager, the good ones, her then say,"yes you are! they told me it was your first week and I couldn't believe it"

well, i am flattered.

but somehow, i am scared................

i am definitely not the kind who get compliments for what i have done

i am not used to be say, "WOW GOOD JOB"

when i am so-called being confirmed of my effort, it scares me off

like, i don't know what I did right to deserve that.......so how should i keep up with such expectation...

Yaritza gives me lotsa credits, she would say "great job!" "well done" even just me brewing coffee

Lance will always tell others that I have been such a learning sponge

and looking into the mirror, you don't know what you have done right

and that fear inside of you just grow day-by-day because you are still looking for the answer of right or wrong

i don't know, but its quite a good buffer for my future working life..

you gotta learn it somehow somewhere sometime.....no? 

one thing I had learnt today is that,

You don't have to change yourself into someone you are not to deal with somewhat you couldn't agree with. 

Others can always live their life the way the want it, so do you!

Sometimes, you meet really nasty issues where people are being ridiculous,

and it may make you feel like you are the only one who care.

but its okay, only one who care ma only one who care lo! It won't hurt you!

Its better that you be the one you truly are, and owe no explanation to yourself

May the irresponsible and ridiculous rest in peace,

we have to be the way we want, so we don't mess up ourselves

The people way of working and attitude had me think a lot,

its like, "yeah, you can act like that, as long as you still play your roles, but I am willing to do more. You don't have to be me, and I don't have to be you."

Out of my shifts till today, I have skipped plenty of breaks.....

I don't really ask for breaks, and I normally don't have nothing to do during breaks

I'll rest for 10 minutes and feel good to go again...

basically, i hate the break, it slows me down

like you are all in that fighting atmosphere from head to toe, until you break.....

which is like, putting a pause to that fighting spirit and who knows if you're gonna get it back?!

Most colleagues need their breaks,

not me.

and we all exist as the same crew member

its impossible to make everyone the same

as long as we are all doing our job when we're on duty,

then i don't see any problem with that.

that's how you find harmony in contradictions!

质疑

问曰：
“你知道你自己在干什么吗？我看你根本是疯了！”
“你一定会后悔的！”
“你到底在想什么？”



答曰：
“我才22岁，是一个还不需要想太多的年纪”


你说我任性，那任性就任性吧
你说我不懂事，那不懂事就不懂事吧

人生总会有潮起潮落，总会有不被理解的时候
但只要我们能够乐在其中，那就不要想太多
很多时候，我们只是被自己的想法绑得死死的

当你倔强的走自己的路的时候，你会发现你的快乐其实就是如此简单

People who have made my life here easier

ended a straight 16 hour shift
mostly because i like the midnight shift that's why i chose to stay
i get to learn a lot during midnights

and this manager named mohammed is getting on everyone else nerve
he picks on every little things
and he speaks some arabic-french english
can you imagine how mixed up is that?

got new housemates today
4 boys from Chile and expecting a girl from China now

i like culture-collaboration

i've got my shift for the rest of the week
its gonna be 8am shift tomorrow
i wish i can have someone like Yaritza or Lance or Steve with me tomorrow.

Yesterday, i was quiet all the time during day shift
Steve was working the drive-thru at the second window
During slow time, he came up to me randomly and asked me like,
"hey ya doing fine? well you don't have to stress yourself here, its mcdonalds, we get yelled at all the time. I'm new here too! there's a lot to learn actually. and its okay to make mistakes, cause we're humans too. ya know what i mean? they'll have to deal with it, that we make mistakes. that's all, they just need someone to blame on when things go wrong, so you'll be fine. I see you doing a great job over here."

For when you'r all alone in a foreign country, being new to everything,
it does mean a lot when someone tell you like that

For good people like Steve, Yaritza, Lance, Joey, Nathan,
they get me to their station when i don't have any customers
they will supervise me trying on their jobs

Nathan likes listening to music all the time using one of the container as his speaker,
and he is always happy, everything i ask he will be like, "here let me show you, its easy, hehe"

Yaritza is a mother of 2, can pretty much run the store without the manager
She taught me like 80% of my knowledge of mcdonalds,
as well as the handy know-how in it, i like her a lot
she is like a sister that shows me around things

Joey is 20. I can't believe that, I thought he is 26.
He had me guessed his age yesterday, and when i  say 26, he seem flattered.
He says he likes looking older. He taught me drive-thru today.
and he steal my fries all the time

Steve is rather new too he says,
i saw him cracking his head trying to get a car the other reading the classifieds session
and he is nice, always get me into his station and tell me some handy tricks to do that job

Lance, he is 22, which my first guess is 32!
He was like, "WHAT?!!!!!!!COME! I SHOW YOU MY ID! YOU SEE IT RIGHT THERE"
And I looked at him, almost eyes popped up and says, "you are..............my age.........?"
then he says, "just to shock you off a bit more, I got a degree in chemistry, and see what I'm doing right now?"
and others says like, "yeah, what are doing here?"
and he replied, "well i took chemistry because i like to blow off stuffs, but apparently with that degree you are still permitted to blow off everything."

Brian is a rather cool guy, he keep emphasizing that he is better off working alone,
so he says he may not teach very well
but then he is still helpful, trying to get me through peak hours of grills most of time
and he likes to challenge Lance on every single things
they had a fight on what time is it the other day, a fun kind of fight

these are some of the "good people" i have met so far
well one gotta find a way to remember somehow


-Quietly Fantastic-

when she was just a girl, she expected the world

Just finished reading the news about shooting tragedy in Sandy Hook elementary school

I was just serving a few kids in the store today, and they are just nice
Order politely, patiently waiting for me to find my way through the POS,
greet and says thank you whenever encounters

just some pretty great kids

and to think, someone like them is writing down notes like:



or this,



....................
















and they are now unwrapping the christmas presents they have prepared for their children
walking into the children room and wipe off every dreams they once have made
celebrate Christmas and new year the quietest like ever

i don't know.

i think back to the time grandpa passed away, and grandma too.

I didn't cry, instead I just sat there, thinking how should I fill up their spaces after they are gone
hey grandpa, hey grandma, how you all doing?
I'm fine, and I miss you.

a moment of silence to those who have lost their love

and a glimpse of sunshine to those who fell into the darkness of losing the loves

Stay strong

Stay very strong

night shift

10:42am - 13 Dec 2012

Ended my night shift at 7am
Got home and is very excited about the past night
well, I've got some praise, which is why im here to remember this

well, there is basically 4 crew member in a night shift, because they don't really have lots of customers.
Skeleton crew, as per in their language
They told me only on friday and saturday where people are out drinking, and they wanna grab something real quick during the midnight.
and they 're gonna come in all drunk, and out of their mind, and order really funnily.

The shift manager is Lance, he is a nice guy, and likes to keep us occupied with jokes and messing around
The grill section is stationed by Tony, a newbie like I am.
And there is Yaritza, running around settling stuffs and showing me stuffs
Yartitza is the best trainer i can ever ask for, she basically teach me everything, and give me a few chances to  practice that before she hands it all over
I like her, she said she is a mother of 2, but I still like her
Though a huge part in me went all "WHAT MOTHER OF 2?SERIOUS NOT?! U LOOK YOUNG LA!"

She taught me a lot, and when I ask over again, she will explain it
and when i get some really tiny stuffs correct, she will be like, "YOU'RE DOING GREAT!"

I was a lil' emo when i get a midnight shift, but then it turned out good
and now im worrying about me in the grill section

well hopefully everything is gonna be fine..
I have problems lego-ing the burgers....

im worried.



well, so we ended the shift real well,
happily saying goodbyes to everyone

and then they make sure me to grab something to eat,
because throughout the night i was shaking head to every fries or drinks or whatever
so i bagged a sausage mcmuffin with egg
but on my way home, there's a bunch of kids waiting for school bus
One of them asked me "You work in a mcdonalds? Do you have any food?"

i find the question "Do you have any food?" rather leekahinn-pattern-ed
so i hand over the sandwich and left

i hope the parents won't get mad about that.
If they come in to complaint, then im pretty much done.

that's bad. I was just trying to be nice.


please don't let that happen.
Please don't.

10 sentence about yourself

Simply for the record,

1. I was lost on my walk home today from the store, i walked for a pure 2.5 hours. End up in a family store by the salvation army. Janice and Sabrina picked me up then. And the whole store know about me getting lost too.
2. Its my first shift, and its a midnight shift. 
3. I went e-learning for hours today, and then I only learned their POS system. Expectedly they gonna be putting me in the counter perhaps?
4. I still don't count the coins well enough, I actually took a tutorial on the net, namely "Kindergarten Math", to learn the quarter, the dimes, the nickles and the pennies..
5. After 22 years, and almost-there professional accountant qualification, I GO TO A WEBSITE AND LEARN ABOUT 5cent plus 5cent equals 10.
6. Roommates are good people, cooked me dinner and only waking me up after food is ready to be served. Actually no, she waited for me to wake up,but i didnt, so she eventually came wake me up, and when im still "snoozing" into the reality, she heat up the food. awh......
7. I made some notes out of the e-learning today, apparently everything in this world is a knowledge to be learnt
8. Feeling a lil complicated for the shift later, because im the biggest joke, and because im the awkward-est
9. I still wanna travel the world
10. I miss my blanket

人在旅途

现在是马来西亚时间中午一点四十三分

我在从香港往芝加哥的飞机上，还有差不多快十一个小时的航程

我打开电脑想说要记录点什么

坐我左手边的是一个外国男生，金头发，本来他的位置是我的后边，但他为了想要靠窗的座位所以换了过来。他一坐来就跟我说，“待会儿空服员派餐的时候不要叫醒他，就说他不要。”我们闲聊了一阵子，他就睡着了。可是好巧不巧，他醒来的时候空服员正好在派餐，他顺势点了一个牛肉餐。吃着的时候我们也随便聊了点什么，他看我吃的是跟他一样的牛肉，就若有所思地告诉我，“诶，我觉得这个餐点没啥味道”。我拼命点头，好吃如我也觉得牛肉还算不错，旁边的莎拉配菜简直是实际大整蛊。连坐我右手边的阿姨也无奈地摇头说，“唉，飞机餐”。

后来空服员来收餐盘了，结果坐我旁边的男生还跟空服员多要了一份鸡肉餐。我问他，啊你不是说你不想吃只想睡觉？连旁边的阿姨也说，“你很饿吗？”。他也只是耸耸肩说，没办法，就饿呗。他吃到一半的时候我把相机拿出来拍飞机餐，想说爸爸妈妈问起也有个照片交代。他突然转过来说，“哇！一个亚洲人用相机也！我被震撼到了”。干！啊我是孝顺好吗！

坐我右手边的阿姨我猜不出她的国籍，也不好意思问。但是阿姨人很好，硬要形容的话就是非常典型的家庭主妇。我填入境表格的时候因为太多转机而不确定日期，也是阿姨提醒我，啊哈哈！长辈缘啦！阿姨连续喝了两次的苹果汁，然后看了一部电影。阿姨的行为举止总是让我想起台湾的二表婶，就觉得“厨房是她的天下”那种。

秒了一下荧幕，我的航程还有十个小时。刚才好像听见机长报告说芝加哥可能有下雪，可是我左手边的外国男生穿的是短裤也！离开吉隆坡的时候，爸爸叮咛又叮咛就是天气天气天气！噢真该让他们看一下我身边这个潇洒。还有阿姨也是穿的很简单，看起来蛮普通的长袖衣服加长裤。厚度看起来跟我妈妈平时穿去上班的差不了多少啊，只有我一个人穿着外套，还带着寒衣，所以是哪方面出了问题啊？

Altitude：945

现在貌似在日本的上空—2.01pm 10^th December 2012

隔壁的阿姨刚刚很无奈的跟我说，“还有。。。十个小时”

阿姨刚刚研究我的键盘，她说还是英文字母，可是你打出来的是中文字！

我就跟他解释是根据读音的一种输入法，嘿哟，还真不错！中华文化博大精深融会贯通啊！

好了，要新的电影了 ，我就写到这里吧。

李佳恩，这可是咱们的第一次远途飞行。

可飞机餐真的不咋地。。。。。。。。。

真的是打工旅行了，我们要去活出我们第一个的梦想

要把起点干得漂漂亮亮！

你飞越大半个地球不是为了证明给自己看你有多不行，

反之，你是为了证明给自己看曾经的梦想没有错，我们还是当初的我们！

没有说好一开始就一帆风顺，但学会解决问题才是人生最重要的功课。

把自己丢在陌生的环境，用震撼教育自己用时时保持勇于尝试的心，不要画地自限固步自封！

未来的有一天，我们要只做我们愿意，想做，并且赞成的事情！

我只是在回答曾经的我所提出的问题

because typing is gonna make noises, i cant really type much
im at singapore changi airport, and man this airport is big

so i touch down at changi, got into rainforest lounge, and is enjoying buffet right now

flight will be 6 something tomorrow so yeap.

现在的我，其实可以打很长的文章
有很长的感触，但只能忍住，因为敲键盘的声音会打扰到休息室的其他人

我只是在回答曾经的我所提出的问题，
是的，李佳恩，你要去打工旅行了

飞越大半个地球，去学习对陌生人微笑，对陌生的世界敞开胸怀

世界很大，花大把钱出门去，就要把同等值甚至超值的经验和体验带回来

李佳恩，准备好去写新的故事吧！

那些爱你的人无法想象你的狼子野心，但不代表他们的不会支持你
那些流着眼泪，按着担心，忍住不舍向你道再见的人，
总有一天，你要让他们看见你脑海中美丽的世界！

李佳恩，我们，出门了。
自己一个人，去新的地方。

去学做人，去完成我们的人生功课
去，一趟翱翔。





莫忘初衷。
我们，是为了流浪，为了回答当初的问题所以离开
莫忘初衷。
当我们归来，那得是揣着慢慢的斗志和人生故事回来！

我们的人生，正在悄悄地神奇！


凶猛吧！人生际遇！


*在别人看来，我们是浪费时间，但我们就是觉得很重要！

The adventure is out there!!!!!!!!!

one last here in our own room my dear leekahinn
done packing, cincai-ly done cleaning too.

you've got some vaccine tomorrow morning, for H1N1...
fucking injection ==

injection  is stupid. STUPID.

so you ended your acca today, and went to Marshall's burger
Its was a rather joyful goodbye you had with your friends
everyone wished you all the best

yea, these people who you have used to seem from week to week is putting a pause
for the next few months, you will not see any familiar faces

its time, you go out to the wild, and stand on your own feet

Be happy leekahinn
you know what you wanted, now go get it

who would have known, that one day we get to travel being one of our dreams fulfilled.

actually i really don't know what to expect, nevertheless don't dare to expect

anywho, THE ADVENTURE IS OUT THERE!!!

Remember how the cartoon "Up" used to say that?
yea, you wanted that to be your motto didnt you
so go! THE ADVENTURE IS OUT THERE!

You will find your paradise fall, unlike any of what you have seen
you WILL, find your very own paradise fall, a land lost in time!

never stop asking for fun

one paper down, one more to go
its weird to think Im gonna leave for the next few months
well how were the chances where I get to be away for more than a week?

the answer used to be negative.

then I hopped into this, 3months plus, almost 4 months

It didn't feel that long until chingu talked to me about our last meal
and it just feel strange like, "so this is it, no more seeing until next year April" or even later

Ever since we graduated high school, I have been saying to everyone,
"Let me know when you are back at BM, I will be around here all the while"

and yeap, I was there most of the time. School ain't no stopping me from meeting anyone, as long as i want to.
It even reach a stage where chingu dont even bother to check my schedule, and she will just name a day
and then off we go
it was that easy, you know.....it was that easy.

Then chingu was off to her university in Johor, and of all sudden, I learn how quiet Penang island can be
I admit how few friends I have, but then because chingu did her form 6 here in the hometown
i took it for granted that there will always be someone around to hang out with

so when everyone is so far away, and i have to get my head into studies,
i feel the sudden strike of loneliness
at times, i look into the starry night sky and just imagine how things could have been

sometimes, i just realize those whom i am friend with are usually the ones who are rather of a loner
like those who would rather stick their head down when they can't find their common species

The other day, I went taking photos for my visa application,
the boss lady actually knows my parents and recognize me which i thought she didn't
so i went through the photo session acting like some complete stranger and maintained my manners
as i was about to leave the shop, boss lady says this:
"wow, you talk very softly hor?"

erm, talk softly?! that should be on the last few description i'd expect from people around me
but then i turned to think, maybe she is not utterly wrong,
somehow, i tend to minimize my existence to the minimum in whenever places

i have this gifted talent to find the most quiet spot in the most crowded...crowd.
There have been times whenever I am in a family gathering, filled with cousins and all,
my parents spend time looking for me and it somehow reaches the point where they have to call me
like, hide-and-seek

well this only apply to those awkward situation and so,
when I am with those I am comfortable with, i can be really loud....or embarrassing...or hungry.....
NAP used to say its rude for me just walk away when we stumble upon friend's friend
and then she gave up, because she realize my friends and I are one of a kind.

People may surprise how i met my friends when we are all so.........of minimal existence?
i don't know, we met through high school, and we were like......pooled together because we have the same bad study attitude?
drawing in the class, eating in the class, chatting in the class, everything in the class but not one close to study
its like when you are in a group, people of the same kind will be slowly gathered by an invisible strength

like stock market, there will be an equilibrium point, where everyone is in the correct position, comfortably staying...or sitting.

urm so after all this, i am finally the one leaving
a rather short leaving, but then i get to be said byebye to.
i think i once mentioned here that i wish i could be said byebye to, just to know the feeling of waving

i don't wave much, most of the goodbyes i say are to those who i will be seeing the next day, schoolmates
Those are the loud goodbyes and not much feeling will be felt,
we gonna meet tomorrow, what is there to be felt about?

but then this upcoming one is different.

I will be off to my own plans, and food friends will be on different plans individually
I still feel sad and regret for not saving up time for our FoodFriend Melaka trip.
WHY DIDN'T I?!
now we have a burger dinner and have to say byebye to our student life

when i am back, Jo and Van would have gotten a job,
probably be busy here and there rocking their career
Nap would still be in the same company, being someone who is no longer a newbie,
but still busy catching up the latest food trend around Penang

and by that time, I will still be me, and hopefully with a great deal of memories

And we may not be able to meet that often
and i shall be catching up to my ordinary life after that escape

Jo said we have to meet, WELL OF COURSE!
Food Friends POWER! knowledge, future, and no hunger!

i wonder what would that be like?
maybe they will all dressed up in formal outfit, in heels perhaps
i will definitely in my favourite flipflop, casual tshirt and shorts
if this is the scene, i will make them run up and down,
just to see their torture and speechless face with the heels
and then proudly present my always-casual look,
just to show off my unemployed-YET status

i will miss them, miss how actively triggered we are by the smell of food
these people literally turned my whole impression about my hometown into solely food oriented
I have no idea how they get all those new information about food and stuffs
but they just do, so i just eat.

aha.


despite them commenting on my phobia over stranger, they still make friends with me
that should show that deep down, they do accept the fact that I am no that weird after all!
FACE THE FACT! fellow food friends


Clock's ticking
i have to start my study soon

anyhow, my dear friends,
stay strong, and brace yourself,
i wanna come back and flood you all with all stupid and funny yet beautiful stories!

and please don't tag me on those food you-know-i-know i would die for
or else i might eat the screen....







*if there is one thing i would wanna achieve with this plan,
is to tell everyone around me that, it is always possible, so go travel!!



NEVER

STOP

ASKING

FOR

FUN

。

因为生命的力量，在于不顺从

我想是偶尔难免沮丧，想离开，想躲起来，心里的期待，总是填不满
-孙燕姿

昨天正式跟干妈妈交代事情

我原以为我会被反复质疑，但是干妈妈每说一句话，就哭一遍
我第一次，看见有人为我哭
生平第一次，有人为我流眼泪

姐姐说，从二姐跟干妈妈说的那晚，干妈妈就开始流眼泪

干妈妈一直跟我说，“是自己家长大的孩子，要去那么远”

我跟她解释整件事情的过程，我一直看到她拭眼泪
我一直装作没看到，但其实自己心里不好受
好像终于不得不承认，我并不如自己想象的那样了无牵挂

干妈妈会哭，绝对是我意料之外的事情
毕竟是几个月的事，过不了多久我就会回来
但是干妈妈的眼泪似乎点醒了我一件事情
那就是，不管我离得再远，我的身上永远系着一条铁链紧紧的拴在我的家
即使我多么想要逃离，即使我多么想要挣脱
那一条隐形的铁链不动如山的紧紧缠绕着我

干妈妈一双眼睛，沉重的担心穿过眼泪直达我的眼底
我一直微笑着，就怕自己也哭了
但从来不曾动摇的是决心，又或者说是任性

大姐千里迢迢的包了很大一包红包给我，
二姐也包了封大红包，确确实实的叮嘱我一定要小心，要照顾自己
三姐也包了封大红包，一而再的耳提命面说要注意环境，不要被走私集团陷害
干爸爸也包了封大红包，一直说这一路顺风，路上小心，一百二十分的小心
干妈妈也包了封大红包，极不安心的交代我不可以妇人之仁调入诈骗集团的陷阱

我兜里揣着满满的红包，心里却塞满关怀
好像因为还有人在乎，所以自己会更注重自己的待人处事
好像欠了那些在乎的人一份交代·，所以我暗暗发誓我会开开心心的去，开开心心的回

跟姐姐们聊天的时候，我们提起干妈妈哭的事
干妈妈听了急说，“别提了，再提我又要流眼泪了”

原来还有人会为了我哭

晚餐的时候，干妈妈一家请我去吃，类似饯别宴吧？
他们问我喜欢辣子鸡还是麦片鸡，我回答说我两样都喜欢，随便给我一个吧！
结果菜上来的时候，一盘鸡肉块有辣子鸡，也有麦片鸡
我的心底有小小的触动，仿若是干妈妈能给我最后的祝福，
“离开以前，想吃的都吃吧！”干妈妈说。
我点点头，心里拼命记住这一分钟
其实很多时候，生命中最长久的感动反而来自平淡生活中的小贴心
所以即使我再怎么饱，我硬是把所有的菜都吃完，把干妈妈夹给我的菜吃光光
我只是，想要，让她有点安慰
不想让她觉得，她似乎什么都没能帮我做
这是我作为干女儿，唯一能做的体贴，和爱

离开干妈妈家的时候，路上下着大雨
我的心情很沉重，但是没有哭出来
电台里播着的是五月天的专访，并且插播好多五月天以前的歌曲
一个人在雨夜里开着车，看着路上模糊但闪烁的霓虹
恍惚之中，在那些过去的歌曲中，我仿佛遇见了那个17岁的自己
莽撞，勇敢，不怕死的自己

我们两个人沉默的在车上听着我们曾经的回忆，当初的五月天，
在某一个路口，红灯了，我们两个人谁也没说什么，
以前的我看着窗外，我盯着交通灯发愣
绿灯了，我惯性的换档，踩油
一转头，17岁的我不在了

稀薄的空气告诉我，那不过是幻觉

我继续开着车子，走过那一段小时候回忆中繁忙的街道
看着熟悉而陌生的一切

以前，这是干妈妈常常带我来的地方
带着我，走遍各个档口吃东西

今天，我长大了

做了一个外人看起来也许叛逆，也许任性，也许不懂事的决定
但我深深的明白，那只是真正的李佳恩要出来透透气了
是时候，我要完全的忠于自己，当个实实在在的李佳恩了

如果现在你问我，“值得吗？”
我会回答你，“我也说不上来，但就是想，所以就做了。”

虽然说人生的初期不应该那么任性，

但我这不是任性，这是追逐梦想，在许可的范围内，尽可能的做我自己。

风可以吹起一张大白纸，却不走一只蝴蝶，因为生命的力量，在于不顺从。

。

。

。

。

。

。

。

我是李佳恩，今年22岁

是一个还不需要想太多的年纪

去一趟，翱翔。